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Completely Ignorant 2019 NFL Week 13 Preview

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Introduction

Welcome to 2019 NFL Week 13. Last week I tried something different with my preview. Instead of picking the games, I picked something that I’d rather watch instead of each of the games. I’m not sure how well it reads, but I like the concept, so I will expand on it and try to figure out how to make it work better for the rest of this season and next.

I do know that it would get boring to continually read about my plans to watch things other than football games. Therefore, and because it is Thanksgiving week in the NFL, I will discuss the things that I’m thankful for because of the games. Again, who knows how it will read, but I’m nothing if not persistent.

Also, there is another new category for this week. It is a special one that will only happen during this week in the season. I don’t use the word necessarily as a judgement (even though the games are pretty terrible this year). I just like that we can use “turkey” in so many contexts. Yay for English!

Finally, I have replaced the heading names with more gastronomic terms. Sorry in advance. It’s just all these games are crap. Now, on to 2019 NFL Week 13!

The Turkeys

Chicago at Detroit– You may think there’s not much to be thankful about this game. You’d be right. But, given my history with the Bears defense and fantasy football, I guess I’m thankful that I don’t have to pay attention to any of these games because I’m not in a league.

Buffalo at Dallas – This game makes me thankful for Thanksgiving dinner. By the time this game rolls around, I’m in a gluttony induced state of immobility on the couch. Lying in front of a fire and thinking about leftovers.

Atlanta at New Orleans – Simmons and Sal said that this game happened last year, too, on Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for our crack research team here at 2 Generations Gaming that has been able to confirm that, in fact, this game happened at the exact same time last year. Whoever’s running this simulation is getting lazy.

The Sewer

Washington at Carolina – What is there to be thankful for here? The racist nickname? Oh, we went to South Carolina last summer and that was an amazing trip that our kids still talk about. Oh, and we stopped in DC and had great ramen for dinner.

New York Jets at Cincinnati – I had a difficult time ranking these games from most to least objectionable. They are all terrible. I’m thankful that I don’t have to travel to work on this game. Those poor people. All they wanted was a job in show business and this is their reward.

Tennessee at Indianapolis – I swear to God this game is on the schedule every week. I’m thankful for the South divisions. I know that sounds weird after I called for their abolition last week. But, at least the fact that this game happens once a week reaffirms that we are living in a simulation.

Los Angeles Rams at Arizona – I’m thankful for Kyler Murray. Thanks to him, Lamar Jackson, and Patrick Mahomes, the NFL might start to become slightly less conservative and more fun to watch.

Toilet Bowls

Green Bay at New York Giants – I’m thankful for snow in November. I know the game is in New York and I don’t think that there is snow in the forecast, but Green Bay always makes me think of snow. Wasn’t this the Ice Bowl? At least Green Bay was there.

Philadelphia at Miami – I’m thankful that Miami has a nice climate (for now until it sinks into the ocean because of climate change), so that it takes their minds off of their terrible football team. Their city sinking into the ocean would do that too, I imagine. So, it’s all aces in southern Florida

Tampa Bay at Jacksonville – Once upon a time, Christine and I were planning to move to Tampa Bay. More accurately, it was St Petersburg. Either way, I’m thankful we didn’t. I don’t know if I’d make a proper Florida man.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh – I’m thankful for my family and friends back in Pennsylvania. I’ve often said that I never felt at home until I got to Massachusetts. I know that might sound rude towards them, but I mean no disrespect to them. I wish they could all move up here.

The Bowels

Minnesota at Seattle – I’m thankful that the Sounders won the MLS Cup this year. I became a huge fan of MLS this year and for my favorite team to win the cup was pretty amazing. Add to it, Liverpool is 8 points clear in the lead. It’s a great year for real football.

New England at Houston – I’m thankful that I have more or less been able to avoid Patriots fans this year. Sure, they are 10-1, but the Golden Boy has been less than stellar. Plus, there are rumors that he’s going to leave at the end of the year. Pats fans aren’t sure what to do with that so they’ve been mostly quiet. Hope the Ravens destroy them in the playoffs and really drive that stake in.

Las Vegas at Kansas City – I’m thankful for Cousin Sal. He is the only reason that I even listen to Simmons podcast every week and most weeks I enjoy Sal’s podcast even more. Also, Patrick Mahomes. I don’t want him to get jealous of my Lamar Jackson man crush.

The Stomach (Game of the Week)

San Francisco at Baltimore – I’m thankful for Chris. He’s trying his hardest to keep me invested in the NFL in spite of my increased disinterest in the league. This week, he used the ol’ Lamar Jackson trick. He knows exactly what to say. <3

The Verdict

2019 NFL Week 13 is a stinker. It isn’t as bad as some weeks and I will actually end up watching some football through my eyelids after eating too much turkey. However, I doubt that I’ll see any of the weekend games. Have a great Thanksgiving weekend, all, and hope to see you next week for some Pokemon talk.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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Completely Ignorant 2019 NFC Preview

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Introduction

Two for two! Welcome to the 2 Generations Gaming 2019 NFC Preview. I stated during my AFC Preview that I hoped it would lead to something. I haven’t gone back to read my preview from last year, but I may have said the same thing then. Apparently, I made it to Week 7 last year before I finally gave up the ghost on my picks last year. This year, I’ll shoot for at least midseason!

In doing some research by reading my older posts, I saw that I picked the divisional order for the teams last year. I also used pithy nicknames for some of the teams. Well, none of that this year. We are professionals! Technically not, since I haven’t gotten paid, but I could be! If you’re listening, I’m listening.

NFC East (Old guys like me talk about this as the best division in football. That confuses youngsters.)

Dallas Cowboys – Last year I made a joke that could have been construed as sexist by calling this team the Cowgirls. Yesterday, Chris and I were talking about how to make the page more relevant and I came up with the idea of thinly veiled racism and misogyny. I do believe that qualifies.

New York Giants – What do you mean, you wanted me to talk about the Cowboys? Dak wants 40 million a year and he will probably get it because Jerry Jones is old and he wants to win another Super Bowl before he dies. What more can I say? Economics in the NFL are just as screwed up in real life.

Philadelphia Eagles – The Giants? Really? Now, I know you’re putting me on. Nobody wants to hear a thing about the Giants. They’re wasting Saquan Barkley’s prime years by propping up the corpse of Eli Manning at QB. Plus, they traded his best weapon to Cleveland in the offseason. Eff outta here. Nobody wants to talk about the Giants.

Washington *redacted* – Okay, I will talk about Philly. They are the only team in this division that has a realistic chance of doing anything this year. Especially now that Carson Wentz is back and playing. *checks notes* What’s this? He’s hurt again? Not really, but you were about to Google it, weren’t you. Plus, talking about the Eagles means that I don’t have to talk about the team in our nation’s capital with the racist nickname.

NFC West (This division is starting to look like the AFC East with the Rams and 3 relegation teams)

Arizona Cardinals – I think the joke has run its course. That’s good because I seriously don’t want to even give Washington a joke preview. It’s unfortunate news because I have nothing to say about Arizona. Uh, Kyler Murray is the next Patrick Mahomes? Yeah, keep telling yourself that Cardinals fans.

Los Angeles Rams – Bill Simmons was very high on the Rams this year. I can’t figure out if that’s genuine or he’s just trying to reverse jinx them. I’m not sure why it would be the latter. They showed last year that the copy is never quite as sharp as the original when they laid that egg in the Super Bowl. Maybe he got an advance copy of the script and knows the NFL is going to their all to push this Rams/Saints rivalry.

San Francisco 49ers – The 49ers are still in San Francisco, right? For some reason, I feel like they’ve moved to another part of California. That seems to be the chic thing to do out there in the sunshine state. No, still San Fran? Well, okay. The hype train has left ol’ Jimmy G-sus in favor of some new and actually talented hotness.

Seattle Seahawks – I’ve probably told this story before. However, here it is again for new readers. Many years ago a friend and I were discussing the NFL and he said something about the Seattle team. With no irony, I replied, “Seattle has a football team?” And this was even before my hipster interest in the MLS where I would have mistaken them for the Sounders.

NFC North (Berman used to call this the Norris, but he’s retired, so I’m stealing his gag.)

Chicago Bears – You’re right. I didn’t talk about Seattle. I’m not going to talk about them here, either. That’s what you get for not having a football team, Seattle. Okay, that was a low blow. They’re still stinging from losing the Sonics and now I’m taking away the Seahawks. What, the Bears? They had one of the best defenses in years and squandered it with tandem running backs and Mitch Trubisky at QB. Shut up about the Bears.

Detroit Lions – In the interest of full disclosure and also to reveal a bit about how my thought process works, let me tell you the tale of Matthew Stafford. Matthew Stafford is the starting quarterback for the Detroit Lions. Both last year and this year when his name came up in The Ringer NFC preview, I texted Chris, “Matthew Stafford is still in the league?” The end.

Green Bay Packers – So, to piggy back on that last statement about texting with Chris, he texted me something about Max Kellerman (I think, all those pundit guys are the same person to me) saying, “Aaron Rodgers is the GOAT, but he’s not the best of all time”. It’s those sorts of stupid statements that make me wonder how I’m not doing this for a living. As Chris said, “Maybe we’re just not dumb enough.”

Minnesota Vikings – So, I put the Tampa Bay Bucanners in this spot. Never mind my questionable grasp of geography. What does that say about both the Vikings and Tampa Bay? I mean, I guess Minnesota might make a run at something in this division? But, Tampa Bay has no chance. I don’t care what Simmons says.

NFC South (Maybe we can move Tampa with Jacksonville to London)

Atlanta Falcons – Hey, I knew the Falcons were first in this division without even looking it up! Maybe I’m not “completely” ignorant of football. I’m also on board the Matt Ryan bandwagon that they have boarding at the beginning of the season. This could be a big year for Matty Ice.

Carolina Panthers – I did have to look up that the Panthers came next. So, my knowledge of the NFC South only goes one team deep. The Panthers tend to have a weird on again/off again success loop between even and odd years. This is an odd year. However, can Cam Newton even throw a football anymore? He’s in Peyton Manning territory with the shoulder surgeries.

New Orleans Saints – I know the Saints seem snake bitten. However, I’m picking them as my “it” team this year. Maybe that’s exactly why I’m picking them. I like to go against the grain so that I look like a genius when the unexpected happens. Granted, picking the Saints to be good isn’t that off the grid, but there are some rumblings about Drew Brees being old. So, maybe I’ll get to shout “Take that, haters!” at some of the talking heads.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Simmons was also really high on the Bucs. This one made no sense to me. Jameis Winston is still their quarterback, right? And, when he sucks again, Fitzmagic isn’t even there to fake everyone out for a game or two. I almost find that pick more offensive than the Kellerman quote. He must have gotten an advance copy of the script.

The Verdict

Thanks for reading 2 Guys Gaming 2019 NFC Preview. This conference feels a bit more wide open than the AFC. Unlike the AFC where the Pats (Eff the Pats) are a clear favorite, it could be the Rams, Falcons, or Saints by my measure. I just hope that it doesn’t end with a screw job like last year.

That makes me perhaps more excited to watch the NFC this year than the AFC. Sure the AFC has Mahomes and Baker, but the NFC has Brees and Ryan. Their two games this year could score 250 to 300 points cumulative. I also made the comment that unless the LA Rams throw 75 times a game, their receivers aren’t going to be fantasy studs this year. Someone replied, “They very well could.” Bring on the season.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).