Tag: Healing

Posted on

I want to know what love is

Prologue

Again, I know that I used this prompt last year when I got the idea to update this daily. Again, I remembered this prompt then. I can’t remember what I wrote to answer what love is then, but now I’m going to simply copy and paste from my Father’s Day Instagram post last year. It more or less covers everything I want to say.

The Prompt

The Prompt: We each have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?

Father’s Day: My Father

https://www.eriegaynews.com/news/article.php?recordid=200401donpaulobituary.html

I usually make a crude joke at today’s expense, but I guess I’m feeling sentimental or nostalgic today, so if you actually read these, this one may be a bumpy ride.

Father’s Day means something different when your father has passed away. It is still a celebration but within that celebration is that constant ache in that piece of your heart that has been empty since they passed.

It has been over 17 years since my father passed away on December 1 from “complications due to the AIDS virus”. Makes it sound so neat and clean. Trust me, it wasn’t. I wasn’t there at the very end, but he got us all together the Thanksgiving weekend before to say good bye. He looked like hell frozen over and we all knew his intentions but, of course, nobody said them out loud.

Christine was tasked with calling me at work to let me know he has died. Either shock or an idiotic commitment to a place that didn’t share that commitment to me causes me to worry how they might cover a week of shifts if I went back home for the service and to reminisce/heal. Also, my boss at that place was a real ass.

But, I didn’t come here for that purpose. I was talking with a friend earlier and the topic of father’s came up. More recently, his became sick. But, at the time, he wasn’t. I can’t remember why we ended up talking about Dad. But, my response, simple and direct as ever, was, ” I miss the old bastard. Every single day.” Especially this day. I love you, Dad. I miss you. Happy father’s day.

Father’s Day: My Kids

Father’s Day also means something different when you are a father. I’ve already shared these pictures, but I’m not much of a pictures of my kids guy and Aiden hates having his taken, so you get the same pictures and none of Aiden by himself.

I also talked about them at great length in my anniversary thread. Having kids, for those who don’t know, obviously changes every aspect of your life and, honestly, not always for the better. But, as humans tend to ignore the negative over time and accentuate the positive, overall it has been a wonderful experience.

Some of our friends, families, and associates are in the early to middle stages of parenthood and it has been a joy sharing my own experiences as advice with them. It also has been a reminder that, while I always said I wasn’t going to miss it, I always do at least a little. I guess that gives me a reason to live long enough to become a grandfather.

So, I guess, uh, happy father’s day to me.

Father’s Day: School Kids

Father’s day has a different meaning when you teach. You entrust your kids to us for over 7 hours a day 180 days a year. We take that trust seriously and when we talk about them, we can’t help but call them our kids. We don’t always like them all, but we still love them.

I have been blessed to be on both sides of this mentoring relationship. In college, my physics professor Yadu, earned my undying loyalty by professing his love for swearing in our first class. He went on to earn my love by being one of the best mentors and teachers ever. I best sum him up by saying that I was waiting for him to show up to office hours. He walked into his office and proudly proclaimed to a colleague, “I just taught 50 minutes of physics without talking about physics once.” I went to him to ask for a book as his “textbook” for the class was a workbook without accompanying text. “You want a textbook? Here, here are some books” and he proceeded to throw books from his book shelf at me. I got that lesson, and many others, Yadu. Love you and miss you.

Jon, Tom, and Ileana all conspired to get me my first college teaching job at a time I thought myself unemployable in the field. Maria helped me build my confidence to fight for the job and Paula reminds me daily that, with some adjustments, my way really can work I have much to share about them, too, but tragically not enough space right now.

So, it is in their honor and memory that I love and care about every one of my kids in hopefully the way that they need. I mean, as my mom is quick to remind me, the letters and cards serve as proof that I’m doing something right. Just today, I have had 2 former students wish me a happy father’s day. Just know, kids, that I watch your posts with great pride and joy as you share your lives. Even if we haven’t talked, I still watch your present and future success with great interest. I cherish the time we had/have together.

Much love. Mr. Lucas.

The Epilogue

I think that says it all. Talk to you all tomorrow.

Posted on

Success

Prologue

Today, I write about success. I must admit that when it comes to my career, I don’t have much experience with success. I (only partly) joked recently that many of my teaching jobs came with a three year expiration date. At the risk of spoiling the journal entry, I fought that expiration date this time and actually won.

By won, I mean that I received a contract for a fourth year. This happened in spite of earlier pushback from administration and not (again) getting my license to teach. But, more on all of that later. I also started this blog as an attempt to “share the natural beauty of our world”. Granted, much of that beauty exists only in the states of Massachusetts and New Hampsire (sometimes Vermont and Rhode Island, rarely Maine, and almost never outside of New England), but as I’ve often parroted from my younger brother (paraphrased), “If you want to travel, why aren’t you travelling? Why wait to win the lottery? There’s plenty to see in your metaphorical backyard if you just know where to look.

The Adventure (Thursday 31 March 2022 Part 1)

In my last post (in which I promised to write more and then promptly ignored for another month plus), I promised more frequent updates. The only time I ever kept that promise was when I used the daily prompts last year. And, so, at around the same time, I attempt to daily blog. I thought I mentioned low level drug dealers in that post. Perhaps, I saved it for the preview blurb.

I went back to an area I hiked before in the snow. I never found the geocache in that area and I wanted to see if it was because of the snow. That often happens and you will notice a familiar refrain with recent updates. I parked in the parking area and started down the trail. A man suddenly appeared, as if he materialized out of thin air (he actually just walked out from behind the outhouse, but I sometimes have a flair for the dramatic), and stood there. I saw him talking on his phone, so paid him no mind.

I continued down the path. He seemed to follow me, but sometimes paranoia gets the better of me, so I paid no attention. As I searched the area, pretending to take pictures (my common cover for muggles while caching), he circled around to the other side of the trail. I decided to take a walk down the rest of the trail to the water to see if he might just leave. I took the two pictures at the bottom of the gallery, spent some time just looking at the water and then went back to find the cache.

When I got back to the cache location, he was nowhere to be found. Good, I thought, he’s gone. I can search in peace. Then, similar to the beginning of this adventure, he appeared out of nowhere at the top of the hill where I searched. Okay, now this is weird. Is this guy going to kill me? I learned later from a student that a murder actually happened in that area, so that’s fun.

I went back to pretending to take pictures as he walked down the path. What is he doing? Trying to get my scent to make it easier to hunt me? Whatever, time to find this cache. Nope, wrong again. He’s back Okay, this is definitely where I get murdered.

The Adventure (Thursday, 31 March 2022 Part 2)

“Pretty area.” He said. He’s attempting to get me to drop my guard to make it easier to murder me.

“It is very pretty.” I replied.

“Is the pond ice out?”

“Yes, there’s a little bit on the shore over there, but other than that, I didn’t see any. I came down here a couple of weeks ago when there was still snow and it was all ice.”

He nodded. Then awkward silence for a few minutes. “Are you a cop?”

Okay, do I say yes because we are in rural New Hampshire and “Blue Lives Matter”? Or, do I tell the truth and see where this takes me? “No.”

“Oh,” he stammers. Then, “I just saw you on your phone.”

“Just taking pictures.” I show him my lanyard with ID. “I’m a teacher and I work at the local school over there.”

More awkward silence. Then, in a halting voice, as if he’s not sure he even wants to ask, “Are you, uh, are you looking for, uh, are you looking for something?” I don’t remember the exact words, but he definitely implied that he carried drugs and wanted to sell them to someone, hopefully me.

I chuckled. After thinking he wanted to murder me, offering me drugs was a relief. “No, man, I’m good. Thanks.”

“Oh, uh, my mistake.” He still stammered and stumbled over his words. Then he ran off back to his car and left. Finally alone, I quickly found the geocache and went on to find a couple of others nearby. Never a dull moment in my life.

The Prompt: Success

The Prompt: Tell us about a time where everything you’d hoped would happen actually did.

If you kept current with my adventures this year, you may be surprised that I use this year as a measure of success. When I wrote someone to say, “I’m officially employed by Conant next year”, they replied, “Wasn’t it you who put forth you wouldn’t?” Well, yes, but as I explained, I never thought I’d make it past that three year expiration date for much of the year. It looked bleak.

Then, something changed. Actually, many things changed. Those things led to me getting offered a job working in STEM instead of exlusively math and ultimately, I made it beyond the expiration date. If I finish my licensure for next year, I have many more options open to me. I can stay where I am. Or, I can jump ship and come back across the border to make 15 to 20 thousand more in Massachachusetts.

To me, that’s the epitome of success. I now have full (or hopefully will after this year) agency over my career and will have actual options open to me. Every other time, my options were slim to none and I just took what life gave me. I never considered money as a marker to success and I always (well, mostly) feel sucessful as a father and a husband, so that’s all that remained. *knock wood* Now is a good time to be me.

Epilogue

I only made it through one day of adventures in this post. That’s okay. The next week is limited in scope. I spent much of it sick and had little to no energy to do anything besides lying down on the couch. So, I will be back and current before you know it. Until tomorrow!

Posted on

Recent Highlights – An update on 2 April 2022

Prologue

I tried rebooting the pages again last week. That, as evidenced by nother week of radio silcence, failed. So I find myself, on 2 April 2022, attemping once again to make myself relevant through my writing. Well, aside from the fact that I often fall back on writing as my hobby to destress, I heard a podcast recently. “Wow!” You may think, “The guy who listens to podcasts during every commute heard a podcast! Stop the presses!”

Okay, okay, I get it. Perhaps that introduction leaves something to be desired. Let me explain further. The episode in question came courtesy of Planet Money. They told the story of a man who started a web page about soap operas without knowing a single thing about soap operas. He hired a freelancer to write for him and sold ad space with Google. By the time he sold the page for about 3/4 of a million dollars, it made over 40,000 dollars a month in ad revenue.

The epitome of success for an entire generation.

Hear me out. I’m not saying that my weekly ramblings are worth 40,000 dollars a month. However, I don’t think that I’m out of line to say that it might be worth more than the *checks spreadsheet* absolutely nothing in income that I currently make. So, time to research how to make that happen. In the meantime, enjoy the still (economically) worthless content. How long will it take to actually get caught up to 2 April 2022.

Monday, 21 March 2022
Tuesday, 22 March 2022
Wednesday, 23 March 2022

Monday 21 March 2022 and Tuesday 22 March 2022

I saw the names of the geocaches on the map and they made me chuckle; Sasquatch, Unicorn, and Cockapoo. I admit that they took longer than expected to find, but I still made it home with plenty of time to spare for dinner. Then, on Tuesday, I ended up on the other side of the Birch Hills Wildlife Management Area (WMA). That might not mean anything to you, but the geocaching web page offered a souvenir for hiding a geocache during the year. I tried to hide one earlier in the year, but the people who ran the conservation area denied me permission to do so.

While researching other areas to hide geocaches, I found that Massachusetts gives implied permission to all WMAs. I used that to my advantage a couple of weeks ago and found some nooks in the BHWMA to hide two geocaches. They approved them and I got my souvenir.

There’s the souvenir!

Wednesday 23 March 2022

We administered PSAT and SAT tests on Wednesday. They gave us the afternoon to prep and grade. I actually took advantage of the time and caught up on nearly everything. Then, after school, I went to find some geocaches at Dennison Lake. Originally, I thought I might find one set of caches, including some multi-caches (a type I haven’t found in quite a long time), but I ended up going the other way. Along that path, I found a letterbox hybrid cache. Letterboxing is a precursor (I think) to geocaching in which you are given a location and then clues from that location to find the treasure.

This one made me walk something like 75 steps, turn right, and the letterbox will be there. Apparently my strides were too long because I overshot the area by a good 25 feet. I circled back, though, and found the letterbox. You’re supposed to take a stamp and leave a stamp, but I don’t have stamps. I probably should get a stamp because I recently accidentally found another letterbox by accident. In both cases, I left a sketch of Garfield.

Thursday 24 March 2022

A student said to me in response to the pictures, “Was the school day really awesome?” I replied, “Goodness no.” “Oh, that makes sense,” he said, “because I didn’t think it was anything special.” “Yeah,” I finished, “the place I hiked was amazing.” “Oh yeah,” he said to a peer,’you found a crypt and a lake the color of Baja Blast.” In addition to that, I hiked down and then up and then up and then down. I found two caches that went hidden for over a year. In the biz, we call that a resurrection. I often write it as “rezz” in my logs because I’m cool like that.

Honestly, I can’t explain it any better than that. The hike down took me to an amazing river. Then, I searched for a good 45 minutes before finding it. My log read, “I poked and prodded with my hiking stick. *squish* *squish* over and over for 45 minutes *squish* *squish* *thud*. Wait, was that a thud? *thud* Definitely a thud.” Then, the other log (after another half an hour of searching), “This is the reason that I love this hobby.”

Friday 25 March 2022 and Sunday 27 March 2022

On Friday, I returned to the scene of a crime, as it were. When I went to that trail system a couple of weeks ago, I parked in a spot that poved inconvenient for another person. She called me an a-hole and I told her to eff off. Ah, the unspoken camraderie of fellow hikers. This time, I hiked for a short period of time to get home for dinner and trivia night. We won.

Then, on Sunday, I took Quinn to the YMCA to sign up for and practice for little league. While there, I noticed a cache was activated again. They only activate it for the spring, summer, and fall because they hid it in their front yard and they don’t want the liability of someone falling on the ice. I took Quinn over and he looked for it while I looked up if we were actually in the right spot. We were and he reported, “I just found a birdhouse.” Bingo.

Saturday, 26 March 2022

I went back over to Poplar Mountain on Saturday. I saw six other caches over there that I missed missed during my visit with Christine and Lilo. Two of them were on top of the moutain and they didn’t want to climb a mountain that day. I already made them climb part of it unkowingly, so I didn’t push it. Well, I wanted those caches, so I returned.

I found not only the caches, but wonderful vistas of all around our area. I also grabbed the other caches and dropped off some themed “swag” into a like minded pirate geocache. Somehow, I spent 6 hours out that day without realizing it. I said to more than one person, “I just lose track of time out there.” While not on the same level as Thursday, I enjoyed myself and wish all hikes can be like this one.

Epilogue

And, so I find myself on 2 April 2022 writing about two weeks ago. I want to find a way to share my adventures with others and give them the same thrill that I get from exploring right in our back yard. I always see the posts, “If I ever got rich, I’d just travel.” I want to show people that you don’t have to be rich. There are hidden treasures all around just waiting to be discovered. For now, join me tomorrow and hopepfully not weeks from 2 April 2022.

Posted on

Caching Christmas – Find Number 350

Prologue

I said in my last entry that I would try to find 350 caches before Christmas. I planned on finding two of them near the Birch Hill Dam. This plan met with some resistance. First, the caches were on either side of the river and we couldn’t cross the damn to get there. Second, well you will just have to wait for the second because it is basically the story of the day for Christmas Eve. Plus, it sets up for my caching Christmas story.

That, folks, is called foreshadowing. And yes, it and this ghost of an apple tree and that statement are meant to be foreboding, too.

I received a souvenir from going out on Christmas Eve. Quinn only received cold toes. Lilo, too, because she stepped on some thin ice and her front paw fell into the water. As Meatloaf said, 2 outta 3 ain’t bad. In this case, though, it most certainly was bad. Hopefully caching Christmas Eve doesn’t bring a pox on our family.

A cool new concept on Geocaching that doesn’t necessarily add anything to the hobby other than giving virtual things to collect, too.

December 24, 2021 (Day Number 111, A DNF)

Quinn chose to come with me today. We also brought the dog. A ten minute drive got us to the parking area of Birch Hill Dam about 3/4 of a mile away. I know what you’re thinking. Trust me, I thought it at first, too. However, this walk took us along a paved service road, so no chance of it increasing 3 or 4 fold like the one in Shutesbury. It took a little longer than expected because we stopped a couple of times, once for a cool ice sheet and another for a waterfall.

Cool Ice Wall with Water Behind at Birch Hill Damn
Quinn noticed the icicles in the back first.

We made it to ground zero of the geocache near the dam. If I didn’t wander across the rock wall to the actual dam, I’d have thought the name of the cache, “Water, water everwhere” was sarcastic or a joke. As evidenced by the videos, we found plenty of water on the walk, but none at the actual cache area. Unfortunately, as you probably deduced, no cache either. We tried twice with no success. I admit. Terribly unexciting and anticlimactic.

Driven by the streak, I found another cache across the river. Actually, I found it earlier as a backup and realized it was across the river when I wandered earlier in an attempt to grab it quickly after the other one fizzled. Driven by the streak, I loaded us back in the car and drove across the river. Technically, we drove over a bridge, but you get the idea. After parking, I geared up and leashed the dog. Cue the slow motion preparation montage.

December 24, 2021 (Day Number 111, Find Number 349)

We started walking. As soon as we passed the gate, I promptly slipped on a patch of snow covered ice. Aren’t you glad I cued the slow motion? Wasn’t that so much funnier in slow motion? I benefited from the slip though, when I realized that I left the bag in the car. Handing the leash off to Quinn, I slowly and painfully walked back to the car, retrieved the bag, and went carefully back to the gate. This slow motion brought to you by actual old age, not perceived coolness. Again, the hike went mostly smoothly. I need to spice these things up with more action or maybe intrigue.

You want action? Check out this tiny bridge.

Imagine if you will, Quinn, Bups, and I standing on the shore of this mighty body of water with only that single beam to cross. We give each other a knowing look. One of us may not make it to the other side alive. We have a duty to ourselves, our country, and all of you to find and extract that cache. Quinn performed his duty, crossing the bridge without hesitation. Lilo sized up the thundering river, coiled her back legs like springs and lept across the chasm with ease. I took a deep breath and then one step onto the beam. Another deep breath. Another step. Two more and then…my foot slipped! I lost my balance. Quinn reached out for me. Lilo barked and looked around for a stick in case I fell in. I saw my life flash before my eyes.

Just kidding. We all made it across without incident and continued down the path to the hiding spot. Quinn started to complain that his toes were getting cold. I doubled my efforts and checked some of the logs to see if the coordinates were solid. Turns out they weren’t, so I expanded my search. Finally found it, grabbed it, and dropped off a couple of trackables since it was a “hotel” and there weren’t any in there. When we returned to the car, I advised Quinn to take off his shoes and socks to help warm them.

If you’ve ever wondered what a cache looks like and what the heck is a “trackable”.

December 25 (Caching Christmas – NMAIN NSAL, Day Number 112, Find Number 350)

You may remember from my previous post that I wanted to find #350 before Christmas. That’s part of the reason I had two caches in the queue yesterday. Since I didn’t, that made the find on Christmas extra special. First, as usual, some background.

I bought a Jackbox bundle through Humble Bundle a few months ago. Aiden said he enjoyed playing the games. Anything to get time with your teenagers. Well, my laptop charging port went haywire and I have yet to get it fixed. So, I bought the most recent game on our XBox and we played it Christmas Eve. We enjoyed it so much, we wanted to play with the extended family. But, we forgot the XBox. Oh no!

Dad, as usual, to the rescue. I offered to get the XBox. And, caching Christmas?! I thought I found all of the caches near my in laws. Turned out I messed up a setting somehow and more appeared when I did my search. NMAIN NSAL was less than 5 miles away and a park and grab. Perfect. Cache found. XBox retrieved. Night saved?

Not so fast. The controller I picked didn’t work and we weren’t able to play Jackbox with the whole group. Bummer. But, the rest of the holiday has gone well in spite of the fact that I’ve spent the last two days searching and applying for new jobs. Oh well, can’t win em all.

Epilogue

As with many of our adventures, the first adventure has been the more adventurous. However, I’m personally excited about Christmas Day. Geocaching doesn’t recognize the 50s as official milestones, but after not being in the hobby for so long, I’m taking all the wins I can. Caching Christmas got me to 350 and that’s good enough for me. Yesterday I found another puzzle cache in the Harvard Forest among gunshots and threatening clouds. Today, I want to check out a place in Athol after dropping Liam off for work. Not sure when I’ll get around to documenting them, but stay tuned.

Posted on

Rocking Stones: Day Number 110

Prologue

Today’s visit to Rocking Stones served once again as therapy. Even though I wrote less than two weeks ago this time, much happened in that short of a time. First, I’m seriously considering a new job. I got my observation report from that observation mentioned in that article. It was not great. In fact, it is looking more and more like it is the beginning of the end. It mentioned reminding me of my “role and responsibilities as a teacher”. I don’t think I need to tell you that is both demoralizing and dehumanizing. But, I just did.

And, so caused quite the stir by posting this on social media. Several colleagues reached out and I thank them for that. As I said to several of them, they are one of the only reasons that I continue to fight for the stupid job. I thought this might be my actual chance at redemption. That failed and now I’m done. Past time to move on..

How did I go from “guess I’m in this for the long haul” to “past time to move on” so quickly? Well, as Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop to look around every once in a while, you could miss it.” Let me slow things down and tell you about my adventures in Shutesbury and then Rocking Stones.

Wednesday’s Cache: MA NET 14.2 (Day Number 109, Cache Number 346)

I planned this one the night before. As I scrolled through the map on the Geocaching web page, I saw this one hadn’t been found for over a year. While this should put me off, geocachers take pride in “resurrection” caches. Plus, I planned a back up in case it went missing in the year plus. Eventually I ended up on another of our patented undermaintained dirt roads that is evntually going to destroy the undercarriage of my tiny Honda Fit.

Not this time, though. So, I parked in a muddy area and hoped that I would be able to pull back out when done. Okay, it’s a 3/4 mile hike. Doing a quick calculation in my head, “At an average pace, it takes a human about 15 minutes to walk a mile. So, this should take about that.” A few things. (a) It is 3/4 mile as the crow flies. (b) While hiking, I thought, “Oh boy, the return trip is going to be a bear. It’s all uphill on the way back.” So, the terrain isn’t at all flat.

I tried uploading a video to show some peaceful rain drops, but it didn’t work so it’s a lame sign.

As a result, my 15 minutes tops hike turned into more like a half an hour to 45 minutes. That’s still not bad, but the scenery at this time of year was very brown. To add insulto to injury, I found almost no running water other than a small stream. As many of you know, I seek running water. I never knew why that was until a few weeks ago hiking with my wife. We found a large waterfall while hiking a place called Bear’s Den in New Salem. Funny enough, it is different from the place called Bear’s Den in Athol.

Small stream found at the beginning of the hike.

Why, though, running water? What I discovered at New Salem Bear’s Den is that running water calms my thoughts. It slows down my brain and lets me live in the moment. Life according to Ferris Bueller and all. “Wait, what’s this? Is that running water I hear in the distance? Double time it, soldier!”

Bridge ahead. Oh, talk about a troubled bridge over running water. Well, here goes nothing.

Finding this cache was one of my most daring (?) adventures in a while. It made me think of when I was a kid and me and my friend Rusty played “Pluto Explorers” near the frozen creek behind my house. We both ended up soaked, but clearly that’s now a core memory for me. I wonder what ever happened to Rusty.

In any case, these caches are usually hanging from a tree. Looks like it is that tree near the shore. Wait, is it? No. Hmm, they wouldn’t hide it over *pause for effect, realization hits* there. Crap. Yep, there it is. Watch the video for the rest of the story.

The rest of the story. Oh, and I did get my boot wet on the return trip, so I sort of lied.

Yesterday’s Cache: Rocking Stones x2 (Day Number 110, Cache Number 347 and 348)

Geocaching introduces me to new places nearly every single day. Granted, I live in rural New England, an area steeped in history and hidden gems in nature. I found this hidden gem, again, while scrolling the Geocaching map on my phone. Bonus! It’s an Earthcache in the Rocking Stones Area in Barre. I think I explained Earthcaches before, but here’s a quick reminder. An Earthcache leads the geocacher to a, for lack of a better term, hidden gem in nature and asks them to perform a sequence of tasks related to the geology of the area. Bonus! There’s a traditional cache up here, too. Two found in a day for the first time in a while. This one actually required me to do some measurement and math. How could I say no?

The obligatory selfie to get credit. The rock formation in question. The hiding spot for the other cache.

Admittedly, today’s adventure was less adventurous than yesterday. However, I measured that bottom rock with a 6 inch ruler and my finger as a spacer to get the area. I arrived at 28.875, because of course I did, and an estimate of height of the overall formation at 10-12 feet. The person who listed the cache came back to say the “actual” answers were 27 and 11 feet. Not bad for a half foot ruler.

Epilogue

I meant to post this yesterday, but got distracted by the new Spider-Man movie and then finishing up the Hawkeye series. So, it goes up on Christmas Eve. I have my adventure for today planned. I want to find two more today to get up to 350 before Christmas as a goal I just made up for myself. They are part of series of dam caches, so running water guaranteed. No idea how to celebrate Christmas yet as a geocacher, but stay tuned for that.

Posted on

Fill In The Blank

Prologue

The Prompt: Fill in the Blank – Three men walk into a bar…

They all say “ouch”. Honestly, you think the second and especially the third guy would see what happened and avoid the collision. Must be that they aren’t all that bright or dexterous. But, seriously folks, how about that weather? I know that spring often takes her time here in New England, but this is ridiculous. I took two classes outside one yesterday and one today. Both days they complained about the cold.

This may or may not be a selfie from one of those outside classes.

It seemed like it got warmer today as the day went on. I never tested that theory by taking any other classes outside. Sorry, guys. To be honest, I never considered going outside again. I forgot to mention that both of my work computers broke over the last week. So, I couldn’t cast anything during class. Also, I cancelled my remote class again. No laptop means no camera means no class. So, I spent most of the day obsessing about the fact that I had no technology in a time when technology is essential in the classroom.

The Set Up

The Prompt: Fill in the Blank – Three men walk into a bar…

I refuse to finish this joke that usually masquerades as a bigoted comment against race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. Okay, Snowflake, you’re so smart and funny. Why don’t you reclaim the joke then? Sure, I could rewrite the joke so that it contains none of that, but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. Besides, I’m not that good of a joke writer. If anyone else wants to try, be my guest.

Note: I got distracted yesterday. I think I mentioned that some students found out that I wrote the two books. Well, I let it slip during class one day. They found the novel online and started reading it. Since I’m more proud of the short stories than the novel, I brought in my proof copy for them to read. The student that I allowed to read the stories first came to me yesterday to tell me how much she enjoyed the first story. Consequently, I wanted to read them again to see if they held up. And, so, I never finished this entry last night.

Sorry about that. There’s bound to be growing pains. And you know once summer hits, I’ll be updating on a daily basis. So, just wait a few weeks and this page will become a vibrant and valuable member of the 2 Guys Gaming network. If only I could say the same about that main page.

The Adventure

As you see, I took a break from visiting bodies of water around the Jaffrey/Rindge area and instead chose to hike a trail. I pass this one during my commute, though, so I’m still only exploring more or less familiar haunts. Give me time. I went to watch a couple of innings of the softball and baseball games at a nearby school and I saw some other possible adventures in the neighboring towns. As always, stay tuned.

This particular stretch of hike only took about 45 minutes total there and back. I passed the Market Basket in town and also saw some signs leading to restaurants and gas stations. The local snow mobile association helps to maintain the trails, so that makes sense. Also, I thought the trail wasn’t particularly scenic. More utilitarian. Even so, I enjoyed the time outside and want to explore the trail further when I have time. As we say, stay tuned.

The Journal

Fill in the Blank: Three men walk into a bar…

After another day, I’m no closer to coming up with a punchline for this other than the sarcastic one and, some would say, the “cancel culture” one. But, honestly, screw off if you seriously stopped reading after that comment. I don’t need you in my life. Didn’t Jay-Z teach you anything? Always punch up. Especially in comedy. That’s why all of these conservative “comedy” shows always fail. They’re constantly punching down.

With all of that being said, I can laugh at myself. One of my students cultivated an image around an ultra conservative. I’m not sure how accurate it is or if it is just mostly for the LULz, but I treat it like the latter. This student mimicked the sticker on Woody Guthrie’s guitar, but his reads, “This machine kills socialists.” Another student, perhaps aware of my socialist bent, tried to save me, but I got a laugh out of it. Sure, it’s derivative. Of course, it’s offensive. It’s also funny as hell in context. Maybe I should pick this student’s brain for a new punchline.

Epilogue

Well, the kids discovered that I’m posting on Instagram again. I’m not sure if it translates to them coming to the page yet. If so, they’ll pretty easily be able to figure out who I’m referring to in each of my posts. I hope they understand that it’s all in good fun and I mean everything as a compliment and not an insult. Even so, I also understand that not everyone is comfortable being referred to online. So, if you find anything here that offends, let me know and I’ll be sure to change it.

But first, I need you to fill in the blank…Three guys walk into a bar

Posted on

I Want to Know What Love Is

Prologue

“I Want to Know What Love Is…I Want You to Show Me…” –Foreigner

Yesterday, I waxed (pun totally intended) poetic about trying to evolve the definition of the word candle. Once again, my journal prompt page gave me a ridiculous assignment that I more or less punted. I’m happy to report that today’s prompt is much more straight forward and easy to complete. They want me to tell you what love is.

If it has to be stuck in my head, it has to be stuck in your head

Yesterday, I stopped and scouted one of the bodies of water that I pass during my morning and afternoon commute to work. Having looked it up, I now know that it is, in fact, neither a pond nor a lake, but a reservoir. I learned that when I looked up public access for another of the bodies of water that I pass (I mistakenly said that I only see two, but there are at least three, which is why I didn’t say the “other” body of water.

The Adventure

This is, in fact, a pond. Looking it up on the map, it is called Pool Pond. As it is a pond instead of a reservoir, it is more developed and I saw no public access from 202. Thanks to the NH Fish and Game, I found the rooftop/boat access off of Mountain Road there. When I pulled up, a truck with a fishing boat was there. I thought about asking the guy if he was entering or exiting, but I chickened out and got in his way to take my pictures because he was entering the lake. Sorry, random guy. I hope you catch all the fish.

Today’s adventure rivals even yesterday’s for being not much of one. Hell, yesterday I found and hiked a bit of a trail along the shoreline. I saw no such trail today other than the road, so I just wandered around the boat access for 5 or 10 minutes to take my pictures. I still haven’t put my tackle box in the car, so no fishing even. However, like the reservoir yesterday, I plan to come back with my kayak and explore further. Stay tuned.

The Prompt

Prompt: We each have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?

I said that after the difficulty of the previous few posts, this one will be easy. Five or so years ago, I wouldn’t have said that. That’s not to say I wasn’t surrounded by love then. I had my wife and three kids, my in laws (including a niece who would only calm in my arms some days), my mother and two brothers, my extended family like my cousins, aunt, and grandmother. My aunt and grandmother since passed away. Not sure why I wrote that last part. Damn stream of consciousness.

The Back Story

I–uh–I lost the thread for a little bit there. I worked two and sometimes three jobs, culminating with the two years before I started at my current job. Taught at HCC and then went to Northfield Elementary School and Pearl Rhodes Elementary School to work as a custodian. I woke up and left after everyone left for school and got home after 11:30 most nights. Before that, I tossed around boxes at UPS for a Christmas season. That saw me wake up at 4:30 every morning. I got home at a more reasonable time most days, but was so tired that I often crashed on the couch for several hours in the afternoon/early evening.

It ground me down to an exposed bundle of nerves and caused tension in every aspect of life. I might still be there if not for a few happenings. First, I got laid off from the custodial job. That one hurt. I very much enjoyed that job. 8 hours of listening to audiobooks and not having to interact with people? Where has this job been all my life? Okay, not bad. I still have HCC. Yeah, about that.

I lost a class. As an adjunct professor, I got paid based on the number of credits I taught. And, so, I lost income there, too. Things happen for a reason people, you win this one. I applied at several schools, got three interviews, three call backs, and decided on a school. Why? As I’ve always put it, they offered the most money.

The Journal

That move back to high school after about a decade since my less than illustrious exit from the previous high school I worked at gave me time to reflect on a great many things. I realized that I am highly empathic. I feel things on a grand scale. Good, bad (especially bad, which is dangerous and can present as a spiral of depression), but never indifferent.

I know how that sounds. And, yes, I used to use that as an excuse. However, in my reflection, I have instead used it as a strength again. This time I come into it fully aware that it might blow up in my face. Any time I joke about not showing up or leaving work, a colleague says, “You’re basically saying that you will never teach again.” “Yep.” I reply. I think it unnerves him that I’m so nonchalant and certain about it.

Okay, so what does this all have to do with love? Well, at the beginning of the school year, a student tragically died. I only knew him for a month, but he made a bit of an impression on me. For the rest of the year, I told every one of my classes how much I loved them. A bit awkward for a math teacher to say? Perhaps, but like I said. I feel deeply. And, I do genuinely care about them.

Epilogue

I think I have more to say about what love is. At the very least, I feel like I’m only getting started on the topic. However, it’s creeping up on 9pm and I have some graduation cards to write for my seniors. As much as I’ve said it’s going to be a long 6 weeks, I know in 5 I’m going to be looking forlornly at them and wishing for a few more. So, for now, let’s leave it at that and I’ll see you all tomorrow.

Posted on

Morphing Candle ?

Prologue

Mighty Morphing Power Rangers? Forgive me for my dated reference. However, one might argue that Power Rangers are timeless. Honestly, though, the only reason I used them was I couldn’t think of another morphing reference. Butterflies? I suppose. I feel like they are even more trite than Power Rangers. It’s the literary equivalent of getting a Chinese symbol that doesn’t translate to what you think.

I think these are literally the characters for “chicken” “noodle” and “soup” from my rudimentary research.

What are we actually morphing? Prompt: Language evolves. The meaning of a word can shift over time as we use it differently — think of “cool,” “heavy,” or even “literally.” Today, give a word an evolutionary push: give a common word a new meaning, explain it to us, and
use it in the title of your post.

This makes me two things. One, the morphing of “literally” makes me angry. We already have a word for what literally morphed into. I suppose, now that I think about it, that it’s kind of cool that we created a contranym out of literally. Still, I’m going to stay mad about it. The other thing is, “Stop trying to make fetch happen.” But, this is the prompt, so let’s try to make “fetch” happen.

The Adventure

The featured image depicts one of the lakes/ponds that I notice during my morning and afternoon commute. As of this writing, I’ve passed it almost 200 times. During the winter, I see huts dragged onto the ice for ice fishing. Though I finally got out on the ice again a couple of times this year, I haven’t fished this body of water. Even today, after wandering along a trail that followed the shore, I went back to the car to grab my rods. This is the part of the story where I say I forgot my rods, right? Wrong! The rods are in the trunk. However, I neglected to put my tackle box in there. So, still no fishing here. Another day, perhaps.

Instead, I stood on the shore and watched a bird of prey (perhaps a hawk) circle above. A momma and poppa couple of geese herded their four goslings across the water. I caught two Pokemon in Pokemon Go (A Karrablast and a Tangela). Overall, while not necessarily an “adventure”, I will be back either to fish or kayak or both. Stay tuned for actual adventures from this lake/pond.

The brief interlude, in spite of the lack of “adventure”, was much needed. It wasn’t a bad day. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, it was a pretty good day. During our lunch time (some students hang out in my room during lunch block each day), a student asked, “How’s everyone’s mental health” or something along those lines. I can confidently say that mine is pretty good right now. I’m in a good place. It has been a long and weird year, but a select group of students has helped to keep me grounded and finding what I love about teaching again. I try to tell them as often as possible what they’ve done, but I know I’m not thanking them nearly enough. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be able to repay them for what they’ve done for me this year. If you find this, simply thank you.

The Journal

In spite of the good day and overall good state of mind, I needed the time to decompress. Teaching took a lot out of me today. The students were energetic, which is great, but they weren’t focused on school work, so it took a lot of energy to refocus them and keep them focused. I hope my exhaustion wasn’t read as anything negative.

Back to the task at hand. While I enjoyed my time wandering around the shoreline, I got no inspiration for a word to morph. Instead, I drove home and worked out while watching Last Chance U. Neither of those activities brought me much inspiration either. So it is that I ended up at Random Word Generator, pressing the button a few times until it landed on “candle”. I passed on a few like “risk”, “propaganda”, and “breathe”.

Why candle? Honestly, it comes from World of Warcraft and the kobold saying, “You no take candle!” So, I thought I might be able to come up with some sort of alternate definition using that connection. So far, nothing comes to mind. Hey, I genuinely tried with this one. Honestly, though, how the hell am I supposed to answer this one? If anyone comes across this post and has an answer, by all means, give me an idea.

Epilogue

Yesterday, I wrote about success and failure. Today I, once again, failed. But, I honestly tried. Given the weirdness of this particular prompt, I actually succeeded far better than expected. Even so, perhaps the topic of morphing is still relevant. Over the last two years, I morphed in several ways. I started working out and walking and got into better shape. I faced some of the tragedy of my past and came out stronger for it. A few times, I told people at work that they’d not recognize the me from 2 years ago. While I still have some ways to go (and that can be said about just about anyone), I am in much better place than I was. So, hey, I successfully morphed the word “Shawn” and that’s more important than any stupid candle.

Posted on

Second Time Around

Introduction

I guess “Second Time Around” has a couple of meanings in this post. It’s been about 3 years since I’ve updated this page in any significant way. To be honest, I left it for dead and completely forgot it existed. When my students asked if I had a “blog”, I thought they found the main page. They most likely meant this page because some of them found the Instagram associated with this blog. Then again, perhaps they just wanted to troll me a bit with their questions. Who knows with that bunch?

Rest assured that I didn’t reboot this page simply to talk about my high school students. Instead, I’m feeling inspired once again to get outside and share my experiences. Truth be told, this page probably wouldn’t have seen the light of day again if not for a series of coincidences. Of course, that can be said about much of my life.

Around the time that I abandoned this page, I started a journal. The main purpose of that journal was to highlight the good, assess the previous 3 or so years where depression took over for most of that time, and attempt to reverse the damage caused by that depression. I completed that journal and started a new on this year. I found that I was having difficulty keeping the new journal updated.

So, I searched for a “daily journal prompt” web page. I found one that finally delivered on that promise. Instead of using it to update my paper journal (which sits in my school bag, untouched again for another week), I decided to use it to inspire me to keep this page updated more regularly. Choose an outdoor adventure, I thought, and build your daily entry around that day’s theme. Since I’m on April break this week, what better time to test that theory?

The trick, then, as discussed with Chris about trying to reboot my abandoned YouTube page, is how do I stay inspired once I am back in school and no longer on break? I brainstormed a way to keep the YouTube page relevant by recording retro content on my new 2600 emulator because those games are short and I could generate a ton of content in just an hour of playing. This page, though, requires generally a commitment of at least an hour just for the hike alone. Oh well, cross that bridge (and most likely burn it) when we get there.

Journal Part 1 – “Second (Third, Fourth, Fifth, etc) Time Around – ‘The Stand'”

The theme of today is “Second Time Around” with a prompt of “Tell us about a book you can read again and again without getting bored — what is it that speaks to you?” Anyone who knows me knows that the only answer to this question is Stephen King’s “The Stand”. I first read the book as a teenager. At the time, I also read “It”, “Bag of Bones”, “Different Seasons”, and “Hearts in Atlantis”.

People assumed I was a Stephen King fan. In fact, I only liked those specific books by him. I enjoyed “Bag of Bones” so much, I unintentionally wrote an homage to it with my own book, “Siren Song”. My students, by the way, got me to admit to that book and “From Shadows”. What can I say? They’ve been instrumental in helping me in my journey back from depression. If any of you find this, know that and know that I am eternally grateful to you for your help during this time.

I reread “The Stand” again in my 20s, my 30s, and then listened to the audiobook twice over during my time as a custodian at Northfield Elementary School three years ago. Not once did the book ever bore me. And, so, I answered the first part of the question. What about the second part? What is it that speaks to me?

Journal Interlude #1 – “A Note About Hunter Biden”

Seeing as how politics encroached on every aspect of our lives, half of my potential reading audience just tuned out and started crafting an angry letter to the editor. For those of you who stayed, let me explain. Marc Maron recently interviewed Hunter and I listened to the interview during my “outdoor adventure” today. I put outdoor adventure in quotes because I simply walked around town with the dog and stopped at the post office to pick up a package.

To the point, during the interview Marc said something that resonated. Speaking of addiction, he said, “You don’t want to kill yourself, but you don’t care if you do.” I’m not an addict. That’s damning in and of itself, right? Like being a racist, once you have to defend yourself against addiction, you’ve already lost.

In any case, I made that exact statement more than once during my healing phase over the last few years. I realized that’s exactly what I was doing. I wasn’t consciously trying to kill myself, but the drinking, food, and other poor health habits could have done the job. There are still visits to my doctor open, so who knows? Maybe it eventually will. Sorry, that got dark. Let’s see if I can turn it around.

Journal – “Second (Third, Fourth, Fifth, etc) Time Around – What About ‘The Stand’ Speaks To Me?”

The book starts innocently enough. Frannie Goldsmith lives in scenic Ogunquit, Maine. She and her boyfriend break up. Stu Redman hangs out with his loser buddies at a gas station in Texas. Larry Underwood hits “high bottom” (more addiction talk) and comes crawling back to his childhood home. The characters in the book are more well rounded and I feel like I know them better than many of the people in my own life. King, in the foreword for the extended edition of the book, says, “Often I will receive mail from people asking how Fran and Stu are doing as if I get regular updates from them.” As a frustrated writer, the closest I came to that was my wife asking, “What happens next?” when reading an early copy of my manuscript.

A series of unfortunate events (a book series I also very much enjoy) leads to the ultimate showdown between good and evil and an unlikely hero who saves the day. That sentence feels like one of those “explain the plot of a book poorly” challenges that they have on social media all the time. If I’m being honest, the plot isn’t one of the reasons that I keep coming back to the book. It’s a typical religious allegory. Well, there’s got to be more to this book than the characters, right? Well, actually, uh, no. I’ve learned about myself that I can forgive weak dialogue and flimsy plot as long as the characters are strong.

As a teenager, I lived for the chaos of Trash, Flagg, and Harold. In my 20s, I latched onto the friendship between Tom and Nick. My 30s, with the aforementioned pending addiction issues and suicidal thoughts, Larry Underwood became my avatar in the apocalypse. Most recently, having lived through those (so far) addiction issues and suicidal thoughts, I longed for the “normalcy” of Frannie’s and Stu’s life in Colorado. Like I said, it just hits different each time.

Proudly powered by WordPress