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Completely Ignorant 2019 NFL Week 13 Preview

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Introduction

Welcome to 2019 NFL Week 13. Last week I tried something different with my preview. Instead of picking the games, I picked something that I’d rather watch instead of each of the games. I’m not sure how well it reads, but I like the concept, so I will expand on it and try to figure out how to make it work better for the rest of this season and next.

I do know that it would get boring to continually read about my plans to watch things other than football games. Therefore, and because it is Thanksgiving week in the NFL, I will discuss the things that I’m thankful for because of the games. Again, who knows how it will read, but I’m nothing if not persistent.

Also, there is another new category for this week. It is a special one that will only happen during this week in the season. I don’t use the word necessarily as a judgement (even though the games are pretty terrible this year). I just like that we can use “turkey” in so many contexts. Yay for English!

Finally, I have replaced the heading names with more gastronomic terms. Sorry in advance. It’s just all these games are crap. Now, on to 2019 NFL Week 13!

The Turkeys

Chicago at Detroit– You may think there’s not much to be thankful about this game. You’d be right. But, given my history with the Bears defense and fantasy football, I guess I’m thankful that I don’t have to pay attention to any of these games because I’m not in a league.

Buffalo at Dallas – This game makes me thankful for Thanksgiving dinner. By the time this game rolls around, I’m in a gluttony induced state of immobility on the couch. Lying in front of a fire and thinking about leftovers.

Atlanta at New Orleans – Simmons and Sal said that this game happened last year, too, on Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for our crack research team here at 2 Generations Gaming that has been able to confirm that, in fact, this game happened at the exact same time last year. Whoever’s running this simulation is getting lazy.

The Sewer

Washington at Carolina – What is there to be thankful for here? The racist nickname? Oh, we went to South Carolina last summer and that was an amazing trip that our kids still talk about. Oh, and we stopped in DC and had great ramen for dinner.

New York Jets at Cincinnati – I had a difficult time ranking these games from most to least objectionable. They are all terrible. I’m thankful that I don’t have to travel to work on this game. Those poor people. All they wanted was a job in show business and this is their reward.

Tennessee at Indianapolis – I swear to God this game is on the schedule every week. I’m thankful for the South divisions. I know that sounds weird after I called for their abolition last week. But, at least the fact that this game happens once a week reaffirms that we are living in a simulation.

Los Angeles Rams at Arizona – I’m thankful for Kyler Murray. Thanks to him, Lamar Jackson, and Patrick Mahomes, the NFL might start to become slightly less conservative and more fun to watch.

Toilet Bowls

Green Bay at New York Giants – I’m thankful for snow in November. I know the game is in New York and I don’t think that there is snow in the forecast, but Green Bay always makes me think of snow. Wasn’t this the Ice Bowl? At least Green Bay was there.

Philadelphia at Miami – I’m thankful that Miami has a nice climate (for now until it sinks into the ocean because of climate change), so that it takes their minds off of their terrible football team. Their city sinking into the ocean would do that too, I imagine. So, it’s all aces in southern Florida

Tampa Bay at Jacksonville – Once upon a time, Christine and I were planning to move to Tampa Bay. More accurately, it was St Petersburg. Either way, I’m thankful we didn’t. I don’t know if I’d make a proper Florida man.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh – I’m thankful for my family and friends back in Pennsylvania. I’ve often said that I never felt at home until I got to Massachusetts. I know that might sound rude towards them, but I mean no disrespect to them. I wish they could all move up here.

The Bowels

Minnesota at Seattle – I’m thankful that the Sounders won the MLS Cup this year. I became a huge fan of MLS this year and for my favorite team to win the cup was pretty amazing. Add to it, Liverpool is 8 points clear in the lead. It’s a great year for real football.

New England at Houston – I’m thankful that I have more or less been able to avoid Patriots fans this year. Sure, they are 10-1, but the Golden Boy has been less than stellar. Plus, there are rumors that he’s going to leave at the end of the year. Pats fans aren’t sure what to do with that so they’ve been mostly quiet. Hope the Ravens destroy them in the playoffs and really drive that stake in.

Las Vegas at Kansas City – I’m thankful for Cousin Sal. He is the only reason that I even listen to Simmons podcast every week and most weeks I enjoy Sal’s podcast even more. Also, Patrick Mahomes. I don’t want him to get jealous of my Lamar Jackson man crush.

The Stomach (Game of the Week)

San Francisco at Baltimore – I’m thankful for Chris. He’s trying his hardest to keep me invested in the NFL in spite of my increased disinterest in the league. This week, he used the ol’ Lamar Jackson trick. He knows exactly what to say. <3

The Verdict

2019 NFL Week 13 is a stinker. It isn’t as bad as some weeks and I will actually end up watching some football through my eyelids after eating too much turkey. However, I doubt that I’ll see any of the weekend games. Have a great Thanksgiving weekend, all, and hope to see you next week for some Pokemon talk.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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Completely Ignorant 2019 NFL Week 12 Preview

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Note: I think that last week might be the last time I pick games. I’m trying something different for NFL Week 12.

Introduction

We made it to the NFL week 12. 3/4 of the way through the season. The next month or so will probably actually be completely ignorant again. I have been paying some attention to this season because I like the story of some of the newer “good” teams in the league. However, college football bowl season is imminent.

Granted, the Tua injury has me obviously distraught. However, there are some “new” teams in the mix there, too. Besides, watching 60 plus terrible college football games in a month is far more appealing to me than anything the NFL has to offer right now. Speaking of the NFL, I’ve added a new category to the article. The Sewer – these are for the games that I’ve flushed down the toilet bowl.

The Sewer

Detroit at Washington – I know I sound like a broken record, but the Washington mascot is racist. There’s no way around it. This is our nation’s capital and the football team mascot is a racist caricature of a group of people that were systematically executed by our government. Merica! What to watch instead – Speaking of DC, get caught up on the impeachment inquiry. I hear there was some spicy testimony!

Jacksonville at Tennessee – Seriously, is there a reason that the AFC South exists? I know that there are 32 teams and that divides evenly into 8 divisions of 4 teams. However, this might be the only time that I argue against math. Let’s just abolish the South divisions. They only care about college football anyway. Maybe they can become part of a new relegation system in the NFL. What to watch instead – I saw that ESPN was showing old SEC games from a couple of years ago. Much better football.

Las Vegas at New York Jets – That’s right folks, the Las Vegas Raiders. Have they moved yet? Are they ever? At this point, I’m ready to just yeet them and Jacksonville over to London where they can play an entire schedule just between the two of them. What to watch instead – Speaking of London, Sheffield and Man U are playing this afternoon for 8th place in the Premier League.

Toilet Bowls

Miami at Cleveland – Remember at the beginning of the year when everyone thought that Cleveland was going to be the belles of the NFL this year? I mean, I wasn’t one of them, but can you imagine their embarrassment now. They might be so angry that they’d place the Browns low on a ranking system of games every week. What to watch instead – Baseball season ended about a month ago, so remind yourself how much you love that sport with some Major League.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta – Remember what I was saying earlier about the South divisions? This is yet another reminder of the horrors unleashed upon the world because of that NFL math that brought this into existence. What to watch instead – If you really want to watch the story of a creation run amok to destroy a countryside, read Frankenstein.

New York Giants at Chicago – Much of my understanding of the NFL for the last few years comes as a result of various fantasy football leagues. A few years ago, I rode Blake Bortles to a title and last year, I stole the Bears defense to win the regular season champion. Both times, I wasn’t invited back to the league. If only I could translate that success into money via daily fantasy. What to watch instead – Maybe I will check out one of the thousands of daily fantasy websites that have cropped up as a result of a broken capitalism.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati – I’ve spent the better part of 15 minutes trying to think of something to say about this game and I’ve got nothing. Other than this is the epitome of sports today. Two terrible teams playing a meaningless game simply because degenerates are willing to put money on it. What to watch instead – There’s always the Thanksgiving episode of WKRP.

Games that might interest you (but probably shouldn’t)

Carolina at New Orleans – Is this for first place in the NFC South? Who the hell knows because nobody other than the talking heads on ESPN who are getting paid to care even knows the NFC South exists. What to watch instead – A Christmas Story or Grinch will restore faith in a society that allows this abomination to continue to exist.

Denver at Buffalo – I grew up in Erie. Being at the epicenter of Buffalo/Pittsburgh/Cleveland, somehow Buffalo was our team. So, I’m fond of the Bills. What to watch instead – If I’m being honest, I would probably watch this game. Go Bills.

Baltimore at LA Rams – The Rams were in the same bucket as the Browns as preseason favorites. They had a young hotshot coach. A young hotshot QB. Well, those young hotshots are about to get spanked yet again. What to watch instead – Quoth the raven, nevermore. Go outside and enjoy the snow.

Seattle at Philadelphia – I always say that I could probably do what the talking heads on ESPN do. Then again, maybe I couldn’t I have nothing to say about this game, either. Something, something playoff implications. There we go. What to watch instead – Go back and watch the MLS finals from this year. It was a fun game.

Green Bay at San Francisco – Something, something playoff implications. What to watch instead – In keeping with a theme, put on some Christmas music and decorate with the family.

Game of the Week

Dallas at New England – Because I’m becoming known for it, “Eff the Pats”. Seriously, though, this year is exactly why. The Patriots offense is terrible this year, but their defense is just good enough that they are 8-1. What to watch instead – I don’t know about you, but I have to get caught up on comics so that I can post those articles and then play some of the new Pokemon game in preparation for that content.

The Verdict

NFL Week 12 is an awful week of football. The only reason you should be watching any of these games is because you have money on them. Like my dad always said, though, “Don’t ever bet on a game where the ball bounces funny.” What about fantasy football, you say? Well, you’ve seen my history with the game, so what do you think? Thanks for joining me for my NFL week 12 preview and see you next week.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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Completely Ignorant 2019 NFl Week 10 Picks

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Introduction

Welcome to my 2019 NFL Week 10 picks. I’m not entirely sure how I did last week. I haven’t bothered to check. I suppose that as I’m sitting here writing this article, I could easily open up the article and count. Okay, you’ve guilted me into it. I went 7-6. Still positive money if I bet the games correctly.

Okay, now for this week. I think it was on Sal’s podcast this week that I heard that the games aren’t that great. Maybe he just meant betting wise. Comparatively speaking, I was actually able to find some games that were interesting to me. Maybe the NFL is finally wearing me down into a fan of the league. Let’s not think about that. Let’s just make our 2019 NFL Week 10 picks.

Toilet Bowls (New York, New York)

Miami at Indianapolis – I’m going to steal a joke here. On Hang Up and Listen this week, a former writer from Deadspin made the joke about Miami screwing up and winning or something. Hey, I stole and butchered a joke. But, at least I gave credit! Colt win.

New York Giants at New York Jets? – Or, is the other way around? Does it really matter to anyone outside of New York City? I sure as hell don’t care. New York wins. Your guess is as good as mine.

Buffalo Bills at Cleveland Browns – With the Pats finally losing a game, that means that the Bills are one game closer to first place in the AFC East. Sure, they won’t win, but it is still fun to dream. Freddy Kitchens is a disaster. I will say that until he is fired. Bills win.

Arizona at Tampa Bay – This game is borderline meh. The kid from Arizona (if only I had the ability to search for his name) has been fun to watch and Tampa Bay is the bipolar hero we all deserve. The game could be entertaining and Bucs win.

If They’re On, I’ll Watch (Ravens, the Ain’ts, and Pack, Oh My!)

Baltimore at Cincinnati – Maybe I should switch this one and the Arizona/TB game. I have no desire to watch this game other than I’m now a Ravens fan after they just effed the Patriots last week. They’ll just keep on rolling.

Atlanta at New Orleans – I think Drew Brees is back in this game. Or, maybe he was back last week. I can’t remember. Either way, Atlanta is awful this year and New Orleans will win.

Carolina at Green Bay – This game is borderline interesting. But, I already had 4 games in that category, so this one got bumped down. It’s also a tough game to pick, but I’ll take Green Bay at home.

Okay, I’m Interested (Mahomes is back (?), y’all!)

Los Angeles Rams at Pittsburgh – Pittsburgh surprised me last week. Maybe they will further surprise me this week. Why do I keep talking about Pittsburgh? I don’t even consider myself a fan of the team anymore. Old habits die hard. Hopefully LA does the same for the Steelers.

Detroit at Chicago – I’m still high on the Bears defense from last year’s fantasy performance. I’m not sure how they’re performing this year, but I’ll be fans of them for at least the forseeable future. I see you, Blake Bortles! Bears win.

Minnesota at Dallas – Dallas started off doing well, then faded, and now seems to be on the upswing. Minnesota has been consistent much of this year. Heck, this might even have game of the week potential. I think Minnesota crushes Dallas, though.

Kansas City at Tennessee – Mahomes is back! (?) I think so. It looked like he was available to pick in daily fantasy at least. Who knows? I hope he is. He’s the only reason I even pay attention to the NFL. If he’s playing, KC wins. If not, a coin flip.

Game of the Week (Who saw this one at the beginning of the year?)

Seattle at San Francisco – San Fran is scary good right now. After the Pats lost, they are the only undefeated team in the league. Seattle doesn’t care about this game right now because the Sounders are in MLS Cup (ha ha, little jokes), but it will still be a fun game. Let’s go 49ers.

The Verdict

Honestly, though, I’m really interested in this week of football. Thanksgiving is coming which means my annual coma of turkey, beer, and football is near. Maybe that’s why my interest is peaking. Hey, it could just be because the Patriots lost and whenever Pats fans are unhappy, I’m happy. Thanks for reading my 2019 NFL Week 10 picks and see you in a week. Oh, next Thursday, Steelers beat the Browns.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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Completely Ignorant 2019 NFL Week 9 Picks

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Introduction

Welcome to my completely ignorant 2019 NFL Week 9 picks. This past week got away from me again, so it’s another week of just picks. Hopefully, I can get this Pioneer podcast off the ground and then I want to record with Liam about the new Pokemon game. Also, I need to do my DC review for this month. But, if you are here for my terrible picks only, none of those things has anything to do with football.

Last week, I won 7 or 8 games. Not entirely sure. As I probably mentioned, this year is just about getting the picks in before the week starts (oops, thanks Obama!) and I’ll try to figure out how to keep better track next year. So, without further interruption, let’s get to the 2019 NFL Week 9 Picks

Toilet Bowls (The usual suspects)

Houston at Jacksonville at London? – Again, I could look up that this game is actually in London and not just scheduled for early in the morning to prevent anyone from accidentally witnessing this horror. Halloween is over, NFL, come up with some less scary matchups. Houston wins.

Detroit at Oakland – Are the Raiders actually in Oakland? I know they’re moving to Las Vegas soon, but are they actually in Oakland? Or are they in LA? Not that it matters. Detroit is just good enough to beat them no matter where this game is.

New York Jets at Miami – Speaking of horrifying games. Ye gods, bad teams in the NFL are painfully bad. I take nothing away from the Pats (eff the Pats and yes, I take everything from this cheating team), but playing a third of your schedule against this division, any team would be historic. I guess the Jets win?

If they’re on, I’ll watch (As usual, not really, but there are some slightly compelling games)

Washington at Buffalo – Right after I texted Chris that Buffalo was still looking legit they got lit up by the Eagles. Whoops. I still think that they are a decent team this year and should be able to make the playoffs. They’ll bounce back against the racists

Tennessee at Carolina – This is one of those in between games. I don’t think I’d actually watch the game if it was on. However, I don’t think it quite reaches the status of toilet bowl, either. Carolina is decent this year even if Tennessee is snake bitten. Panthers win.

Indianapolis at Pittsburgh – I’d definitely not watch this game if it was on. The Steelers are terrible this year. Indianapolis is only interesting because of how Andrew Luck started the season. Seriously, everyone other than the Pats are irrelevant in the AFC this year. *sigh* Indy wins.

Cleveland at Denver – I was one of those who were on the Cleveland bandwagon at the beginning of the year. All I saw was the talent. I never realized that Freddy Kitchens could be a coach that caused these guys to regress so much. Denver wins and my ego takes another bruising.

Okay, Now I’m Interested (Genuinely in some of these games)

Chicago at Philadelphia – The Eagles surprised me by whipping the Bills last week. I’m still on Chicago’s defense even if they aren’t actually as good as they were last year. Let’s go with the Bears in an upset.

Dallas at New York Giants – I became a fan of the Cowboys when Dak and Cooper carried my shared fantasy football team into the playoffs before disappearing. I like what the kid in New York is doing, but not enough to pick them.

Green Bay at Los Angeles Chargers – Aaron Rodgers is playing up to form. Phillip Rivers is playing like he never sleeps because he has 22 kids. Packers roll.

New England at Baltimore – I heard a stat that Tom Brady is 9-3 in games where the Patriots play the Ravens. I must only remember the 3 losses because it feels like Baltimore is one of those nightmare teams against the Pats. Doesn’t matter this year since the Patriots defense is absurd and winning games by itself. *sigh*

Game of the Week (Even without Mahomes, the Chiefs are entertaining)

Minnesota at Kansas City – Patrick Mahomes suffered from the Madden curse a couple of weeks ago. The Vikings defense is smothering (or it is sometimes). Something’s gotta give here, but I really want the Chiefs to be there to challenge the Patriots in the playoffs, so let’s go KC!

The Verdict

Overall, the 2019 NFL Week 9 isn’t a terrible week of football. There are the requisite terrible games, but in all honesty, I might be keeping an eye on more than one of the other games and not just for daily fantasy purposes. Thanks, as always, for reading and we’ll see you next Sunday. Oh, before I forget, I’d have picked the 9ers, but not in a close one. This Thursday, let’s take the Chargers. But, I kind of want to take the Raiders since home teams are usually good on Thursday. No, I’ll stick with the Chargers.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).