Month: May 2022

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I want to know what love is

Prologue

Again, I know that I used this prompt last year when I got the idea to update this daily. Again, I remembered this prompt then. I can’t remember what I wrote to answer what love is then, but now I’m going to simply copy and paste from my Father’s Day Instagram post last year. It more or less covers everything I want to say.

The Prompt

The Prompt: We each have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?

Father’s Day: My Father

https://www.eriegaynews.com/news/article.php?recordid=200401donpaulobituary.html

I usually make a crude joke at today’s expense, but I guess I’m feeling sentimental or nostalgic today, so if you actually read these, this one may be a bumpy ride.

Father’s Day means something different when your father has passed away. It is still a celebration but within that celebration is that constant ache in that piece of your heart that has been empty since they passed.

It has been over 17 years since my father passed away on December 1 from “complications due to the AIDS virus”. Makes it sound so neat and clean. Trust me, it wasn’t. I wasn’t there at the very end, but he got us all together the Thanksgiving weekend before to say good bye. He looked like hell frozen over and we all knew his intentions but, of course, nobody said them out loud.

Christine was tasked with calling me at work to let me know he has died. Either shock or an idiotic commitment to a place that didn’t share that commitment to me causes me to worry how they might cover a week of shifts if I went back home for the service and to reminisce/heal. Also, my boss at that place was a real ass.

But, I didn’t come here for that purpose. I was talking with a friend earlier and the topic of father’s came up. More recently, his became sick. But, at the time, he wasn’t. I can’t remember why we ended up talking about Dad. But, my response, simple and direct as ever, was, ” I miss the old bastard. Every single day.” Especially this day. I love you, Dad. I miss you. Happy father’s day.

Father’s Day: My Kids

Father’s Day also means something different when you are a father. I’ve already shared these pictures, but I’m not much of a pictures of my kids guy and Aiden hates having his taken, so you get the same pictures and none of Aiden by himself.

I also talked about them at great length in my anniversary thread. Having kids, for those who don’t know, obviously changes every aspect of your life and, honestly, not always for the better. But, as humans tend to ignore the negative over time and accentuate the positive, overall it has been a wonderful experience.

Some of our friends, families, and associates are in the early to middle stages of parenthood and it has been a joy sharing my own experiences as advice with them. It also has been a reminder that, while I always said I wasn’t going to miss it, I always do at least a little. I guess that gives me a reason to live long enough to become a grandfather.

So, I guess, uh, happy father’s day to me.

Father’s Day: School Kids

Father’s day has a different meaning when you teach. You entrust your kids to us for over 7 hours a day 180 days a year. We take that trust seriously and when we talk about them, we can’t help but call them our kids. We don’t always like them all, but we still love them.

I have been blessed to be on both sides of this mentoring relationship. In college, my physics professor Yadu, earned my undying loyalty by professing his love for swearing in our first class. He went on to earn my love by being one of the best mentors and teachers ever. I best sum him up by saying that I was waiting for him to show up to office hours. He walked into his office and proudly proclaimed to a colleague, “I just taught 50 minutes of physics without talking about physics once.” I went to him to ask for a book as his “textbook” for the class was a workbook without accompanying text. “You want a textbook? Here, here are some books” and he proceeded to throw books from his book shelf at me. I got that lesson, and many others, Yadu. Love you and miss you.

Jon, Tom, and Ileana all conspired to get me my first college teaching job at a time I thought myself unemployable in the field. Maria helped me build my confidence to fight for the job and Paula reminds me daily that, with some adjustments, my way really can work I have much to share about them, too, but tragically not enough space right now.

So, it is in their honor and memory that I love and care about every one of my kids in hopefully the way that they need. I mean, as my mom is quick to remind me, the letters and cards serve as proof that I’m doing something right. Just today, I have had 2 former students wish me a happy father’s day. Just know, kids, that I watch your posts with great pride and joy as you share your lives. Even if we haven’t talked, I still watch your present and future success with great interest. I cherish the time we had/have together.

Much love. Mr. Lucas.

The Epilogue

I think that says it all. Talk to you all tomorrow.

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Morphing

Prologue

Mighty Morphing Power Rangers? Perhaps. We went through a phase where the boys enoyed the show. Heck, we went through three such phases, one for each of the boys. Every time, it took me back. Not to childhood. The first season of Power Rangers released when I was in high school. But, it took me back to one of my first teenage crushes, Kimberly the Pink Ranger. Heck, we even went to see the newest movie on opening weekend. I check periodically to see if they released any information on the sequel. So far, no luck.

The Prompt

Yesterday, I said that I got the idea about this time last year that I got inspired to write daily. I didn’t remember if I wrote on yesterday’s prompt, but I remember today’s. Last year, apparently, I tried to morph the meaning of the word candle. Not having read the entry since then, I have no idea what that even means.

The Prompt: Language evolves. The meaning of a word can shift over time as we use it differently — think of “cool,” “heavy,” or even “literally.” Today, give a word an evolutionary push: give a common word a new meaning, explain it to us, and use it in the title of your post.

I admit that the thought of redefining a word is compelling. “Bad” becomes “good”. “Heavy” becomes a joke that endures through generations.” Hell, half of conversations these days are about what “can and can’t be said” in polite conversation. However, it takes a certain amount of hubris to think you can. Granted, I already show some of that hubris by writing my words here and expecting anyone to care. Nevertheless, my hubris has limits. And, so, no morphing of language today.

Today’s Adventure (Ashuelot Trail..Again)

I shared none of my pictures or video from today. I feel bad because I took the day off to stay home because of another doctor’s appointment. I know I shouldn’t but the old ways dies hard. Anyway, I continued my trek along the trail today and grabbed a whole bunch of caches. I also saw that cool hole in the tree and some dinosaur bones.

Epilogue

That’s how you’re going to leave this? Dinosaur bones? Yep. I think I will. You can see the picture in the head of the post. See. Dinosaur bones. Talk to you tomorrow.

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Landscape

Prologue

I already considered skipping today. Ultimately makes no difference to anyone but me and the half a dozen or so (and that might be overestimating) of readers that regularly ome to the page. But, integrity is what happens when nobody is watching, right? So, I write. However, I probably only write the bare minimum today. We might have to get used to the bare minumum during the week until summer. Maybe, some days, when I admire the landscape, I will see the forest for the trees.

The only view of the river from this part of the trail.

Today’s Adventure (Ashuelot Trail Landscape)

In yesterday’s entry, I recapped my adventure from the end of March where I spooked a low level drug dealer near one of the local ponds. Since I said this entry will be short, I don’t have the space to recount another long adventure, so I will use the weekly entries to recap the daily. This may or may not work to catch us up. But, like I say at school, this is the only plan I have and I’m not afraid to fail if I learn from it.

Today, I needed to find some quick geocaches because Quinn had little league practice tonight. And, so, I went back to the Ashuelot Trail that runs through several towns in New Hampsire and roughly follows the Ashuelot River. One of my students, when I first told him about it, thought I might be through hiking. I, sadly, had to convey that it was only a multipurpose rail trail. Hmm, maybe I will use that as inspiration to do some through hiking this summer.

For now, back to the trail. Someone took the geocaching guidelines to heart back when geocaching first started and hid a geocache every 1/10 of a mile. As far as I know, there are at least 100 geocaches hidden just along this one trail. I used it to find 15 caches and break my daily record. Today, I just found 6 to keep current with my personal yearly goal of finding 1000 caches in the calendar year. In actuality, I’m remaining 60 caches off the pace. But, during summer, I’ll pick that up within a week.

The Prompt: Landscape

I mentioned in the last entry that I used a prompt of the day to keep myself honest and keep posting every day. I used that same document this year. I recognized some of the prompts. Oh well, I will mix up my responses to keep things fresh. I don’t remember if I used this one last year. Maybe, just maybe, I took the day off. Well, I’m going to use it this year.

The Prompt: When you gaze out your window — real or figurative — do you see the forest first, or the trees?

Generally speaking, I see the big picture first. I wrote earlier that maybe I will see the forest for the trees here on the web page. That could be said for much of my life. I just never concern myelf with the details. It gets me into trouble more often than not, but who has the time or energy?

I think people might tend to gravitate to “stop and smell the roses” as they get older. Perhaps, even I might learn. I remember quoting Ferris Bueller a couple of years ago in a Facebook post. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Only recently have I taken that advice to heart. I feel like life is finally where I want it to be.

Epilogue

I said again, when confronted with the issue, “For me, my 20s were about making mistakes. Then, 30s were about amending for those mistakes, and finally in my 40s, I’m able to really start to figure out and enjoy things.” I mean, that’s all I can offer. When anyone asks for advice, I just say, enjoy the landscape of life as much as you can. Forest? Trees? It’s all the same to me.

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Success

Prologue

Today, I write about success. I must admit that when it comes to my career, I don’t have much experience with success. I (only partly) joked recently that many of my teaching jobs came with a three year expiration date. At the risk of spoiling the journal entry, I fought that expiration date this time and actually won.

By won, I mean that I received a contract for a fourth year. This happened in spite of earlier pushback from administration and not (again) getting my license to teach. But, more on all of that later. I also started this blog as an attempt to “share the natural beauty of our world”. Granted, much of that beauty exists only in the states of Massachusetts and New Hampsire (sometimes Vermont and Rhode Island, rarely Maine, and almost never outside of New England), but as I’ve often parroted from my younger brother (paraphrased), “If you want to travel, why aren’t you travelling? Why wait to win the lottery? There’s plenty to see in your metaphorical backyard if you just know where to look.

The Adventure (Thursday 31 March 2022 Part 1)

In my last post (in which I promised to write more and then promptly ignored for another month plus), I promised more frequent updates. The only time I ever kept that promise was when I used the daily prompts last year. And, so, at around the same time, I attempt to daily blog. I thought I mentioned low level drug dealers in that post. Perhaps, I saved it for the preview blurb.

I went back to an area I hiked before in the snow. I never found the geocache in that area and I wanted to see if it was because of the snow. That often happens and you will notice a familiar refrain with recent updates. I parked in the parking area and started down the trail. A man suddenly appeared, as if he materialized out of thin air (he actually just walked out from behind the outhouse, but I sometimes have a flair for the dramatic), and stood there. I saw him talking on his phone, so paid him no mind.

I continued down the path. He seemed to follow me, but sometimes paranoia gets the better of me, so I paid no attention. As I searched the area, pretending to take pictures (my common cover for muggles while caching), he circled around to the other side of the trail. I decided to take a walk down the rest of the trail to the water to see if he might just leave. I took the two pictures at the bottom of the gallery, spent some time just looking at the water and then went back to find the cache.

When I got back to the cache location, he was nowhere to be found. Good, I thought, he’s gone. I can search in peace. Then, similar to the beginning of this adventure, he appeared out of nowhere at the top of the hill where I searched. Okay, now this is weird. Is this guy going to kill me? I learned later from a student that a murder actually happened in that area, so that’s fun.

I went back to pretending to take pictures as he walked down the path. What is he doing? Trying to get my scent to make it easier to hunt me? Whatever, time to find this cache. Nope, wrong again. He’s back Okay, this is definitely where I get murdered.

The Adventure (Thursday, 31 March 2022 Part 2)

“Pretty area.” He said. He’s attempting to get me to drop my guard to make it easier to murder me.

“It is very pretty.” I replied.

“Is the pond ice out?”

“Yes, there’s a little bit on the shore over there, but other than that, I didn’t see any. I came down here a couple of weeks ago when there was still snow and it was all ice.”

He nodded. Then awkward silence for a few minutes. “Are you a cop?”

Okay, do I say yes because we are in rural New Hampshire and “Blue Lives Matter”? Or, do I tell the truth and see where this takes me? “No.”

“Oh,” he stammers. Then, “I just saw you on your phone.”

“Just taking pictures.” I show him my lanyard with ID. “I’m a teacher and I work at the local school over there.”

More awkward silence. Then, in a halting voice, as if he’s not sure he even wants to ask, “Are you, uh, are you looking for, uh, are you looking for something?” I don’t remember the exact words, but he definitely implied that he carried drugs and wanted to sell them to someone, hopefully me.

I chuckled. After thinking he wanted to murder me, offering me drugs was a relief. “No, man, I’m good. Thanks.”

“Oh, uh, my mistake.” He still stammered and stumbled over his words. Then he ran off back to his car and left. Finally alone, I quickly found the geocache and went on to find a couple of others nearby. Never a dull moment in my life.

The Prompt: Success

The Prompt: Tell us about a time where everything you’d hoped would happen actually did.

If you kept current with my adventures this year, you may be surprised that I use this year as a measure of success. When I wrote someone to say, “I’m officially employed by Conant next year”, they replied, “Wasn’t it you who put forth you wouldn’t?” Well, yes, but as I explained, I never thought I’d make it past that three year expiration date for much of the year. It looked bleak.

Then, something changed. Actually, many things changed. Those things led to me getting offered a job working in STEM instead of exlusively math and ultimately, I made it beyond the expiration date. If I finish my licensure for next year, I have many more options open to me. I can stay where I am. Or, I can jump ship and come back across the border to make 15 to 20 thousand more in Massachachusetts.

To me, that’s the epitome of success. I now have full (or hopefully will after this year) agency over my career and will have actual options open to me. Every other time, my options were slim to none and I just took what life gave me. I never considered money as a marker to success and I always (well, mostly) feel sucessful as a father and a husband, so that’s all that remained. *knock wood* Now is a good time to be me.

Epilogue

I only made it through one day of adventures in this post. That’s okay. The next week is limited in scope. I spent much of it sick and had little to no energy to do anything besides lying down on the couch. So, I will be back and current before you know it. Until tomorrow!