Way back in January of last year, I covered the Super Bowl from a fan standpoint and one of a potentially degenerate gambler. While I never developed the gambling habit, I still enjoyed parts of this season and the text chains that Jason, Chris, and I wrote in response. In the past, I covered every round of the playoffs. Sometimes I forgot and only wrote about the Super Bowl. This year, inspired by the Lions and their unlikely appearance and my dime that I put on the Ravens at +140 at the beginning of the playoffs, I’ll take some time to talk about the 2024 NFL Conference Championships.
2024 NFC Conference Championship: Detroit Lions at San Francisco 49ers
Why I’d root for the 49ers: They just get shit done. In spite of the hype about the Eagles at the beginning of the season and the Cowboys at the beginning of the playoffs, here they are again with a chance to play in their 8th Super Bowl and their 3rd in the last ten years. Plus, how can you not root for an underdog quarterback taken late in the draft. Unless his name is Tom Brady. Eff that guy.
Why I’d root for the Lions: I mean, isn’t this one obvious? Other than the Browns and Bills and, maybe even including them, the Lions fans are some of the most long suffering in the league. They had Barry freaking Sanders for 10 years and were only able to win one playoff game in that time. I mean, before the Bills had their hearts ripped out again, I wanted Detroit and Buffalo for the first time winners bowl. Alas, we can still get the Lions.
2024 AFC Conference Championship: Kansas City Chiefs vs. Baltimore Ravens
Why I’d root for the *dry heave* Ravens: The bet. Really, that’s it. Eh, I guess I kinda like Lamar, too. Otherwise, screw the zombie Browns.
Why I’d root for the Chiefs: Those who frequent the page often know there’s only one answer to this one, too. Mahomes. Literally, that’s it. I still love the guy in spite of everything and refuse to join the mob that builds people up just to tear them down. Okay, I do kinda like the Kelce/T-Swizzle storyline, too. I mostly just like how upset it makes big tough football dudes.
The Verdict
The 2024 NFL Conference Championships are much less interesting without the Bills. But, I do have the dime on the Ravens and the hope that the Lions can pull off the win against the 49ers. Come back after the games for our post mortem and then the Super Bowl preview.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
I wrote about my success Betting the Bowl 2023 yesterday. The cliffs notes version (I discussed this with a student the other day. Do they even do cliffs notes anymore? I know they also had Spark Notes, but I never hear about them either) reads as follows. Local math teacher bets 99 cents to win back 93 cents. Extrapolate that out to any meaningful amount of money and I paid off my mortgage this year. But, there’s more to the Super Bowl than just betting. So, I present our Super Bowl LVII Post Mortem.
Wait, what? More to the Super Bowl than betting? Of course. Food. Commercials. Halftime show. And, oh yea, they played a game, too. Naturally, the game ended with controversy. I heard someone say that if you want to say the NFL is rigged, just look at the fact that Super Bowls always stay competitive until the end of the game and often with a reason to discuss them for at least a week after they end. But, we focus on the positive here.
Food (Not as Fancy as Years Past, But Still Tasty)
Those who follow the page know that we often don’t watch the game around here. In my house, only I care about football. So, I made a deal a few years ago with my family. Now, we pick a movie or television show and watch a marathon. I make the traditional types of food associated with the Super Bowl. Usually, I make jalapeno poppers, twice baked potatoes, chicken and beef sliders, and marinated chicken tenders (I know people get mad when you call them “wings” because people just get mad these days).
Hell, I could make people really apoplectic by saying they’re made out of cauliflower.
This year, I actually received an invitation to watch the game. My father in law invited me over to watch. Usually, he watches with my brother in law, but either he was busy or didn’t care because the Patriots were nowhere to be found this year. As a result, my mother in law made pasta for us and I spread the apps around the remainder of last week.
Commercials (Serena Proves Memorable, Everyone Else Needs a Reminder)
First, ignore the perversity of watching an event strictly for the commercials. I promise to leave my communist agenda at the door if you promise to agree that a billion dollars is too much money for one person to possess. Okay? Okay. Now, about those commercials.
Honestly, thinking back on them, I remember exactly one. Well, I remember two, but the second makes me so furious that I want t o murder who ever came up with the idea. You’re curious, aren’t you? Give me a chance. Maybe I’ll tell you. Okay, just because I want it done and over with. The fucking Jesus commercials. You have multiple billions of dollars to spend and you spend it on two Super Bowl commercials? What about the actual mission of Jesus to feed and clothe the poor? Yeah, I thought so. Sorry for the curse word, but it makes me so mad.
Think POSITIVE!!!
The only other one I remember without looking it up involves Serena Williams giving the Any Given Sunday speech. To show how ineffective I find advertisements, I have no idea what they advertised. Simply that Serena Williams gave the speech. So, yea, billions well spent.
After looking them up, I also enjoyed the Ben Affleck Dunkin Donuts ad, mostly because I remember hearing about it when they filmed it. Seeing Jesse and Walt again brought back good memories. And, I danced a little bit with the couple on hold. Plus, one of my former colleagues posted that they used a local police department’s hold music. That made me smile. Other than that, I used the commercials as God intended, to use the bathroom. He definitely gets us.
Halftime Show (Is She? Am I Allowed to Ask that? Oh Wait, That’s Umbrella!)
Rhianna came out looking very pregnant. I refrained from asking the question because, ignorant of her situation, I wanted to remain respectful. So, I watched, and made a few comments in the group chat with Chris and Jason. My father in law finally broke the ice, so I looked it up. Rhianna performed the halftime show pregnant less than a year after giving birth. I don’t care who you are. That’s impressive. Except, remember how I said that people in this country get mad about everything. Yeah, a certain segment of the population in this country (or Russian bots pretending) got mad about it.
Dab on the haters. You go, girl!
My only complaint. She performed umbrella without Jay-Z. It made me even more upset when I saw that he attended the game. I understand that Jay-Z can do what he wants with his time, but can you imagine the reaction on Twitter? Oh well, I still enjoyed the show. Y’all should try not being such grumpy gusses.
Why I’m Mad the Chiefs Won
I came up with this half baked idea the other day when planning the article in my head. I think I wrote something along these lines when I wrote the preview article. I’m not mad the Chiefs won, but according to my social media, many of my friends and associates are. I wonder why.
5. Betting – I heard none of this talk from the people in my circle, but some of my podcasts talked about how the betting money went heavy in the favor of the Eagles. So, those who bet on the wrong side of the game got their narrative that the NFL fixed the game. Stay mad.
4. Mahomes – I love Mahomes. Granted, even I started to get sick of him a bit this year, so I suppose I sympathize with this line of thinking. Even so, watching him play football puts all of that out of my mind and I fall in love all over again. Stay mad.
3. Eagles Fans – Admittedly, I try not to associate with such lower life forms (I joke Iggs. I love all people), but I understand their pain here. My Steelers won way more Super Bowls than they lost (okay, I’ll stop piling on), but the ones they lost sting with that feeling of what might have been. Take solace in the fact that rarely do Super Bowl runners up ever make it back to the big game the next year and losing both coordinators makes it tougher. Okay, I’m done. But, seriously, stay mad.
2. Patriots Fans – Living in Massachusetts, I associate with many Patriots fans. I saw more than one piss and moan about how the Chiefs bled the last two minutes off the clock. I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to make the comment. Patriots fans during this Super Bowl: I hate what the Chiefs are doing, but I find it strangely familiar and attractive. Stay mad.\
In bill we trust, but Eff Andy Reid, right? Sports are so weird.
1. Refs – Two weeks in a row, the Chiefs benefited from dubious calls at the end of the game. Part of the reason I started to turn on Mahomes was the hit out of bounds against the Bungs. Then, I remembered if not for that, the Bungs maybe went to the Super Bowl. So, eff that. Maybe you think the end of the game sucked. But, a textbook hold and Mahomes threw the ball that way to make sure they caught it on tape. The ref got caught in damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. He’s human. He made a split second decision. Stay mad.
Why I’m Elated the Chiefs Won
Now, we finally come to the reason for writing my Super Bowl LVII post mortem. Hey, I’m a fan, not a professional journalist. I owe nothing in the way of journalistic integrity. I already said that I love Mahomes and hate the Iggs and Bungs. So, the fact that they made those fan bases even more miserable gives me great schadenfreude.
Aside from that, and not to lecture too much, but it’s only a damn game. Like I said to my father when he asked at the beginning for a prediction. First, I said, I usually can predict with some confidence. Not so this year. So, I went with, “Don’t bet against Mahomes.” Then I said, I can’t even really come up with a reason to hate either of these teams except that I’m from Pittsburgh and we hate Philly for some reason. I guess I’m maturing.
I troll, but I love ya, Philly
So, I went with joy. I love Mahomes. Andy Reid deserves a few championships for recognizing and utilizing Mahomes to his full potential. Travis Kelce is a ridiculous talent, too. Juju got run out of Pittsburgh, so good on him for finding a soft landing spot. They all won and good for them.
Five Big Plays
A million years ago, I ran a Pittsburgh Steelers fan page. It existed so early in the days of the internet that it ranked as the #2 or #3 (depending on the week) such page at the time. During the evolution of the page, I came up with the idea for a five big plays section in recaps. I think I used it once before on this page, but don’t remember. Well, if so, the triumphant return of five big plays in this Super Bowl LVII post mortem!
5. KC wins the toss and defers: Not an earth shattering strategy. Most teams now defer to the second half when given the option. But, when Philly went right down and scored, I got a bit nervous. Then, Mahomes matched. Okay, game on. The strategy nearly paid off, but the Chiefs borked the end of the first half before righting the ship at halftime and coming out gangbusters in the second half. That all started with the very first decision of the game.
4. Jalen Hurts Fumble: This changed the entire complexion of the game. But, perversely, not how you expect. A. Philly looked almost unstoppable and they proved it for the rest of the first half. B. The Chiefs defense showed they came to play a bit. C. It kept Mahomes off the field for a ridiculous amount of time. So, no momentum shift and it weirdly benefited Philly. Yet, they took no advantage from it and that showed up later in the game.
3. Pacheco Touchdown: As mentioned, KC deferred. They took the opening kickoff right at Philly and Philly showed no capacity to handle the halftime adjustments made by KC. You want to look for a reason that KC won, look no further. Good experienced coach punks good young coach. Simple formula, really.
Plus, because of the terrible field, he almost blew out his ACL celebrating.
2. The Reversed Fumble: People want to talk about the officiating, but strangely leave this call out of the conversation. If this call stands, I think KC rolls for the rest of the game. Sure, Philly showed some sparks of life in the second half, but I think this play negates any of that if not overturned.
1. The Hold: I may sound very condescending here. I apologize in advance. I understand why people might be upset about this call. Many people who watch the Super Bowl, even those who watch football regularly, can be easily swayed by public opinion. And, yes, I might even be persuaded to agree that the call maybe needed to be ignored. But, I also explained up above how. Put yourself in that ref’s shoes. Really, honestly, think about it. See? We’re all human. And, honestly, it’s very large men playing a child’s game.
The Verdict
I enjoyed Super Bowl LVII. And, I enjoyed writing this Super Bowl LVII post mortem. I missed watching movies or television shows with my family. Especially as the kids get older, you get less and less of a chance of that. But, and not to get too personal here, we got through a lot as a family the last few years and came out stronger. So, those opportunities will present themselves again. I hope you enjoyed this version of the Super Bowl LVII post mortem and see you next year.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
In our coin flip post mortem, we worried about the Bills, hated the Jags, Bolts, VIkings, and GIants, and didn’t care all that much about the 9ers, Hawks, Bungs, and Rats. In a shocking turn of events, we liked the Cowboys more than any other team last weekend. I guess all I can say about that is, “Thank goodness Mahomes is back this weekend.” He is the only thing making this 2023 NFL Divisional round spectacular.
On that subject, Christine, Craig, Leanne, and I went to the UMass/UConn hockey game last night. The alma mater lost a heartbreaker, 4-3, in overtime. In spite of that, we enjoyed the game. And what does any of this have to do with Mahomes? Well, Craig and I caught up on our usual sport talk. And, he mentioned that he hated Mahomes. Wait, what? I might have to reconsider this friendship after all these years.
Besides, look at these seats!
Jags at Chefs, Saturday 4:25pm
As it happens, Mahomes plays in our first game. Most people think the Chefs roll. The NFL scheduling department clearly believes that, too. They put this as the Saturday matinee because they know the only people watching then are fans of the teams and the degenerate gamblers. Even though that’s not me, what I say next will give you pause. I put a fake 480 on a KC/Phi 6.5 point tease. Still, I plan to meet Christine and Quinn for dinner after his swim meet.
Gynts at Iggs, Saturday 8:15 pm
The sharps all like New York in this game. Other than the fictional money I just mentioned, I don’t care one way or another who wins this game.
Bungs at Bills, Sunday 3:00 pm
I worry again about the Bills this weekend. Like everyone, I want a repeat of Bills-Chefs from last year. However, as I said to Craig yesterday, while I like Allen, I hate him, too. He thinks he’s Mahomes. It doesn’t need to be said. Nevertheless, after that amazing analysis up there, I need to flesh this section out a bit more. So, let me definitively say, “Josh, sweetie, you are no Patrick Mahomes.” Stop trying to be. Play within your game and you will be fine against the Bungs. Because, if I get mothereffing Joe Burrow in the Super Bowl again, I hold you personally responsible.
Pokes at 9ers, Sunday 6:15pm
If I bet on this stupid sport, I’d put my mortgage on the 9ers in this game. They, by far, come into this weekend as the most complete and healthy (in spite of Jimmy G-sus) team. The Pokes defense, when they want to be, can absolutely smother teams. I don’t see that happening this weekend against San Fran.
The Verdict
Truly, only Mahomes makes this 2023 NFL Divisional Round spectacular. Craig said that any potential matchup next weekend is okay with him. I agreed last night, but must have been high on the potential of the hockey game. Today, in the light of a new day, I want Bills/Chefs and Iggs/Pokes. So, we are sure to get Bungs/Chefs and Iggs/9ers. See you next week for the post mortem and conference championships extravaganza.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
Someone called us out on the page many years ago. They said it focused too much on pop culture and not enough on gaming. After that, I changed the tagline to reflect my “occasional pop culture musings”. During especially active times, that includes movie and TV show reviews. Mostly, I just cover major NFL and college events. One of my favorites ever year is the NFL Wild Card weekend, which I dubbed the Coin Flip Weekend. The NFL, as always tried to upsell us by attaching a “super to the beginning.” I refuse, so this is just a regular old NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2023 Post mortem.
Because, honestly, I found none of the games particularly compelling. I think the most controversial thing I texted all weekend was in response to the Bills-Fins game, “Another choke job in the making?” Buffalo played just well enough to avoid that, but I worry about my boy Josh Allen against the horseshoe up Cincy’s ass. More on that in the preview Saturday morning before the games. I forgot until the last minute about my annual previews of the playoffs. Fear not, fans of Flip! I included all of the prognostications in my post mortem.
This year, we upgraded Flip to a Greek coin, a Silver Tetradrachm Bactria bearing the bust of Eucratides. Blame random.org and my weird obsession with Greek things.
Frisco Spanks the Seachickens, 41-23
Prognostications: I picked Frisco. Flip had the 49ers by a count of 52-48.
I admit to thinking that Seattle might have a shot to pull off the upset. Then Brock Purdy things happened (and who knew at the beginning of the year that we would have Brock Purdy things happening in the playoffs?) and Frisco cruised. But they can never take the fact that Geno Smith outperformed Russell Wilson in a major way and reinforced my belief in NFL karma.
Jags Come Back On the Bolts, 31-30, and Shock the World
Prognostications: I foolishly backed the Bolts. Flip believed, 55-45.
Well, they shocked me. Okay, I woke up mildly surprised after catching up on the text chain and seeing the result of the game. You think I’d have more loyalty to the Jags. One year in fantasy football, riddled by injuries at the QB position, I rode Blake Bortles the last few weeks right to one of my two championships. But, like all of the AFC South (and honestly NFC South this year), the best I can muster is thundering indifference. Honestly, I wish we just sent them all overseas and try the NFL Europe experiment again.
Buffalo nearly Buffalos It Away Against the Fins, 34-31
Prognostications: I picked Buffalo in blowout. Flip split it 50-50 with the tiebreaker going to Miami.
A few years ago (maybe many at this point), Buffalo played against New England. They dominated the whole game only to see Golden Boy and the Pats come back on them in spectacular fashion. The game ended on a muffed special teams play and New England won. All I texted Chris was, “That’s why you’re Buffalo.” And, in spite of having a once in a lifetime talent at quarterback, they are still Buffalo.
Gynts and Vikings Forget Their Defenses, 31-24
Prognostications: I picked the Gynts, along with all of the other sharps. Flip gave the Vikings the edge, 51-49
While that score is not particularly high, this game featured almost no defense. Every time I looked up, one team or the other easily gained 15-20 yards and both teams scored seemingly at will. I mean, we all knew Minny was fraudulent all year, but did they have to prove it so convincingly in the playoffs? Ye gods.
Bungs Break Rats’ Hearts, 24-17
Prognostications: Both Flip and I leaned heavily for the Bungs. Him, 55-45
I picked the Bungs. I even put them into one of my fictional future bets to make the Super Bowl. For what it’s worth, I also threw together a long shot of Rats/Pokes that would have paid off my mortgage if it hit. Then, I tuned into the game and witnessed the mess that all AFC North games become and posted. “I’m rooting for the meteor.” Old rivalries die hard, ya’ll Then, I hoped on hope that 1st and goal from the 2 meant that the Rats would pay my mortgage. Alas, the Bungs somehow scored instead and I thought NFL Gamecenter might be drunk. It happens more than you think.
Pokes Get Revenge for Gisele, 31-14
Prognostications: Both I and Flip (54-46) knew Brady is old, but the old man still puts a spook in us.
I texted something about finally being vindicated because Rodgers missed the playoffs and Brady threw for less than 100 in the first half of this game. The “media” started caping pretty hard for the two old guys late in the season and I’m glad they both got theirs. Jason accused me of jinxing it, which I might have, but not even the powerful Lucas jinx can defeat Father Time.
The Verdict
The AFC gives us some potentially great games. The NFC returns serve with two potential ass whippings. I forgot the Coin Flip preview, but remembered the NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2023 Post Mortem. Hopefully that bodes well for the previews and post mortems for the remainder of the playoffs. Who knows, we might even get a cameo from the original USFL. What’s that? A teaser? Stay tuned and find out.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
Welcome to our NFL Divisional Round 2022 reaction post. It’s been a while before since we did one of these. I intended to write this post earlier in the week. I should just name this page “I intended to…” since that’s how most posts begin lately Then, I spend some time explaining why I never wrote the post. It almost always boils down to being busy at school. So, if you’ve heard it all before, feel free to skip to the actual post.
This week grades closed. I needed to grade, try to inspire kids to get caught up, and still advance my lessons. In addition, I promised to go see a boy’s basketball game, a girl’s basketball game (I missed this one because of car difficulties), a girl’s hockey game, a UMass hockey game, and a boy’s hockey game (it got cancelled because of the snow today). As my Facebook memory said, “Being a teacher who gives a shit is exhausting.”
But, I finally get to give my thoughts on the games from last weekend. I apologize in advance because I can’t describe these games without cursing. Let this be your only warning.
Liberal use of the “F” word coming up.
Fucking Aaron Rodgers/Fucking Jimmy G
As one of my students put it, Jimmy G is the luckiest quarterback in the league. As several of the hosts on the podcast I listen to put it, Jimmy G is the most mediocre quarterback since Eli Manning to be this close to going to a second Super Bowl. As I put it in a text to Chris, I guess Jimmy G has part of Brady’s golden horseshoe shoved up his ass. Whatever the case, it’s dumb that I am going to have to mention his name tomorrow in my preview post.
What can I cay about Aaron Rodgers? Keep it simple, Stupid. I replied to a friend from Chicago on Instagram. “Aaron Rodgers is a bum.” Seriously, I fell for the narrative about him being better than Brady, but stuck on less talented teams. He fell far this year, not only on the field, but as a person, too. His goofy gold old boy image melted into that of an out of touch boomer.
Fucking Joe Burrow
It made no difference to me who won this game. I said several times over the week that Bills/Chiefs looked like the AFC Championship. So, I defaulted to rooting against the Titans simply because Matt Tannehill (stupid joke between me and Chris) insults football fans by being a starting quarterback. I hate him almost as much as Jimmy G. I regret that a bit now because the Bungles are one miracle game away from infesting the Super Bowl. C’mon Chiefs.
Cooper Fucking Kupp
We now move to the positive. You can tell it’s now positive because I moved the expletive to the middle. That’s my way to show respect instead of derision. It’s also the first of three texts I sent to Chris throughout the day on Sunday. It followed, “I don’t want to say this too loud, but it looks like no Super Bowl for Brady this year” and “Holy shit, Brady still has part of that golden horseshoe after all.” Author’s Note: I just got news that Brady retired. As I wrote on Instagram, I had fun hating you for 22 years. Enjoy retirement, old man.
Josh FUCKING ALLEN!!!
As you guessed, the second of three texts sent to Chris on Sunday. What an end to that game. Allen secures himself as a top notch quarterback and gets one up on Mahomes. Better luck next year, Patrick. It’s just the Bills year. What’s this? There’s 13 seconds left? I watched the live odds on Fanduel all game and right about now, I saw the Chiefs at +188. I heard they got to 16 to 1, but I never saw that. Honestly, if I did, I’d have figured out a way to put my mortgage on the line at those odds. As weird as it sounds, I knew Mahomes would pull out the win. 13 seconds is too much time.
Patrick Fucking Mahomes
And, just like that, we get more of this game. Really, just more of the Chiefs. Honestly, just more of Mahomes. So high off the end of this game, I text to Chris, “Cincy won’t stay within 3 TDs of KC.” He agrees. Luckily, the students bring me back down to earth on Monday. “They beat KC a couple weeks ago.” Good point.
Also, people both complaining about the overtime rules and telling Buffalo to just stop someone. I see the argument about defense being part of the game and I wanted to see more of that, too. However, if they used college rules, as I (yes, again) texted Chris, “…they’d still be playing.” My original man crush is back and fucking Joe Burrow better not fuck this up for me.
The Verdict
Some said the NFL Divisional Round 2022 was the best weekend of playoff football, maybe ever. I hate when we fall into recency bias like that. I also hate nostalgia bias. What I will say is that Chiefs/Bills game was the most fun I had watching football in a long time. I posted the following picture on my Instagram and I meant it.
I would watch the fuck out of this.
Instead we get the possibility that the Bungs bungle their way in and the 49ers carry Jimmy G’s corpse into the Super Bowl. If that happens, it just follows the crappy narratives of the last two years. But, it has to change eventually, right? Maybe LA and KC are just what we need to exorcise all of these demons. As the NFL Divisional Round 2022 showed us, faith is sometimes rewarded.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
I think that Chris missed my article this week about the NFL Conference Championships 2021. He texted yesterday to ask my picks for the Super Bowl. I know we talked about it at the end of the wild card round and I told him Kansas City vs. Green Bay. Maybe he wanted to see if I changed my mind.
Spoiler Alert: I didn’t change my mind.
I responded, “I want to see KC/TB, but Brady still has that mojo even if he isn’t very good.” He replied that he wanted to see the same. I hopefully texted back, “The solace is that Brady faced Brees, who is clearly on his last leg. At this point, Rodgers is the superior quarterback.” He agreed. So, since that’s settled, what will I write in this article.
A couple of years ago, I ranked the potential Super Bowls according to an extremely scientific “Eff the Pats” scale. Since the Patriots sucked out loud this year without Brady, I won’t have to implement that scale. I don’t hate Brady as an individual. He only offended me in his unholy union with Belichick. Maybe I should use a “Mahomes Magic” scale. It’s just the “Eff the Pats” scale, but positive. Everyone, send your magic to the Chefs for tomorrow. Chad Henne did okay last week, but I need Mahomes. Continue to read my thoughts on the NFL Conference Championships 2021.
Bills/Bucs – 0 Mahomes Magic
Technically, Bills/Packers is 0 Mahomes Magic, too. However, I will explain in the next section why that isn’t true. This game is, for sure, 0 Mahomes Magic, though. No actual Mahomes. We do get discount Mahomes in Josh Allen. However, if he beats the Chefs, I would be too bitter to enjoy watching him play in the Super Bowl.
Add in the fact that I’d have to watch another Tom Brady Super Bowl and you have a recipe for a potential emotional breakdown. Granted, I just admitted that I don’t hate Brady as a player or even as a person (but he does seem like kind of a trash person sometimes). Not wanting to see Brady again fits into my “been there, done that” box. Plus, the media would simply fellate Brady for the entire two weeks leading to the Super Bowl. It’s enough to make me dry heave.
Bills/Packers – 3 Mahomes Magic
How, without Mahomes even in the game, does it receive any Mahomes Magic, let alone three? Patience. I told you I will explain and I will. Granted, this scenario lacks Patrick Mahomes, as mentioned. However, it also lacks any mention of TB12, too. For me, the addition of Rodgers at the subtraction of Brady is an automatic +3 Mahomes Magic.
I always liked Rodgers. Even when I used to be a bigger Steelers fan and his Packers beat them in the Super Bowl, I shrugged and tipped my hat to the man. Ever since reading the article a few weeks ago that he has thrown only 89 picks in his career. Okay, pause a moment after that last stat because this next one is the real mind screw. He’s thrown 3 (yes, 3) pick sixes. Five guys, including our man Hall of Famer Eli Manning, has throw 3 in a game.
Watching Rodgers eviscerate the Bills defense would put my mind at ease that they beat Mahomes to get there.
Chiefs/Bucs – 5 Mahomes Magic
I mean, let’s be real. Mahomes is worth 10 Mahomes Magic by himself. However, I said I would be consistent to the other scale, so he’s just an automatic 5. Not even Brady is enough to knock that dew off of the lily. Add to the fact that Mahomes beat Brady 3 out of the 4 times they’ve played and I have full confidence in him doing it again.
Sure, there’s the possibility of Brady fellating as mentioned earlier. However, Mahomes Magic easily eclipses anything that Brady brings to the table. Plus, watching that sad old man trip over his walker while the young and virile Patrick Mahomes smile his way through 4 or 5 TDs and another Super Bowl MVP is enough to make a man swoon.
Chiefs/Packers – 8 Mahomes Magic
Mahomes. No Brady in sight. Rodgers. Endless State Farm commercials. What more can you ask for? Nothing. This might be the most perfect Super Bowl matchup in history. If it doesn’t happen, I’m going to simulate it 25,000 times to assuage my hurt. So, if either the Bills or Bucs win, get ready for 70 years of “Super Bowl LV – How It Should Have Been”.
The Verdict
Seriously, though, any outcome of the NFL Conference Championships 2021 is okay with me. Besides, we never actually watch the game. We started a tradition maybe a decade ago now where we watch all of the movies from a franchise on Super Bowl day while still eating the standard Super Bowl fare of appetizers. In honor of Cobra Kai, this year it will be The Karate Kid series. Hey, don’t blame me. Christine came up with the idea. I’d be happy simply rewatching Cobra Kai.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
Okay, that’s more like it. While I thought the Coin Flip weekend was underwhelming, I enjoyed the heck out of the divisional round this past weekend. I look forward to discussing all of it in this NFL Divisional Playoffs 2021 post mortem article. Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun watching the NFL.
It might have been the Steelers/Arizona Super Bowl. Surely, that’s the last game to make me jump out of my seat.
Granted, it wasn’t all wine and roses this weekend, as we will discuss in the article. I experienced one of the single scariest moments of my football fan life this weekend .I guarantee you know what I’m talking about. Nevertheless, I will keep that modicum of suspense so that you continue reading.
I will structure this NFL Divisional Playoffs 2021 post mortem article by analyzing each game. I will start with the game that I considered to be the least exciting and progress to the most exciting game of the weekend in my opinion. Okay, enough explanation. Let’s talk some football.
Snooze Fest (Ravens 3, Bills 17)
I considered this my game of the week going into the weekend. Both of these teams have shot into my top 5 over the last couple of years. I love both quarterbacks. Imagine my surprise then, when I spent most of the first half ignoring it to play chess with my son, then went to bed at halftime. I woke up to a text from Chris about LJ’s injury and checked the score. Turns out, I missed nothing. Well, technically, I missed two Buffalo TDs, but really all I missed was a terrible game.
An exciting blowout (Rams 18, Packers 32)
I knew the outcome of this game before it played. The Rams honestly had no chance. Sure, people commented repeatedly about number 1 defense vs. number 1 offense and that statistic. Turns out none of that matters with Aaron Rodgers residing on the opposing sideline. He and the Packers shredded the Rams. If I’m being honest, I have no idea how the Rams even scored the 18 points they got. Still, a fun game.
More exciting if it hadn’t given me a heart attack (Browns 17, Chefs 22)
Patrick Mahomes went down with a clear concussion. For some reason (plausible deniability), the network played coy about his status for the rest of the game. Until they weren’t able to deny it any longer, then they finally reported it. Now, the rest of this week will simply be shows talking about him in protocol and whether he will play next week. Already, Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption did a segment on it. I might have to avoid sports talk for the rest of this week. Aside from that, I enjoyed this game. The Browns made it much closer than it should have been. Chris and I both texted one another to say that we thought it was over after the Baker pick deep in their territory. Turns out it wasn’t over until the last play of the game. And, that call took cajones.
Why Was This Game So Fun? (Bucs 30, Aints 20)
There’s something to be said for not having a rooting interest in the game. I hate both these quarterbacks. Well, perhaps hate is too strong a word. However, of the quarterbacks in the divisional round, I put these two guys at the bottom of the likability index. However, I did get what I asked for from this game. Old Man Brady pulled out another of his patented “how the hell did he win that game” games. The Aints suffered another of their recent heartbreaking losses. Perhaps this game says more about me and my capacity for schadenfreude than I’d like. But, if you’ve been here for any time at all, you already knew that.
The Verdict
Other than the Bills, every game went the way I hoped. Even the Bills winning was half a win for me since I only slightly favored the Ravens in the game. That’s not why I enjoyed the weekend so much, though. For whatever reason, I put aside the adult trappings of cynicism and watched football like I used to when I was a kid. I cheered. I shouted. You know what else? I nearly cried over Mahomes’ injury. Hell, I even came to terms with the fact that TB12 might not be as BS as I’ve always considered it. I, for one, can’t wait until the championship games.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
I’m cutting this NFL Divisional Playoffs 2021 preview a bit close. I think the first game this week starts in about an hour and a half. I should have this written and posted before then, so it will still count as a preview. Why is this so late? And, where is the CFP National Championship post mortem? What is happening to this page? Is it about to become inactive for a couple of months again?
Never say never, but I’m committed to keeping the momentum, even if it isn’t quite the same momentum as last year right now.
You expect me to say something about school now. While not completely wrong, the story is actually much simpler and less responsible. I started playing Minecraft again on my new laptop and that sucked many hours from my life over the last week. I apologize for my negligence. Let’s talk about the NFL Divisional Playoffs 2021.
NFC Divisional Playoffs
Rams/Packers (Saturday, 4:35 EST): I texted Chris earlier in the week with the question, “Any surprises this weekend? re: NFL” I will save his answer for later because it relates to another game. I responded that the Rams have a great defense this year and they could pull off a win against the Packers. He replied about Jared Goff’s injury and I conceded he was probably right. The Rams might keep the game close, but ultimately I think that Aaron Rodgers and his 89 (seriously) career interceptions find a way to pull out the win.
Bucs/Aints (Sunday, 6:40 EST): During our text exchange, we both agreed this game has the potential to be the most entertaining. Sure, N’Awlins beat up on the Bucs twice this year. But, and this argument isn’t much of an argument, Tom Brady in the playoffs. Also, we can’t forget the Aint’s recent tortured history in the playoffs. Sure, they usually wait until the conference championship to break their fans hearts. I have confidence they can take care of business a round early this year.
AFC Divisional Playoffs
Ravens/Bills (Saturday, 8:15 EST): If Bucs/Aints promises to be the most entertaining, this game might give them a run for their money. The Bills are favored by less than a field goal. Lamar Jackson finally doesn’t have to listen to the dumb narrative that he hasn’t won a playoff game. This whole week, they’ve instead gone with the equally dumb narrative that he’s never won a game in snow. Well, the snow in Buffalo can be brutal, but this storm looks to be mild. I’m rooting for the Bills, but a Rats/Chefs championship honestly sounds more fun.
Browns/Chefs (Sunday, 3:05 EST): Now, for Chris’s answer to my text. He responded with a joke about the Browns winning and him not able to text that with a straight face. I replied, “It’s funny because a lot of the talking heads are picking that game as a possible upset. I think they just did so because there’s literally nothing to lose. You either look like a “genius” or everyone forgets you made the pick. I’m not ready to pick against the Chefs until they give me reason and now that I’ve typed it, I’m jazzed about Rats/Chefs next round.
The Verdict
I said after the Wild Card that I wasn’t as excited about the games as I thought I might be. I barely watched any and tuned out from the Steelers after the first play of the game. However, something about this week’s games must have interested me. I searched for them earlier on Hulu before realizing the games started later today. Good thing they do. I got a chance to write this preview and get even more excited for the games. GB/TB and KC/Bal sound like a fun conference championship weekend.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
You may be surprised to see this NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2021 Post Mortem article. Where is the DC review from last week? I keep meaning to finish comics week for January 2021 by reviewing the DC books from this month. However, I keep getting distracted and not finishing the books. I hope to have them done by tomorrow and then I can do an post mortem article for the CFP National Championship Game on Thursday. Perhaps, I will do an article and video for Minecraft dungeons to finally get into some gaming content.
It’s been a while since Quinn and I have sat down to play.
I think I will structure this article as a Top 5 list. But, you might say, weren’t there six games this weekend? Yes, and I will give you 3 guesses (but you’ll only need one) as to which game didn’t crack the top 5. Here’s a hint. When Chris texted, “This is getting ugly”, I responded with ” I think I need to just swear off this team until they get good or, at least, fun.”
Call me a front runner all you want. I just can’t with this team anymore. The coach can’t properly motivate them. AB clowned him in the locker room a couple of years ago. Juju listened and stopped dancing. He then promptly gave the Browns bulletin board material. Ben Roethlisberger is a repeatedly alleged rapist. What, then, am I supposed to find appealing here? I suppose those were all much bigger hints than the first. Oh well, let’s dive into some NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2021 Post Mortem. Except, of course, for the Steelers/Browns game.
5 – Alas, poor Mitchell, I knew him well
I can be the first to admit that page favorite Mitch Trubisky does himself no favors. I don’t think he’s a bad quarterback. In fact, I often say that Josh Allen is Mitch Trubisky if he gets a good coach. Now, the question becomes, will that ever happen?
We got closer to it possibly happening. I saw a headline on NFL.com that said he might be gone from Chicago without a deep playoff run. Well, the Saints ended any of that talk by decimating the Bears this weekend. The funny thing is that Chris and I both texted during the first half about what a decent game it was.
Then, he texted, “They just came out after halftime and laid an egg.” I don’t remember his exact words, but they had that sentiment. I just wish for the best for our dear friend Mitch. I also hope that Tompa ends the Saints in the most heart breaking fashion next week. Cheering for Tom Brady two weeks in a row. What hath this year wrought?
4 – “Seattle is the most complete team in the league”
I texted these words to Chris earlier in the season. I tried to give it more merit by giving the actual week when it happened, but I honestly don’t remember. And, I’m not going to comb through our archives to find out. So, you will just have to take my word for it. After all, why would I lie about something so stupid?
Well, you also need to take my word that ever since I texted those words, Seattle fell back to earth. They barely resembled an NFL team some weeks, let alone the most complete team in the league. The Seahawks again went out of their way to prove me wrong this weekend. They lost to a Rams team with a former AAF (is that even what it was called?) guy and Jared Goff with a broken thumb as their quarterbacks.
I think, of all the games this weekend, this one both shocked and made me the most angry. Sure, I have more invested in the Steelers as a former life long fan. However, I fully expected them to blow that game. Other than their inconsistency this year, Seattle showed no indication of a potential let down.
3 – I think TB12’s got his steroids, er protein shakes
The Golden Boy didn’t light Football Team up for 5 TDs like I hoped. He threw for two in the first half. Washington came back in the second half to make it close. In general, that’s one thing you can count on in today’s National Football League. One team will almost certainly come back in the second half to make the game close.
I must admit. Looking at the box score, I have no idea how Washington even competed with Tampa in this game. I thought that the Seattle game was more shocking. Now that I see some of the names on the Washington roster, I reverse that decision. I lieu of further explanation, I present the following screen shot.
Seriously, has there ever been a roster that looked more like a “Football Team” from some generic 1980s or 1990s football video game?
2 – LJ defeats yet another of those dumb narratives
Nothing irritates me more about sports talk than the narrative, “(some guy) can’t win the big game. We are told over and over how sports are team dependent. Then, someone like Lebron James, Clayton Kershaw, and in the NFL more recently, LJ get the label of not being able to “win the big game”.
Granted, there are a lot of lazy narratives in sports journalism and “journalism”. We live in an era where talking heads scream at each other from across the table. Well, technically, since COVID, they scream at each other from across the room.
Any stupid opinion can be picked up by a bot on Twitter and turned into the latest “hot take”. Nevertheless, I contend that nothing needs to die more than this stupid idea of “(some guy) can’t win the big one.” Well, at least I don’t have to listen to it said about LJ anymore.
1 – Both the Bills and the Browns won this weekend
Earlier, I said I refused to talk about the Browns/Steelers game. I stand by that. I only mention them in the header so that I can make my stupid joke. Okay, now that I’ve properly telegraphed that, on with the show.
What is this, the 90s? Am I right, folks? Am I right? The 1990s? The time of aborted Woodstock festivals and the last time either of these two teams was relevant in any fashion. Okay, perhaps that joke wasn’t worth the set up. Or, maybe the set up was the joke the whole time.
I know. What can I say? I’m a master of alternative comedy.
All I’m saying is I like the Bills. I wish them only success against the Ravens next game. Then, if the Browns can somehow pull off the upset vs. the Chiefs, we can have a real old fashioned 1990s Super Bowl where they lose by 35 points. Too bad none of their old foes are still alive in the NFC to really drive the point home.
The Verdict
My verdict of the NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2021 post mortem is that it wasn’t nearly as entertaining as I hoped. Chris and I texted several times during this year about how glad we were that football was happening in spite of COVID. My interest started to wane about midseason and completely fell off when the Steelers lost their first game. I only wanted them to go 16-0 and lose in their first playoff game. That would have been much more satisfying for my schadenfreude than what actually happened. Oh well, the games for the next round look fun on paper, at least. Besides, what else am I going to do with my weekend?
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
Welcome to NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2021. I can’t remember if we did any previews last year for the NFL playoffs other than the Super Bowl. I suppose there is at least one way to figure that out. Okay, okay, if you’re going to pressure me into it. I will search the archives.
BRB…
Okay, in actuality, we were right on top of the entire playoffs last year. So, yay for us! Now, for the new readers, allow me to explain the title. If you’re old hat around here, skip the next couple of paragraphs and get to the good stuff.
A few years ago, I got the idea to rename Wild Card Weekend to Coin Flip Weekend. It has, by far, the most variance of any of the postseason games other than maybe the Super Bowl in the last 20 years or so. I found a quarter, named him George, and used him to predict the games. George actually did pretty well. If I bet on George’s pick, I’d have made money.
George led to another cockamamie idea of becoming the “Completely Ignorant” prognosticator to show how silly it was that there are so many talking heads shows. Clearly, that failed, as the number of those shows has increased exponentially. Oh well, I am tired of calling myself completely ignorant in a society that actually finds that to be a virtue. Let’s talk some NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2021.
NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2021: AFC
Colts/Bills (Saturday, 1:05 EST): Earlier in the year, I called Josh Allen, “Mitch Trubisky with a good coach”. I stand by that analysis. Allen improved every year, this year by leaps and bounds to lead the Bills to their first division title since the 1990s. I’m all in on the Bills. Hopefully they don’t eff it up against the Colts. Then again, Chris and I were texting and I said I’d have gladly traded either the Rats or Browns for the Colts. Ended up trading the dysfunctional Fins for them. While Phillip Rivers can use the extra money for his 17 kids, I hope the Bills roll.
Rats/Tuxedos (Sunday, 1:05 EST): As a supposed Steelers fan, I should hate the Ravens. I don’t. I love Lamar Jackson in spite of his fall back to earth this year. On the other hand, I hate the Titans and I don’t even have a valid reason why. If love is to prevail, I guess it needs to be LJ and the Ravens.
Browns/Steelers (Sunday, 8:15 EST): Again, as a supposed Steelers fan, I should hate the Browns. For most of my life, I have. Then, Baker came along and I kind of enjoyed their brand of inconsistency. This year, I think I’m just tired of incompetence. Speaking of incompetence, I asked earlier if 10-6 team ever fired their coach. Sure, the Steelers ended up 12-4, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. Time to flip that coin. Eff both these teams.
NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2021: NFC
Rams/Seahawks (Saturday, 4:45 EST): Once upon a time, I declared the Seahawks the most complete team in the league. The whammy (I swear that’s not what I intended) worked and they immediately began sucking out loud. The Rams can go to hell. Along with the Patriots, they delivered the most boring Super Bowl in my lifetime. Go Hawks.
Tompa/Football Team (Saturday, 8:15 EST): Dan Snyder is a dick. Screw his stupid football team and the stupid football team name. I should hate Tampa because The Golden Boy is down there. I don’t. As I’ve said before, it must have just been the unholy union of the Patriots and Brady that made me hate both entities. Also, Chase Young is a moron. I hope TB calls up his old steroids guy, er finds the fountain of youth down there in Florida, and drops an old fashioned 5 TDs on the barely concealed racist nickname.
Bears/Saints (Sunday, 4:45 EST): How the hell are the Bears in the playoffs? Who let them in? Jesus, this league is a joke. A 7-9 team is again hosting a playoff game and the Bears made it, too. Look, I’m sick as sick of Drew Brees as the next guy, but give them one more game and hope the Seahawks blow them out next week to keep that old voodoo curse alive.
The Verdict
The NFL is selling this as the Super Duper Mega Wild Card Weekend. They added one team, which admittedly gave us an extra game in each conference. That’ s a 50% increase. Is a 50% increase really all that super? I guess it depends on what you’re increasing. Am I right, Cialis? Ahem, back to football.
During one of our conversations, Chris and I both said that this year’s playoffs could have been interesting. While that’s true, they’re not as interesting as I’d like them to be. Especially this week with no Mahomes. Also, no real team to root strongly for other than the Bills, who I’m all in on this year. Even so, I’m sure I will tune in for at least half of the games and I’ll check the Steelers score for my yearly dose of schadenfreude. See you guys next week for the Divisional Round.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
