Prologue
Again, I know that I used this prompt last year when I got the idea to update this daily. Again, I remembered this prompt then. I can’t remember what I wrote to answer what love is then, but now I’m going to simply copy and paste from my Father’s Day Instagram post last year. It more or less covers everything I want to say.
The Prompt
The Prompt: We each have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?
Father’s Day: My Father
https://www.eriegaynews.com/news/article.php?recordid=200401donpaulobituary.html
I usually make a crude joke at today’s expense, but I guess I’m feeling sentimental or nostalgic today, so if you actually read these, this one may be a bumpy ride.
Father’s Day means something different when your father has passed away. It is still a celebration but within that celebration is that constant ache in that piece of your heart that has been empty since they passed.
It has been over 17 years since my father passed away on December 1 from “complications due to the AIDS virus”. Makes it sound so neat and clean. Trust me, it wasn’t. I wasn’t there at the very end, but he got us all together the Thanksgiving weekend before to say good bye. He looked like hell frozen over and we all knew his intentions but, of course, nobody said them out loud.
Christine was tasked with calling me at work to let me know he has died. Either shock or an idiotic commitment to a place that didn’t share that commitment to me causes me to worry how they might cover a week of shifts if I went back home for the service and to reminisce/heal. Also, my boss at that place was a real ass.
But, I didn’t come here for that purpose. I was talking with a friend earlier and the topic of father’s came up. More recently, his became sick. But, at the time, he wasn’t. I can’t remember why we ended up talking about Dad. But, my response, simple and direct as ever, was, ” I miss the old bastard. Every single day.” Especially this day. I love you, Dad. I miss you. Happy father’s day.
Father’s Day: My Kids
Father’s Day also means something different when you are a father. I’ve already shared these pictures, but I’m not much of a pictures of my kids guy and Aiden hates having his taken, so you get the same pictures and none of Aiden by himself.
I also talked about them at great length in my anniversary thread. Having kids, for those who don’t know, obviously changes every aspect of your life and, honestly, not always for the better. But, as humans tend to ignore the negative over time and accentuate the positive, overall it has been a wonderful experience.
Some of our friends, families, and associates are in the early to middle stages of parenthood and it has been a joy sharing my own experiences as advice with them. It also has been a reminder that, while I always said I wasn’t going to miss it, I always do at least a little. I guess that gives me a reason to live long enough to become a grandfather.
So, I guess, uh, happy father’s day to me.
Father’s Day: School Kids
Father’s day has a different meaning when you teach. You entrust your kids to us for over 7 hours a day 180 days a year. We take that trust seriously and when we talk about them, we can’t help but call them our kids. We don’t always like them all, but we still love them.
I have been blessed to be on both sides of this mentoring relationship. In college, my physics professor Yadu, earned my undying loyalty by professing his love for swearing in our first class. He went on to earn my love by being one of the best mentors and teachers ever. I best sum him up by saying that I was waiting for him to show up to office hours. He walked into his office and proudly proclaimed to a colleague, “I just taught 50 minutes of physics without talking about physics once.” I went to him to ask for a book as his “textbook” for the class was a workbook without accompanying text. “You want a textbook? Here, here are some books” and he proceeded to throw books from his book shelf at me. I got that lesson, and many others, Yadu. Love you and miss you.
Jon, Tom, and Ileana all conspired to get me my first college teaching job at a time I thought myself unemployable in the field. Maria helped me build my confidence to fight for the job and Paula reminds me daily that, with some adjustments, my way really can work I have much to share about them, too, but tragically not enough space right now.
So, it is in their honor and memory that I love and care about every one of my kids in hopefully the way that they need. I mean, as my mom is quick to remind me, the letters and cards serve as proof that I’m doing something right. Just today, I have had 2 former students wish me a happy father’s day. Just know, kids, that I watch your posts with great pride and joy as you share your lives. Even if we haven’t talked, I still watch your present and future success with great interest. I cherish the time we had/have together.
Much love. Mr. Lucas.
The Epilogue
I think that says it all. Talk to you all tomorrow.