Over the weekend, I filled some time and virtual space with a quick article about the NFL championship weekend. I mainly wrote because I put a dime on the Ravens at the beginning of the playoffs at plus 140 to win the AFC Championship and wanted to see if my bet paid off. I should have known better. Used to be don’t bet against Tom Brady. Now, it’s definitely don’t bet against Patrick Mahomes. Chris reiterated this with his text after the game, “So this is how people felt about the Pats, eh?” No spoilers, but with the Lions loss, too, this 2024 NFL Conference Championships Celebration might feel a bit muted.
AFC Championship: Chefs Humiliate the Rats
I knew early that I needed to hedge that Ravens bet. They answered quickly to the first Chiefs touchdown, but they looked clearly outmatched in this game. At halftime, I texted Chris, “Looks like the Chefs were playing dead before the playoffs.” He agreed and I put in a parlay with the Chiefs and 49ers to win.
The thing is, I’m not unhappy because I can’t stand the Ravens otherwise. Additionally, I love Mahomes and Andy Reid started to grow on me with the State Farm commercials. Besides, Taylor Swift at the Super Bowl might just break parts of the internet. So, I am honestly happy with the outcome of the game.
I think that most of my malaise came from the participants in the game. Last week, I convinced myself that the NFL wrote the script for the Bills and Lions to finally break through and bring a first-time winner bowl. Alas, they teased me with the Lions and ripped the hearts out of Bills fans once again.
I texted the group chat, “Dear God, the curse of Buffalo continues.”
NFC Championship: How to Frame this Game?
I only checked the score every now and then, so I have no idea what actually happened in this game. Chris texted me early, “Detroit showed up to play” and I considered hedging my earlier parlay when I saw the 14-0 score. I figured I’d just let it ride for now because something told me that things might just turn around.
Sure enough, the 49ers came roaring back and led by 10 late. Detroit scored a late touchdown but didn’t get the onside kick for a chance at the game tying field goal. Whenever you have one of these games, you need to ask yourself, “What happened?” Detroit puckered in the big lights? San Francisco just enforced their championship pedigree?
I just read the ESPN article about the game and it looks like a little bit of both. Frisco won doing what they do best. Detroit lost because they failed to do what they do best. And, so, an easy narrative (so loved by our internet culture) is insufficient to explain the game. As Brock Purdy said, “That’s just football.”
The Verdict
I wrote about last year’s Super Bowl that Patriots fans are starting to become self aware about them and their team. With the recent Chiefs success, they were quite confused. I hate that team, but I kind of enjoy what they’re doing. I’m not there yet with the Chiefs, but I am experiencing some fatigue surrounding the team. And, so I apologize that this 2024 NFL Conference Championships Celebration is muted. Besides, as Dad always said, “Don’t bet on a game where the ball bounces funny.”
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
I wrote about my success Betting the Bowl 2023 yesterday. The cliffs notes version (I discussed this with a student the other day. Do they even do cliffs notes anymore? I know they also had Spark Notes, but I never hear about them either) reads as follows. Local math teacher bets 99 cents to win back 93 cents. Extrapolate that out to any meaningful amount of money and I paid off my mortgage this year. But, there’s more to the Super Bowl than just betting. So, I present our Super Bowl LVII Post Mortem.
Wait, what? More to the Super Bowl than betting? Of course. Food. Commercials. Halftime show. And, oh yea, they played a game, too. Naturally, the game ended with controversy. I heard someone say that if you want to say the NFL is rigged, just look at the fact that Super Bowls always stay competitive until the end of the game and often with a reason to discuss them for at least a week after they end. But, we focus on the positive here.
Food (Not as Fancy as Years Past, But Still Tasty)
Those who follow the page know that we often don’t watch the game around here. In my house, only I care about football. So, I made a deal a few years ago with my family. Now, we pick a movie or television show and watch a marathon. I make the traditional types of food associated with the Super Bowl. Usually, I make jalapeno poppers, twice baked potatoes, chicken and beef sliders, and marinated chicken tenders (I know people get mad when you call them “wings” because people just get mad these days).
Hell, I could make people really apoplectic by saying they’re made out of cauliflower.
This year, I actually received an invitation to watch the game. My father in law invited me over to watch. Usually, he watches with my brother in law, but either he was busy or didn’t care because the Patriots were nowhere to be found this year. As a result, my mother in law made pasta for us and I spread the apps around the remainder of last week.
Commercials (Serena Proves Memorable, Everyone Else Needs a Reminder)
First, ignore the perversity of watching an event strictly for the commercials. I promise to leave my communist agenda at the door if you promise to agree that a billion dollars is too much money for one person to possess. Okay? Okay. Now, about those commercials.
Honestly, thinking back on them, I remember exactly one. Well, I remember two, but the second makes me so furious that I want t o murder who ever came up with the idea. You’re curious, aren’t you? Give me a chance. Maybe I’ll tell you. Okay, just because I want it done and over with. The fucking Jesus commercials. You have multiple billions of dollars to spend and you spend it on two Super Bowl commercials? What about the actual mission of Jesus to feed and clothe the poor? Yeah, I thought so. Sorry for the curse word, but it makes me so mad.
Think POSITIVE!!!
The only other one I remember without looking it up involves Serena Williams giving the Any Given Sunday speech. To show how ineffective I find advertisements, I have no idea what they advertised. Simply that Serena Williams gave the speech. So, yea, billions well spent.
After looking them up, I also enjoyed the Ben Affleck Dunkin Donuts ad, mostly because I remember hearing about it when they filmed it. Seeing Jesse and Walt again brought back good memories. And, I danced a little bit with the couple on hold. Plus, one of my former colleagues posted that they used a local police department’s hold music. That made me smile. Other than that, I used the commercials as God intended, to use the bathroom. He definitely gets us.
Halftime Show (Is She? Am I Allowed to Ask that? Oh Wait, That’s Umbrella!)
Rhianna came out looking very pregnant. I refrained from asking the question because, ignorant of her situation, I wanted to remain respectful. So, I watched, and made a few comments in the group chat with Chris and Jason. My father in law finally broke the ice, so I looked it up. Rhianna performed the halftime show pregnant less than a year after giving birth. I don’t care who you are. That’s impressive. Except, remember how I said that people in this country get mad about everything. Yeah, a certain segment of the population in this country (or Russian bots pretending) got mad about it.
Dab on the haters. You go, girl!
My only complaint. She performed umbrella without Jay-Z. It made me even more upset when I saw that he attended the game. I understand that Jay-Z can do what he wants with his time, but can you imagine the reaction on Twitter? Oh well, I still enjoyed the show. Y’all should try not being such grumpy gusses.
Why I’m Mad the Chiefs Won
I came up with this half baked idea the other day when planning the article in my head. I think I wrote something along these lines when I wrote the preview article. I’m not mad the Chiefs won, but according to my social media, many of my friends and associates are. I wonder why.
5. Betting – I heard none of this talk from the people in my circle, but some of my podcasts talked about how the betting money went heavy in the favor of the Eagles. So, those who bet on the wrong side of the game got their narrative that the NFL fixed the game. Stay mad.
4. Mahomes – I love Mahomes. Granted, even I started to get sick of him a bit this year, so I suppose I sympathize with this line of thinking. Even so, watching him play football puts all of that out of my mind and I fall in love all over again. Stay mad.
3. Eagles Fans – Admittedly, I try not to associate with such lower life forms (I joke Iggs. I love all people), but I understand their pain here. My Steelers won way more Super Bowls than they lost (okay, I’ll stop piling on), but the ones they lost sting with that feeling of what might have been. Take solace in the fact that rarely do Super Bowl runners up ever make it back to the big game the next year and losing both coordinators makes it tougher. Okay, I’m done. But, seriously, stay mad.
2. Patriots Fans – Living in Massachusetts, I associate with many Patriots fans. I saw more than one piss and moan about how the Chiefs bled the last two minutes off the clock. I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to make the comment. Patriots fans during this Super Bowl: I hate what the Chiefs are doing, but I find it strangely familiar and attractive. Stay mad.\
In bill we trust, but Eff Andy Reid, right? Sports are so weird.
1. Refs – Two weeks in a row, the Chiefs benefited from dubious calls at the end of the game. Part of the reason I started to turn on Mahomes was the hit out of bounds against the Bungs. Then, I remembered if not for that, the Bungs maybe went to the Super Bowl. So, eff that. Maybe you think the end of the game sucked. But, a textbook hold and Mahomes threw the ball that way to make sure they caught it on tape. The ref got caught in damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. He’s human. He made a split second decision. Stay mad.
Why I’m Elated the Chiefs Won
Now, we finally come to the reason for writing my Super Bowl LVII post mortem. Hey, I’m a fan, not a professional journalist. I owe nothing in the way of journalistic integrity. I already said that I love Mahomes and hate the Iggs and Bungs. So, the fact that they made those fan bases even more miserable gives me great schadenfreude.
Aside from that, and not to lecture too much, but it’s only a damn game. Like I said to my father when he asked at the beginning for a prediction. First, I said, I usually can predict with some confidence. Not so this year. So, I went with, “Don’t bet against Mahomes.” Then I said, I can’t even really come up with a reason to hate either of these teams except that I’m from Pittsburgh and we hate Philly for some reason. I guess I’m maturing.
I troll, but I love ya, Philly
So, I went with joy. I love Mahomes. Andy Reid deserves a few championships for recognizing and utilizing Mahomes to his full potential. Travis Kelce is a ridiculous talent, too. Juju got run out of Pittsburgh, so good on him for finding a soft landing spot. They all won and good for them.
Five Big Plays
A million years ago, I ran a Pittsburgh Steelers fan page. It existed so early in the days of the internet that it ranked as the #2 or #3 (depending on the week) such page at the time. During the evolution of the page, I came up with the idea for a five big plays section in recaps. I think I used it once before on this page, but don’t remember. Well, if so, the triumphant return of five big plays in this Super Bowl LVII post mortem!
5. KC wins the toss and defers: Not an earth shattering strategy. Most teams now defer to the second half when given the option. But, when Philly went right down and scored, I got a bit nervous. Then, Mahomes matched. Okay, game on. The strategy nearly paid off, but the Chiefs borked the end of the first half before righting the ship at halftime and coming out gangbusters in the second half. That all started with the very first decision of the game.
4. Jalen Hurts Fumble: This changed the entire complexion of the game. But, perversely, not how you expect. A. Philly looked almost unstoppable and they proved it for the rest of the first half. B. The Chiefs defense showed they came to play a bit. C. It kept Mahomes off the field for a ridiculous amount of time. So, no momentum shift and it weirdly benefited Philly. Yet, they took no advantage from it and that showed up later in the game.
3. Pacheco Touchdown: As mentioned, KC deferred. They took the opening kickoff right at Philly and Philly showed no capacity to handle the halftime adjustments made by KC. You want to look for a reason that KC won, look no further. Good experienced coach punks good young coach. Simple formula, really.
Plus, because of the terrible field, he almost blew out his ACL celebrating.
2. The Reversed Fumble: People want to talk about the officiating, but strangely leave this call out of the conversation. If this call stands, I think KC rolls for the rest of the game. Sure, Philly showed some sparks of life in the second half, but I think this play negates any of that if not overturned.
1. The Hold: I may sound very condescending here. I apologize in advance. I understand why people might be upset about this call. Many people who watch the Super Bowl, even those who watch football regularly, can be easily swayed by public opinion. And, yes, I might even be persuaded to agree that the call maybe needed to be ignored. But, I also explained up above how. Put yourself in that ref’s shoes. Really, honestly, think about it. See? We’re all human. And, honestly, it’s very large men playing a child’s game.
The Verdict
I enjoyed Super Bowl LVII. And, I enjoyed writing this Super Bowl LVII post mortem. I missed watching movies or television shows with my family. Especially as the kids get older, you get less and less of a chance of that. But, and not to get too personal here, we got through a lot as a family the last few years and came out stronger. So, those opportunities will present themselves again. I hope you enjoyed this version of the Super Bowl LVII post mortem and see you next year.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
Surely, you anticipated more being written about the big game this year. We gave it such an impressive title, after all. To be perfectly honest, until I got an email from both Fanduel and DraftKings this morning about their sportsbooks being available in Massachusetts soon, I planned no such update. But things move fast around here, and now I’m Betting the Bowl 2023.
Neither of the books is actually live yet. They legalized sports gambling in Massachusetts on my birthday, but I assume that the books in the state got some sort of dispensation to operate before the internet books get their chance. So, as of now, these bets are still only theoretical.
Stupid Super Bowl LVII Prop Bets
As they often do, Simmons and Sal inspired me a bit in this article, too. I listened to them as I half listened to online PD at work today. They mentioned how when they started the podcast, prop bets were still a novelty and not many existed. Sal said that one book listed over 2000 this year. A Google search only gets me about a dozen.
Quite possibly the dumbest bet is the coin toss. You’re either paying 5 dollars to be right or you are paying 105 dollars to be wrong. Both are equally stupid in my opinion. But, I saw they also have odds on winning the coin toss and winning the game. For both teams, those offer plus odds and some intrigue to the proceedings. Then again, if you put money on the coin toss in any bet, perhaps you need to call one of those numbers they advertise on the sites.
They also allow you to bet the Gatorade color. At least that requires some thought. Supposedly blue leads the last few years, but that seems unlikely given the two teams playing. If the Chefs win, they probably repeat orange (+250) from their previous win. The Iggs went with yellow last time. With a +350, you also get green on this bet. I think the best bet you can make every year is the over on the anthem. People always mug the anthem at the Super Bowl.
I expected this section to be longer. But, without access to an actual book, I encountered difficulty finding some of the wackier bets.
Single Dollar Picks
I also stole this idea directly from Simmons. But, while he makes million dollar picks, I thought it might be funny to have single dollar picks. I want to take a dollar, split it up among actual bets I might make before the game. Then, with a single penny, I want to try to put together a parlay that will pay over 100 dollars if it hits. This is how I’m Betting the Bowl 2023.
Most Sure Bet (but the ball bounces funny in this game): 0.25 to win 0.93. If the Chefs win, Mahomes wins MVP, so why not tack on the extra plus money. It just makes sense.
Most Sure Bet (even if the ball bounces funny): 0.25 to win 1.75. I call this one the “take out a second mortgage” bet. Kelce to score first.
Run It Back (who is the MVP if not the QB?): 0.05 to win 0.17. If the Iggs win (and anything is possible when Andy Reid Andy Reids it up) I’m not positive that Hurts is the MVP. But rarely does anyone but the QB win. More on that later.
I Got Nothing (who is the Iggs MVP?): 0.10 to win 36.08. I have no confidence in Hurts as the MVP. The Iggs could easily win with him having Roethisbergian numbers circa Super Bow XL. So, I went completely bonkers with this bet and wrote in Josh Sweat as MVP.
Throw Me a Frickin’ Bone! (I’m the regular season MVP!): 0.10 to win 0.80. Hurts, on the other hand, has good odds to be the first TD scorer.
Living on the edge (They converted one with Chad frigging Henne): 0.10 to win 0.08. -130 that over 1.5 4th down conversions are made. I think the Chefs hit that number before halftime and the odds reflect that.
Sevens Heaven (Unless they miss an extra point): 0.14 to win 0.13. Both teams score at least one touchdown in the first half. I needed something to throw the last 14 cents until I get to my penny bet.
Perplexing Penny Parlay
I thought of this idea as ridiculous. However, once I got going and putting in numbers, it actually became pretty easy to come up with a plausible parlay that pays out over 100 on a single penny bet. Here goes.
Chefs win (+105)
Mahomes MVP (+130)
Kelce First TD (+700)
Either team gets a 2 point conversion (+245)
Both teams score 30+ (+900)
Game goes into overtime (+929)
A single penny pays out 133.90 if this hits.
The Verdict
In all honesty, all of these bets are strictly fictional. I started keeping a spreadsheet with my bets starting with 1000 dollars. I fluctuated during the playoffs and came out ahead 6000 dollars during the Super Bowl. But, I’ll let you in on a secret from last year. Most of my bets from that Super Bowl came during the game and I lost a lot of them. Then, I cleaned up with a Rams win/Kupp MVP parlay. And, so Betting the Bowl 2023 exists only in fantasy right now.
Finally, we arrived at the 2022 NFl Conference Championships. This last week felt like it took forever. I covered that already in my last post. I want to use this one to celebrat two posts in two days. The only problem is that, unless I write much faster than my usual pace, this post will go live after at least the Chiefs/Bungs start. All I can do is promise that (even though I have fake money on the games), I will keep from watching the games if I intend to make predictions.
Generally, I don’t make predictions, though. It’s a bit of a miracle that I put even fake money on the games. Dad always said don’t bet on a game where the ball bounces funny. But, I suppose I’ve been listening to too much Simmons and especially Sal and they influenced me. But, I made 2000 fake dollars last week, so maybe I fly to Vegas for the Super Bowl.
2022 NFL Conference Championships (The Mahomes Scale)
A few years ago, I put together a Mahomes scale. I think either it was a modification of the Brady scale or the Brady scale was a modification of the Mahomes scale. In either case, whenever we get to the conference Championships, I rank each matchup by how excited I am to watch them. Obviously, you want more Mahomes (and, by extension less Brady) because he’s quite possibly the most exciting player in the league right now.
Author’s Note: The Chiefs automatically rank as 7 Mahomes. After last week, the Bills get 5 as well. So, a perfect rank on the Mahomes scale is 12 now instead of 10. If Josh Allen improves anymore, we might have to adjust the scale accordingly.
I would watch the f**k out of this
Super Bowl LVI: Cincinnati/San Francisco (0 Mahomes)
I can’t think of a more boring game that this one. Sure, Joe Burrow can be exciting, but the 49ers defense would most likely smother the Cincy offense. I see this one being 13-9 or something along those lines and Bosa becoming only the second defensive player to win MVP. Hold on, let me check those odds. Okay, I’m back. Put 10 bucks to win over 4000 just for giggles. Also, I’m worried because several have made the point that the first Cincy/SF Super Bowl was Madden’s first and he just died. The NFL loves that sentimental bullshit.
Super Bowl LVI: Cincinnati/Los Angeles Rams (3 Mahomes)
If you told me two years ago that Matt Stafford would rank 3 on the Mahomes scale, I’d have either (a) figured that 90% of the league folded or (b) found a way to put a futures bet in for the Lions to win the Super Bowl this year. Maybe both. But, and I reserve the right to change my mind at any point about this, I like Rams Matt Stafford. He’s certainly come a long way from being the butt of my “he’s still in the league” jokes from a few years ago. That’s for sure.
Super Bowl LVI: Kansas City/San Francisco (7 Mahomes)
Okay, now we’re talking. We get Mahomes. We get a rematch from 2 Super Bowls ago. The Frisco defense might be able to keep Mahomes in check, but he always finds a way. Dr. Ian Malcolm warned us. Now we live with the consequences. At least they are mostly positive consequences, like his ultimate “Forgot About Dre” game last week.
Super Bowl LVI: Kansas City/Los Angeles Rams (10 Mahomes)
Aside from the dream match up of watching Mahomes and Allen go at it for 7 games (heck, I’d even settle for 5) and a grand total of 84 (or 60) Mahomes, this is the next best thing. Of the two quarterbacks left in the NFC, the only one I see hanging with Mahomes is Stafford. If the football gods are listening, please make this happen.
The Verdict
The only matchup I hate and never want to see is Cincinnati/San Francisco. Though, I will say, if that parlay hits, I win 2000 fake collars. So, that along with being one of the only games where I cheer for the Bengals almost makes it worth maybe 1 Mahomes in retrospect I’ll take that into consideration and maybe adjust accordingly.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
Welcome to our NFL Divisional Round 2022 reaction post. It’s been a while before since we did one of these. I intended to write this post earlier in the week. I should just name this page “I intended to…” since that’s how most posts begin lately Then, I spend some time explaining why I never wrote the post. It almost always boils down to being busy at school. So, if you’ve heard it all before, feel free to skip to the actual post.
This week grades closed. I needed to grade, try to inspire kids to get caught up, and still advance my lessons. In addition, I promised to go see a boy’s basketball game, a girl’s basketball game (I missed this one because of car difficulties), a girl’s hockey game, a UMass hockey game, and a boy’s hockey game (it got cancelled because of the snow today). As my Facebook memory said, “Being a teacher who gives a shit is exhausting.”
But, I finally get to give my thoughts on the games from last weekend. I apologize in advance because I can’t describe these games without cursing. Let this be your only warning.
Liberal use of the “F” word coming up.
Fucking Aaron Rodgers/Fucking Jimmy G
As one of my students put it, Jimmy G is the luckiest quarterback in the league. As several of the hosts on the podcast I listen to put it, Jimmy G is the most mediocre quarterback since Eli Manning to be this close to going to a second Super Bowl. As I put it in a text to Chris, I guess Jimmy G has part of Brady’s golden horseshoe shoved up his ass. Whatever the case, it’s dumb that I am going to have to mention his name tomorrow in my preview post.
What can I cay about Aaron Rodgers? Keep it simple, Stupid. I replied to a friend from Chicago on Instagram. “Aaron Rodgers is a bum.” Seriously, I fell for the narrative about him being better than Brady, but stuck on less talented teams. He fell far this year, not only on the field, but as a person, too. His goofy gold old boy image melted into that of an out of touch boomer.
Fucking Joe Burrow
It made no difference to me who won this game. I said several times over the week that Bills/Chiefs looked like the AFC Championship. So, I defaulted to rooting against the Titans simply because Matt Tannehill (stupid joke between me and Chris) insults football fans by being a starting quarterback. I hate him almost as much as Jimmy G. I regret that a bit now because the Bungles are one miracle game away from infesting the Super Bowl. C’mon Chiefs.
Cooper Fucking Kupp
We now move to the positive. You can tell it’s now positive because I moved the expletive to the middle. That’s my way to show respect instead of derision. It’s also the first of three texts I sent to Chris throughout the day on Sunday. It followed, “I don’t want to say this too loud, but it looks like no Super Bowl for Brady this year” and “Holy shit, Brady still has part of that golden horseshoe after all.” Author’s Note: I just got news that Brady retired. As I wrote on Instagram, I had fun hating you for 22 years. Enjoy retirement, old man.
Josh FUCKING ALLEN!!!
As you guessed, the second of three texts sent to Chris on Sunday. What an end to that game. Allen secures himself as a top notch quarterback and gets one up on Mahomes. Better luck next year, Patrick. It’s just the Bills year. What’s this? There’s 13 seconds left? I watched the live odds on Fanduel all game and right about now, I saw the Chiefs at +188. I heard they got to 16 to 1, but I never saw that. Honestly, if I did, I’d have figured out a way to put my mortgage on the line at those odds. As weird as it sounds, I knew Mahomes would pull out the win. 13 seconds is too much time.
Patrick Fucking Mahomes
And, just like that, we get more of this game. Really, just more of the Chiefs. Honestly, just more of Mahomes. So high off the end of this game, I text to Chris, “Cincy won’t stay within 3 TDs of KC.” He agrees. Luckily, the students bring me back down to earth on Monday. “They beat KC a couple weeks ago.” Good point.
Also, people both complaining about the overtime rules and telling Buffalo to just stop someone. I see the argument about defense being part of the game and I wanted to see more of that, too. However, if they used college rules, as I (yes, again) texted Chris, “…they’d still be playing.” My original man crush is back and fucking Joe Burrow better not fuck this up for me.
The Verdict
Some said the NFL Divisional Round 2022 was the best weekend of playoff football, maybe ever. I hate when we fall into recency bias like that. I also hate nostalgia bias. What I will say is that Chiefs/Bills game was the most fun I had watching football in a long time. I posted the following picture on my Instagram and I meant it.
I would watch the fuck out of this.
Instead we get the possibility that the Bungs bungle their way in and the 49ers carry Jimmy G’s corpse into the Super Bowl. If that happens, it just follows the crappy narratives of the last two years. But, it has to change eventually, right? Maybe LA and KC are just what we need to exorcise all of these demons. As the NFL Divisional Round 2022 showed us, faith is sometimes rewarded.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
It has been nearly two months since you heard anything from us here at 2 Generations Gaming. That begs a couple of questions. Why were we gone for so long? Why are we back now? So, before I give you our 2021 AFC Preview, let me answer those questions for you as best I can.
Why were we gone for so long? I’m nothing, if not honest. Therefore, I will give you the honest answer here. The truth of the matter is that we here at the page had an honest to goodness identity crisis. Chris and I planned, twice, to record another episode in an attempt to get the podcast rolling again and both times, we failed. I take full responsibility for this failure.
One time I simply forgot. The other, it ended up being Father’s Day.
Why are we back now? As a result of that, we came to a tentative agreement to consider the web page dead. I lapsed on the payments until they sent the email telling me that they shut it off. I considered calling it then. Truth be told, I probably should. This page has had almost no reach and I honestly have no clue how to find my way in this new online environment.
I realize that none of that explains why we are back now. It actually explains better why we would consider never returning. I suppose the only viable answer to the question is that I’m both stubborn and hopelessly optimistic. As Marc Maron derisively said once on his show, “Without any gatekeepers, anyone thinks they can do this.” So, let’s keep this delusion going for a little while longer, at least.
AFC East
Buffalo Bills (13-3, 1st place in 2020): I enjoy when Buffalo is good. Most of it is because I grew up in Erie, Pennsylvania and Buffalo was one of our “home” teams. Cleveland was the other. Curiously, Pittsburgh, in the same state as Erie, was only shown when the other teams were blacked out. NFL TV rules are sometimes weird.
Miami Dolphins (10-6, 2nd place in 2020): Regular readers of the page (all half a dozen of you) know that I have a major man crush on Tua Tagovailoa. Immediately after he threw the touchdown in the National Championship game, I texted my friend Craig to tell him Iwas in love. Last year was a mixed bag for my man. Hoping he turns it around this year.
New England Patriots (7-9, 3rd place in 2020): Chris, the other names participant on this page, is a Patriots fan. I grew up a Steelers fan, but consider myself more of a nomad these days. Nevertheless, we text about the Patriots and Steelers on the regular. Surprisingly,the news of Cam’s release only elicited a single text and reply. Then again, maybe not all that surprising.
New York Jets (2-14, 4th place in 2020): I freely admit my shrtcomings on this page regularly. One of those is that I will periodically forget that teams exist. As I ran through the 4 teams in the East, Ihad to look up the fourth team, the Jets. I know precisely nothing about the team this year.
AFC West
Denver Broncos (5-11, 4th place in 2020): I should have done some research before writing this preview. In my defense, Simmons and Sal haven’t done their week 1 “Guess the Line” show, if they are still doing it. I haven’t been able to find anything online about it. Hope it’s still happening. They get me through the Friday afternoon commute.
Kansas City Chiefs(14-2, 1st place in 2020): Mahomes was my first man crush of this new crop of young QBs and looked to be the guy to retire Old Man Brady. Alas, injuries to his offensive line and Tompa selling out to win last year derailed that storyline for the moment. But, I still love my man and forever will.
Las Vegas Raiders (8-8, 2nd place in 2020): So, I watched the The Hangover Trilogy again a few weeks ago. Then, on my shuttle to the Logan to fly to Pennsylvania to visit family, two ladies were excited about their trip to Vegas. I imagine both are infinitely more entertaining than anything the Raiders will do this year.
San Die…er, Los Angeles Chargers (7-9, 3rd place in 2020): They will forever be the San Diego Chargers to me. Aside from that fun fact, I’m all in on Justin Hebert, but it’s not a man crush. I’ll drop him like a bad habit if he can’t stay in form this year.
AFC North
Baltimore Ravens (11-5, 2nd place in 2020): I mentioned earlier that I used to be a Steelers fan. On some level, I always will be. However, I also consider myself a bit of a free agent. Given autonomy over my fandom, I might actually like the Ravens and Browns more than the Steelers. Talk about an about face.
Cincinatti Bengals (4-11-1, 4th place in 2020): Even though I like Joe Burrows and want him to succeed, I will not root for the Bengals. Fuck them guys.
Cleveland Browns (11-5, 3rd place in 2020): The Browns, on the other hand. Love them Browns. I’ve loved Baker ever since college. The talking heads shit on him for being too much of a college student after they shit on Tim Tebow for not being enough of one. Hoping the North comes down to a race between the new and old Browns.
Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4, 1st place in 2020): My grandfather (and possibly my father) is rolling over in his grave after my comments about the Ravens and Browns. I don’t want to break their hearts even further, so I will leave it at that.
AFC South
Houston Texans (4-12, 3rd place in 2020): For a few years there, everyone was enamoured with JJ Watt and picked the Texans to win the AFC. And, every year, they finished under .500. Thankfully, that trend seems to have passed.
Indianapolis Colts (11-5, 2nd place in 2020): If you asked me to give you the Indianapolis Colts record to save someone I love from a Jigsaw style trap, they’d be the one dead before the opening credits.
Jacksonville Jaguars (1-15, 4th place in 2020): They have a new stud quarterback. They have the new hotness as head coach. They had a new running back. Well, they still do, but he’s on the injured list for the year, so he’s not going to contribute much. The past few years I advocated for sending the Jags permanently to Europe to start expansion into that continent. They can stay this year.
Tennessee Titans (11-5, 1st place in 2020): I liked the Titans as the Bills nemesis in the playoffs last year and look forward to that rivalry blossoming into the future. Aside from that, I don’t have much to say about them.
The Verdict
Thanks for reading my 2021 AFC Preview. I expect more of the same out of the conference. KC will toy with everyone and maybe flirt with an undefeated season. The AFC South will disappoint me and I’ll be talking about shipping them all overseas by midseason. One thing that will be a surprise is that I might actually root for the Patriots this year. I want Mac Jones to be successful and that’s been enough in the past for me to bury the hatchet and start rooting for a team. Join me soon for the NFC!
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
No other title in the history of this web page matches as well as Super Bowl LV Post Mortem. Hell, I needed almost a week to mourn the loss. Thank you for your patience during this radio silence. I promise next week will be back to normal. I plan on finally finishing the comics from this month and either playing D&D with the family or doing the new MTG set review.
RIP in pepperonis my excitement about the National Football League.
Well, Tom Brady won….again. He looked flawless…again. In all honesty, I fully expected the Bucs to win. As I texted Chris when I heard the news, “Paranoia is setting in. The entire Chefs offensive line is backups.” He replied with a story from WEEI that said half of the team might have COVID after getting hair cuts. That turned out to be untrue. Nevertheless, Tom Brady and his deal with the devil endures.
And, still, this outcome dilutes my anticipation of next season. Sure, you could make the argument that I should be anticipating the revenge and redemption story of Patrick Mahomes. Sorry, I’m just not that kind of fan. I watch football at this stage in my life because I find it fun and I find no joy in Tom Brady curb stomping Mudville out of existence. In the interest of getting back into the habit of posting, let’s do this Super Bowl LV Post Mortem.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Instead of wallowing in the swamp that is my indifference towards what others call greatness (Look, I admit, he’s great. It’s also boring.), I will focus on the positive. An impossible task? As a great man once said, “You underestimate my power.”
Granted, that didn’t work out so well for him. Perhaps I should choose my allegiances more carefully.
If we go back to my preview article about the Bucs, I listed two people that I’d be happy for if they won. Granted, I did write that article on a high that Kansas City was going to thoroughly eviscerate Tampa Bay. Now that I have to face the reality, do I still feel the same?
Sure, I picked Gronkenstein mostly as a lark. But, I admit that I actually feel good for the old lunk. I can’t explain my sudden change of heart that doesn’t extend to The Golden Boy. Oh well, best to not analyze it. Just wallow in my hatred. Avoidance is a healthy way to deal with our problems. Speaking of avoidance…
I’m extremely happy for Bruce Arians. Again, I say, the Steelers made the wrong decision in picking Ben over him. This extremely limited data point proves me right on that point. Congratulations to Mr. Arians. He deserves this and if any coach could get me to feel even slightly good about a Mahomes loss.
Kansas City Chiefs
And, so, we congratulate the Buccaneers on winning the Super Bowl. It’s just too bad that they had to win because the other team forfeited the game. Avoidance and denial. Two healthy coping mechanisms for sure. Though, to be honest, a forfeit comes close to the truth. I will say one thing about the Chiefs. Bill Maher made the point by saying, “Somehow this team is still called the Chiefs. Washington doesn’t even have a name. They’re literally just ‘Team’, but these guys get to keep Chiefs for some reason.” I guess love for Patrick Mahomes blinds me to the blatant racism of this team name.
The Verdict
Growing up, the Super Bowl always sucked. Most of the time, the NFC won in convincing fashion. Tom Brady changed all of that. Nearly every game he played in was exciting and decided by a field goal or less. For a while, I enjoyed that change of pace. Little did I know that I’d be enjoying that change of pace for over 2 decades. Time for some new blood. Hopefully this is a one time thing and I can find a reason to look forward to next season.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
After yesterday’s awkward attempt to find good things about Tom Brady winning another Super Bowl, I present our preview of Super Bowl LV: Kansas City. Unlike a few years ago, I have an actual rooting interest in this game. To be perfectly honest, it might be quicker to list the reasons I don’t want Kansas City to win this game.
Because there are this many…
So, in the interest of finishing this article before the game starts, I will keep it under five. Just off the top of my head, I have three, so once I get writing, to stay consistent with yesterday’s article, I will stick to those three. Let’s explore, then, my top three reasons we love Super Bowl LV: Kansas City.
Travis Kelce
I never concerned myself much with Kelce. Occasionally, I picked him for my daily fantasy lineup. Usually, I won money in those instances. I guess that says something about the dehumanizing nature of professional sports. Maybe I just don’t have the time to keep track of my family, students, and also over 1600 NFL players. Hell, I barely even know all of the players on the Steelers and they’re supposedly my favorite team.
Editor’s Note: I stopped writing about here. Then, I went for a snow shoe with my wife. After, I cooked lunch and dinner while watching our Super (Heroes, not Bowl) marathon. And, so, it is that I’m finishing this article after the fact. I have to admit. It’s a bit depressing all things considered.
Andy Reid
I gave Andy Reid a ton of crap in the past. And, with good reason. The guy never met a clock management situation that he didn’t screw up. Then, something happened. That something isn’t just Patrick Mahomes. Granted, getting Patrick Mahomes helped greatly.
But, Reid just sort of started going for it. He ignored the tendencies that were holding him back and blew the lid off of the NFL. The league is a copycat league and so many coaches are now going for it on fourth down. Sure, you might argue this stems from Belichick and in some ways, I agree with that assessment. But, it’s taken a giant teddy bear like Andy Reid and his genius offensive coordinator, Eric Bieniemy, to make the moves more mainstream. There’s only one person I will feel more happy for than Andy Reid if the Chiefs win this game.
Patrick Mahomes
He already captured the league’s imagination and adoration. He won both a regular season and a Super Bowl MVP. And, he’s only 25 years old. A second consecutive championship cements him as one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game.
Did I mention that he’s only 25 years old? I may hold back my love and enjoyment of watching Josh Allen or Tua play. That has never been the case with Patrick Mahomes. He just makes football fun again for me. That’s been sorely missing for the last 15 years or so. The Chiefs truly can represent a seismic shift in the way football is played. Their 25 year old starting quarterback is at the helm of all that.
The Verdict
Apologies that I didn’t get this Super Bowl LV: Kansas City preview out before the game. I wanted so badly to finish it and meet that deadline. Instead, I have to waltz in with my tail between my legs confident in the fact that I was completely wrong about this game. Well, not completely wrong. I did text Chris a few days ago that my paranoia ran rampant at the news that Kansas City’s entire offensive line was backups. Like I just texted him, “Football is so unforgiving because it is only one game.” Oh well, Mahomes is 25 and hopefully this loss gives him some inspiration to come out and kick butt next year.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
What do we love about Super Bowl LV: Tampa Bay? Not really anything. No offense to them. What do we hate about Tampa Bay? As that represents the original title of the article, surely I can give you several reasons why. Well, about that. I simply named the article that originally to be in contrast with the “We love” article tomorrow about the Chiefs. However, my headline analyzer, even though it talks about strong emotion words, clearly values positive emotion over negative.
Sorry, Buddy.
What makes me indifferent about Tampa Bay? That’s a far less interesting proposition. However, to be true to myself, I must explore that. I mean, I did spend two or three paragraphs trying to convince my readers that I don’t hate Tom Brady. You may argue that I wasn’t persuasive in my argument and I might agree with that. However, I promise you. I don’t hate Tom Brady nearly as much as I did when he played for the Patriots. Something about that unholy union of player and team rubbed me the wrong way.
And, so, I will take inspiration from the fact that my headline analyzer pushed me to focus on the positive. If I search my feelings, can I find legitimate reasons to be happy if the Bucs win this Super Bowl? Join me then for We Love Super Bowl LV: Tampa Bay.
Bruce Arians
Bruce Arians coached the Steelers offense once upon a time. I texted Chris, “Arians is the last time the Steelers had a viable offense that I trusted.” He and Ben never saw eye to eye, which means that Ben, for some reason, didn’t like Arians or his offense. For some reason, the Steelers hitched their wagon to Ben and so Arians went packing.
All he did was reinvigorate the Arizona Cardinals and then landed in Tampa Bay and dumbed into coaching Tom Brady. Ben and the Steelers started off a suspect 11-0 before falling completely apart and lost two straight games to the Cleveland Browns. I think we can all agree the Steelers made the wrong decision between the two.
Plus, the man can dress.
Gronkenstein
Being the only member of the Patriots that received a cute nickname from me, Gronk holds a special place in my heart. By all rights, I should hate him as much as I hated most of the other players on the team, if not more. For reasons I can’t explain, I actually love the lunk.
I texted Chris that he would return next year. Chris wondered why. I responded, “What else will he do? Sell his name to shady CBD companies?” “Good point,” Chris replied. The guy has the personality to be an announcer. However, I don’t see anyone actually hiring him. Maybe he could fill the Moose Johnson role for some network.
Anything Else?
Honestly, nope. I should be excited to witness the history of Tom Brady winning 7 out of 10 Super Bowls. I mentioned in a previous article that “been there, done that” prevents me from experiencing that particular sense of joy.
Leonard Fournette can take a hike. He dissed my man Blake Bortles when he said earlier in the season that it would feel good to finally play with a decent quarterback. Likewise, Antonio Brown’s and Ndamukong Suh’s histories both preclude me from feeling anything but contempt.
The Verdict
We most certainly do not love Super Bowl LV: Tampa Bay. Sure, I’ll be happy for Gronk and Arians. I’m not sure that those feelings of joy will outweigh the great sadness I feel for Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs. As you know, I don’t even watch the Super Bowl anymore. Because I am the only football fan, bout a decade or so ago, we came up with the idea to watch a movie marathon instead of the game. This year, we decided to watch Super Hero movies, so I may not even tune into the Gamecast. In any case, join me tomorrow for my Chiefs preview.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
Sorry that I’m a day late on this NFL Conference Championships 2021 post mortem article. I was busy simulating for my epic 70 year run of Super Bowl LV: As It Should Have Been. Actually, I don’t own the teams for this year yet to be able to simulate the games yet. They won’t be released for another couple of months at the earliest.
In all honesty, I’ve just been slacking lately.
But, I bring you my take on the fallout from the games this past weekend. Spoiler alert: I liked one outcome. However, I hated the other in every way possible. Instead of dwelling on the games themselves, which we all watched, allow me to reflect on how the results may have affected each team. I realize that may be unorthodox.
What are we if not unorthodox around here. I just try to find those forgotten or lost topics to write about. With so much content out there, especially in sports, that can be difficult. Nevertheless, 6 years of a web page that reaches about a dozen people at a time proves that I do not give up easily. Join me, now, for the NFL Conference Championships 2021 post mortem.
Green Bay Packers – Wither Aaron Rodgers?
Not my terrible photoshop, but I happened to be in my Simpsons crapposting group on Facebook and this one popped up.
Poor Aaron Rodgers. I mentioned in the previous two articles that he has thrown less than 100 interceptions in his career. This season, he again made a compelling case as the MVP. And yet, in the aftermath of this weekend’s game, the less imaginative members of sports media saddled him with the “can’t win the big one” label.
Yes, the Packers lost the game with him. Yes, that makes them 1-4 in conference championships with him as their. Forget for a minute that wins and losses are not a quarterback stat. Football is the ultimate team game until a quarterback has an unfavorable record. Then, all of a sudden, he’s a choker and “can’t win the big one”. So stupid.
Tampa Bay got Tom Brady and then basically sold their future for now. They got Leonard Fournette, a good receiving corp and offensive line, Bruce Arians as coach, and one of the best defenses. Kansas City reloaded after Hunt went to Cleveland. Hell, even Buffalo got Stephon Diggs to help Josh Allen. Aaron Rodgers has the other Aaron, a receiving corp that drops ball after ball, and a suspect defense made even more so by a cornerback whose kink is apparently getting beat like a drum every other play.
Chris accused me of “Brady hate” during our text exchange during the game. More on that later. The whole game, I just kept thinking how much this sucks for Rodgers. I hope he gets another chance to drag this corpse of a team up the mountain and shut everyone up. Oh, I forgot to mention earlier. You’re the coach of a team down 8 with about 2 minutes to go. What do you do? Oh, you’re kicking a field goal. Surely, you have the trickiest onside kick planned, right? Right? RIGHT?!
Buffalo Bills – Young Coaches Got Schooled
Bills fans are adorably naive.
I quietly rode the Josh Allen bandwagon last year. He looked to be improving. However, I didn’t want to come out as a full Josh Allen fan. I’ve been burned before. Remember Kordell Stewart? I bought too many shares of that stock just before it tanked. The jury on Tua in the NFL is still out, but his college career is enough for me to hang my hat on. Therefore, unless your name is Patrick F. Mahomes, I reserve the right to be, uh, reserved in my adoration.
Even though I wanted to watch this game more than any other game so far this season, I didn’t. I tuned in to the Gamecast and saw KC was up 21-9. Texted Chris, “Well, at least something is going according to plan.” He agreed. I “watched” the Gamecast for a bit more and went to bed confident in the Chefs’ victory.
So, not having seen the game, I can’t comment with 100% accuracy. I will, instead, report from one of the various articles I’ve read in the past week. It looked to me like the two losing teams simply got outcoached. Yes, I realize that seems hypocritical when I just said the team wins and loses and that it can’t be blamed on one person. Nevertheless, the coach (especially in the NFL) has much of the power and decision making capacity.
Think of it like a game of Magic the Gathering (what’s this, gaming content?). Now, granted, football players are more than simply pieces of cardboard. But, stick with me for this possibly overwrought metaphor. The decisions that you make (right or wrong) add up over the game and one costly mistake can lose you the game. The point is the Bills will be back and I’m fully on the Josh Allen bandwagon now.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Oh, God, Not This Again
Yes, much of what I’ve said about Tom Brady should not be published on a fan friendly web page. Allow me to explain.
I already said that Chris accused me of Brady hate. He said this in response to my preview article where I said that I don’t hate Brady as a football player or a person. I assure you, all of that is true. Then again, by simply needing to assure you, I may have already exposed my guilt. So, what’s the deal? Do I or do I not hate Tom Brady?
I don’t hate Tom Brady the person. Yes, he is a consummate con man that peddles questionable medical and lifestyle advice. Basically, he’s Gwenyth Paltrow for sports dudes. But, he seems to actually believe the crap he says, so it’s not like he is Trump level con man. I also don’t hate Tom Brady the football player. He does what a quarterback is supposed to do and he does it very well.
I do hate, still, that he receives a bulk of the credit, especially for this game. He threw 3 TDs, that much is true. He also threw three interceptions and, in the second half, looked like Eli Manning. As mentioned, his defense bailed him out. It also helped that Green Bay’s coach isn’t very good at probability and statistics.
I read one article that credited the defense, which gives me some faith that bad actors in sports media are being ushered out the door. These guys are professional writer and speakers and the best they can come up with is “Tom Brady Good/Aaron Rodgers Chokes”. It infuriates me to no end. I even said to Chris this week, why do we pay for sports media content? Eff the sports media.
Kansas City Chiefs – Start Chad Henne?
I’m sorry, Patrick. Please forgive me.
In the closing seconds of the Green Bay/Tampa Bay game, I might have texted Chris, “I might consider starting Henne in this game to give Mahomes more time to rest and recuperate.” He texted about turf toe in an attempt to trigger my paranoia, so I responded in kind.
I forgot that the NFL has access to a wide variety of pain killing medication (surprisingly, even though it’s been decriminalized and legalized, that doesn’t include cannabis) that they can mix into cocktails to get a guy ready to take his 3 hours of abuse on the field. So, it most likely is that Mahomes was out there and tossing 3 TDs against a Bills defense that looked good earlier in the year and the week before, but wilted against decent to good offenses.
A couple of days ago, I went back and read my article previewing the Eagles/Patriots Super Bowl. I must cheer against Tom Brady. I cultivated my entire football fan identity around that key idea. And, so, as a former Pittsburgh native, I swallowed my pride and cheered for the Eagles. I took no joy in this.
This year, I can both root against Tom Brady and for Patrick Mahomes. I do this fully aware that the NFL loves a “riding off into the sunset” story and will push that above all else. Knowing that my heart might be ripped in two adds to the excitement. I take solace in the fact that Chris and I both agree that Tampa, unless their defense plays out of their minds, doesn’t have a chance in this game. Oh crap. That gives me no solace at all.
The Verdict
I enjoyed this past weekend. I did tune out of the Packers/Bucs game for the second and third quarters because I thought the Bucs might run away with the game. Chris got me back in by updating me on Brady’s three picks each time they happened. I then sat in stunned silence at the field goal call before texting Chris that I’m not a football coach but I did not understand it at all. You already know that I didn’t watch the Chiefs/Bills game, but the Chiefs won, so that’s all gravy. Thanks for reading my NFL Conference Championships 2021 Post Mortem and see you in a few days for the Super Bowl Preview.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
