Month: May 2021

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Memories for Sale

Prologue

What do I mean by “memories for sale”? We will get to that. Before we do, allow me a story. Chris texted me earlier to ask how my trip to the comic book store went. There’s a comic store in Jaffrey right down the street from the school. I visited once in the past to pick up some comics I missed and I like the place. Ever since, I said more than once that I want to visit again. Of course, that requires me to do an inventory of my books. As we all know, given the end of the school year, that is far easier said than done.

No, really, I’m fine. I swear…

I never made it to the comic store. As I wrote on Facebook and reiterated to Chris, it was “effing emotionally draining as eff. I appreciate the advice to treat this like ‘just a job’. I wish I could. I really do.” It started with a potentially suicidal student period 1 and then a verbal altercation during homeroom. Second period saw some of the teachers and students get into trouble with the principal. The rest of the day calmed down for the most part, but some students are getting their vaccine and a few of them were out yesterday. I know severe side effects are rare, but it’s still something that weighs on you. As a result, I defaulted into coast home mode on Friday instead of vising the comic book store.

The Adventure

Today’s adventure comes courtesy of our middle son. He found a kitten online. Somehow (I’m a sucker who is easily persuaded), he got me to agree to drive him to Connecticut to pick up this cat today. I left in the middle of writing this in anticipation of telling you all about our new cat, sharing a picture of said kitten, and saying how she was worth the trip. So, about that. Christine said last night that we were making memories. Well, today, no good memories for sale.

The trip started fine. Unlike our previous trip, we didn’t discuss anything. I wondered if he might ask for some of the DC Comics audiobooks. Instead, he put in his headphones and listened to a Harry Potter audiobook. I hooked up the bluetooth and loaded some Marc Maron podcasts for the ride. We made it as far as an hour into Marc’s Steve Miller interview, halfway to the place, when he said, “She’s not going to sell to me because I’m 14.”

Unsure I heard him correctly, I repeated that back to him. He confirmed that she wasn’t going to sell him the kitten. I swore. He swore. I asked him where he made the deal. He responded, “Craigslist.” I told him that I suspected something like this might happen because Craigslist is infamous for this shit. So, even though we had a bit of an adventure, we have no kitten.

The Journal

Prompt: On a weekend road trip, far away from home, you stumble upon a garage sale in a neighborhood you’re passing through. Astonished, you find an object among the belongings for sale that you recognize. Tell us about it.

We’ve been planning this trip for almost two decades. It used to be a possible family summer trip. Rent an RV, drive across the country, buy plane tickets back home. Visit some national parks along the way. You can deduce that trip never happened. Instead, all three boys live on their own and maybe that’s for the best. It certainly made the plane trip home cheaper.

“Let’s find something to eat.” She says.

I shrug. “You’re driving. You make the stops.”

She pulls off the next exit that advertises a variety of restaurants, gas, and camping. As the sun is going down, and we most likely need gas for “The Beast”, we can kill three birds with one stone. Instead of driving right to a place to eat, she point at a garage sale on the side of the road. I shrug again. She’s driving and is, therefore, the boss. After pulling the car over, we both get out and wander through the garage sale individually. As usual, I don’t find anything of note. Until, I do. Buried in a box of books, I see the proof copy of my collection of short stories, “From Shadows.” These are my memories for sale. How did this get here?

Epilogue

Forgive me for what might be considered navel gazing. It’s just that someone is currently reading the book and giving me some feedback. That always inspires me. Besides, what other object brings with it as many memories as that? Maybe something to do with the kids being younger? Perhaps something from our wedding? Those stories have been a part of my life since before even Christine and the boys. So, while I do apologize for my self indulgence, I come by it honestly. What about you? Do you ever search for memories for sale?

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Fill In The Blank

Prologue

The Prompt: Fill in the Blank – Three men walk into a bar…

They all say “ouch”. Honestly, you think the second and especially the third guy would see what happened and avoid the collision. Must be that they aren’t all that bright or dexterous. But, seriously folks, how about that weather? I know that spring often takes her time here in New England, but this is ridiculous. I took two classes outside one yesterday and one today. Both days they complained about the cold.

This may or may not be a selfie from one of those outside classes.

It seemed like it got warmer today as the day went on. I never tested that theory by taking any other classes outside. Sorry, guys. To be honest, I never considered going outside again. I forgot to mention that both of my work computers broke over the last week. So, I couldn’t cast anything during class. Also, I cancelled my remote class again. No laptop means no camera means no class. So, I spent most of the day obsessing about the fact that I had no technology in a time when technology is essential in the classroom.

The Set Up

The Prompt: Fill in the Blank – Three men walk into a bar…

I refuse to finish this joke that usually masquerades as a bigoted comment against race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. Okay, Snowflake, you’re so smart and funny. Why don’t you reclaim the joke then? Sure, I could rewrite the joke so that it contains none of that, but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. Besides, I’m not that good of a joke writer. If anyone else wants to try, be my guest.

Note: I got distracted yesterday. I think I mentioned that some students found out that I wrote the two books. Well, I let it slip during class one day. They found the novel online and started reading it. Since I’m more proud of the short stories than the novel, I brought in my proof copy for them to read. The student that I allowed to read the stories first came to me yesterday to tell me how much she enjoyed the first story. Consequently, I wanted to read them again to see if they held up. And, so, I never finished this entry last night.

Sorry about that. There’s bound to be growing pains. And you know once summer hits, I’ll be updating on a daily basis. So, just wait a few weeks and this page will become a vibrant and valuable member of the 2 Guys Gaming network. If only I could say the same about that main page.

The Adventure

As you see, I took a break from visiting bodies of water around the Jaffrey/Rindge area and instead chose to hike a trail. I pass this one during my commute, though, so I’m still only exploring more or less familiar haunts. Give me time. I went to watch a couple of innings of the softball and baseball games at a nearby school and I saw some other possible adventures in the neighboring towns. As always, stay tuned.

This particular stretch of hike only took about 45 minutes total there and back. I passed the Market Basket in town and also saw some signs leading to restaurants and gas stations. The local snow mobile association helps to maintain the trails, so that makes sense. Also, I thought the trail wasn’t particularly scenic. More utilitarian. Even so, I enjoyed the time outside and want to explore the trail further when I have time. As we say, stay tuned.

The Journal

Fill in the Blank: Three men walk into a bar…

After another day, I’m no closer to coming up with a punchline for this other than the sarcastic one and, some would say, the “cancel culture” one. But, honestly, screw off if you seriously stopped reading after that comment. I don’t need you in my life. Didn’t Jay-Z teach you anything? Always punch up. Especially in comedy. That’s why all of these conservative “comedy” shows always fail. They’re constantly punching down.

With all of that being said, I can laugh at myself. One of my students cultivated an image around an ultra conservative. I’m not sure how accurate it is or if it is just mostly for the LULz, but I treat it like the latter. This student mimicked the sticker on Woody Guthrie’s guitar, but his reads, “This machine kills socialists.” Another student, perhaps aware of my socialist bent, tried to save me, but I got a laugh out of it. Sure, it’s derivative. Of course, it’s offensive. It’s also funny as hell in context. Maybe I should pick this student’s brain for a new punchline.

Epilogue

Well, the kids discovered that I’m posting on Instagram again. I’m not sure if it translates to them coming to the page yet. If so, they’ll pretty easily be able to figure out who I’m referring to in each of my posts. I hope they understand that it’s all in good fun and I mean everything as a compliment and not an insult. Even so, I also understand that not everyone is comfortable being referred to online. So, if you find anything here that offends, let me know and I’ll be sure to change it.

But first, I need you to fill in the blank…Three guys walk into a bar

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I Want to Know What Love Is

Prologue

“I Want to Know What Love Is…I Want You to Show Me…” –Foreigner

Yesterday, I waxed (pun totally intended) poetic about trying to evolve the definition of the word candle. Once again, my journal prompt page gave me a ridiculous assignment that I more or less punted. I’m happy to report that today’s prompt is much more straight forward and easy to complete. They want me to tell you what love is.

If it has to be stuck in my head, it has to be stuck in your head

Yesterday, I stopped and scouted one of the bodies of water that I pass during my morning and afternoon commute to work. Having looked it up, I now know that it is, in fact, neither a pond nor a lake, but a reservoir. I learned that when I looked up public access for another of the bodies of water that I pass (I mistakenly said that I only see two, but there are at least three, which is why I didn’t say the “other” body of water.

The Adventure

This is, in fact, a pond. Looking it up on the map, it is called Pool Pond. As it is a pond instead of a reservoir, it is more developed and I saw no public access from 202. Thanks to the NH Fish and Game, I found the rooftop/boat access off of Mountain Road there. When I pulled up, a truck with a fishing boat was there. I thought about asking the guy if he was entering or exiting, but I chickened out and got in his way to take my pictures because he was entering the lake. Sorry, random guy. I hope you catch all the fish.

Today’s adventure rivals even yesterday’s for being not much of one. Hell, yesterday I found and hiked a bit of a trail along the shoreline. I saw no such trail today other than the road, so I just wandered around the boat access for 5 or 10 minutes to take my pictures. I still haven’t put my tackle box in the car, so no fishing even. However, like the reservoir yesterday, I plan to come back with my kayak and explore further. Stay tuned.

The Prompt

Prompt: We each have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?

I said that after the difficulty of the previous few posts, this one will be easy. Five or so years ago, I wouldn’t have said that. That’s not to say I wasn’t surrounded by love then. I had my wife and three kids, my in laws (including a niece who would only calm in my arms some days), my mother and two brothers, my extended family like my cousins, aunt, and grandmother. My aunt and grandmother since passed away. Not sure why I wrote that last part. Damn stream of consciousness.

The Back Story

I–uh–I lost the thread for a little bit there. I worked two and sometimes three jobs, culminating with the two years before I started at my current job. Taught at HCC and then went to Northfield Elementary School and Pearl Rhodes Elementary School to work as a custodian. I woke up and left after everyone left for school and got home after 11:30 most nights. Before that, I tossed around boxes at UPS for a Christmas season. That saw me wake up at 4:30 every morning. I got home at a more reasonable time most days, but was so tired that I often crashed on the couch for several hours in the afternoon/early evening.

It ground me down to an exposed bundle of nerves and caused tension in every aspect of life. I might still be there if not for a few happenings. First, I got laid off from the custodial job. That one hurt. I very much enjoyed that job. 8 hours of listening to audiobooks and not having to interact with people? Where has this job been all my life? Okay, not bad. I still have HCC. Yeah, about that.

I lost a class. As an adjunct professor, I got paid based on the number of credits I taught. And, so, I lost income there, too. Things happen for a reason people, you win this one. I applied at several schools, got three interviews, three call backs, and decided on a school. Why? As I’ve always put it, they offered the most money.

The Journal

That move back to high school after about a decade since my less than illustrious exit from the previous high school I worked at gave me time to reflect on a great many things. I realized that I am highly empathic. I feel things on a grand scale. Good, bad (especially bad, which is dangerous and can present as a spiral of depression), but never indifferent.

I know how that sounds. And, yes, I used to use that as an excuse. However, in my reflection, I have instead used it as a strength again. This time I come into it fully aware that it might blow up in my face. Any time I joke about not showing up or leaving work, a colleague says, “You’re basically saying that you will never teach again.” “Yep.” I reply. I think it unnerves him that I’m so nonchalant and certain about it.

Okay, so what does this all have to do with love? Well, at the beginning of the school year, a student tragically died. I only knew him for a month, but he made a bit of an impression on me. For the rest of the year, I told every one of my classes how much I loved them. A bit awkward for a math teacher to say? Perhaps, but like I said. I feel deeply. And, I do genuinely care about them.

Epilogue

I think I have more to say about what love is. At the very least, I feel like I’m only getting started on the topic. However, it’s creeping up on 9pm and I have some graduation cards to write for my seniors. As much as I’ve said it’s going to be a long 6 weeks, I know in 5 I’m going to be looking forlornly at them and wishing for a few more. So, for now, let’s leave it at that and I’ll see you all tomorrow.

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Morphing Candle ?

Prologue

Mighty Morphing Power Rangers? Forgive me for my dated reference. However, one might argue that Power Rangers are timeless. Honestly, though, the only reason I used them was I couldn’t think of another morphing reference. Butterflies? I suppose. I feel like they are even more trite than Power Rangers. It’s the literary equivalent of getting a Chinese symbol that doesn’t translate to what you think.

I think these are literally the characters for “chicken” “noodle” and “soup” from my rudimentary research.

What are we actually morphing? Prompt: Language evolves. The meaning of a word can shift over time as we use it differently — think of “cool,” “heavy,” or even “literally.” Today, give a word an evolutionary push: give a common word a new meaning, explain it to us, and
use it in the title of your post.

This makes me two things. One, the morphing of “literally” makes me angry. We already have a word for what literally morphed into. I suppose, now that I think about it, that it’s kind of cool that we created a contranym out of literally. Still, I’m going to stay mad about it. The other thing is, “Stop trying to make fetch happen.” But, this is the prompt, so let’s try to make “fetch” happen.

The Adventure

The featured image depicts one of the lakes/ponds that I notice during my morning and afternoon commute. As of this writing, I’ve passed it almost 200 times. During the winter, I see huts dragged onto the ice for ice fishing. Though I finally got out on the ice again a couple of times this year, I haven’t fished this body of water. Even today, after wandering along a trail that followed the shore, I went back to the car to grab my rods. This is the part of the story where I say I forgot my rods, right? Wrong! The rods are in the trunk. However, I neglected to put my tackle box in there. So, still no fishing here. Another day, perhaps.

Instead, I stood on the shore and watched a bird of prey (perhaps a hawk) circle above. A momma and poppa couple of geese herded their four goslings across the water. I caught two Pokemon in Pokemon Go (A Karrablast and a Tangela). Overall, while not necessarily an “adventure”, I will be back either to fish or kayak or both. Stay tuned for actual adventures from this lake/pond.

The brief interlude, in spite of the lack of “adventure”, was much needed. It wasn’t a bad day. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, it was a pretty good day. During our lunch time (some students hang out in my room during lunch block each day), a student asked, “How’s everyone’s mental health” or something along those lines. I can confidently say that mine is pretty good right now. I’m in a good place. It has been a long and weird year, but a select group of students has helped to keep me grounded and finding what I love about teaching again. I try to tell them as often as possible what they’ve done, but I know I’m not thanking them nearly enough. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be able to repay them for what they’ve done for me this year. If you find this, simply thank you.

The Journal

In spite of the good day and overall good state of mind, I needed the time to decompress. Teaching took a lot out of me today. The students were energetic, which is great, but they weren’t focused on school work, so it took a lot of energy to refocus them and keep them focused. I hope my exhaustion wasn’t read as anything negative.

Back to the task at hand. While I enjoyed my time wandering around the shoreline, I got no inspiration for a word to morph. Instead, I drove home and worked out while watching Last Chance U. Neither of those activities brought me much inspiration either. So it is that I ended up at Random Word Generator, pressing the button a few times until it landed on “candle”. I passed on a few like “risk”, “propaganda”, and “breathe”.

Why candle? Honestly, it comes from World of Warcraft and the kobold saying, “You no take candle!” So, I thought I might be able to come up with some sort of alternate definition using that connection. So far, nothing comes to mind. Hey, I genuinely tried with this one. Honestly, though, how the hell am I supposed to answer this one? If anyone comes across this post and has an answer, by all means, give me an idea.

Epilogue

Yesterday, I wrote about success and failure. Today I, once again, failed. But, I honestly tried. Given the weirdness of this particular prompt, I actually succeeded far better than expected. Even so, perhaps the topic of morphing is still relevant. Over the last two years, I morphed in several ways. I started working out and walking and got into better shape. I faced some of the tragedy of my past and came out stronger for it. A few times, I told people at work that they’d not recognize the me from 2 years ago. While I still have some ways to go (and that can be said about just about anyone), I am in much better place than I was. So, hey, I successfully morphed the word “Shawn” and that’s more important than any stupid candle.

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Success

Prologue

Well, I fell off the wagon once again. No new entries in this page for 3 days on this page. The main page lies abandoned once again for over a week, maybe two? I never recorded to get the YouTube page for 2 Guys Gaming running again. This whole exercise, so far, is an exercise in failure. I feel even lower now because I was listening to Marc Maron yesterday and he gave his speech about how because there are no gatekeepers anymore that every Tom, Dick, and Harry thinks they can start a podcast and become famous. Well, then how do I define success in regards to this page?

That hit close to home…

I never claim that I want either page to bring me fame or riches. In fact, I often say that I don’t care one way or another if either happens. I won’t lie and say that I would turn either down if they do happen. However, I write because I like to write. If others find what I write and enjoy it, then great. Either way, I continue to write. Even if it doesn’t lead to eventual success.

The Journal

Before I consider success, let’s talk one more failure. No “outdoor adventure” today other than a trip to the dump and then one down to Honest Weight to pick up some beer. Okay, now to talk about success. Question: Tell us about a time where everything you’d hoped would happen actually did.

Now, I know that these questions are designed to spark thought and discussion. However, after the first few I answered, they became quite difficult to answer. This one makes me think of the time I was in counseling and the counselor said, “Tell me about one good thing that happened this week.”

I paused for a good 20 seconds and stammered a bit before saying, “My department head bought me a coffee when we took our trip to UMass. I guess that was pretty cool.” The counselor responded, “That’s pretty sad that it took you that long to simply come up with that example.” I’m sure they weren’t that abrupt and judgmental, but that’s how I remember it. So, I now struggle (after having come up with several examples of failure) to remember a time where everything went according to plan. Trust me when I say it isn’t because there are so many examples that I can’t narrow it down.

Instead, as part of my self deprecation and sabotage, thinking of times I failed is much easier than considering times that I’ve succeeded. I guess if I think of a recent example, I can talk about my Financial Algebra classes on Thursday. Admitted to the students (because of my stupid absolute honesty) that April went less than stellar. I lost the thread of the classes too often.

And, so, I took some time over break to put together Google Slides shows of two sections from the book. I also gave them homework. Now, you might say, that sounds exactly like how a traditional class should run. And, therein, is where the problem in April lie (or is it lay? Not sure and Grammarly didn’t help). Either way, I expected the plans to be met with some resistance. Naturally, some students ignored me as they always will. However, for the most part, I got compliance from all of them.

Epilogue

They tell us to celebrate the small successes. For most, my class actually acting like a class for one day surely counts as a small success. Even I can admit that it doesn’t inspire much confidence in my abilities as a teacher. But, it was an improvement over what happened in April and overall it was a success. I will see tomorrow if it was just a one time occurrence or I can build on the success to make the end of the year an overall success.

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The Little Things

Prologue

Full disclosure. This entry was supposed to post yesterday. Also, I skipped an entry from yesterday to answer this question instead. I promise to revisit that sometime in the future. For today, I’m just trying to get back on schedule. So, this entry might be short since it is already almost 9 o’clock and I’m back to work. 345 in the morning comes very early. Still need to make time for the little things. Like these journal entries.

Why do I wake up at 345 in the morning? I have no earthly idea. That’s just the time that my brain decides is a good time to wake up and start thinking about the day. Also, thinking about the day before. Analyzing and overanalyzing every single moment and wondering if I could have done anything better. Melatonin helps, but only sometimes and only marginally. Sorry, folks, we are at 1030 now and I need to put the computer to the side to calm down the old brain. Afraid we have to wait until tomorrow to hear about the little things.

The Journal

Before answering the question today, I need to talk about our “outdoor adventure” on Sunday. After discovering the new hike on Saturday, we simply worked outdoors for most of the day. I burned brush and moved some of the wood pile back underneath a tarp. After that, we celebrated indoors by going to the Quarters for Aiden’s birthday celebration.

Now two days out from the original day, can I remember the original intent of the post? Thankfully, I bookmarked the page with the prompts. The question for this post asks, “Describe a little thing — one of the things you love that defines your world but is often overlooked.” I have to admit that this is the toughest prompt that I’ve seen yet from these.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the small things. Sometimes I miss big things in favor of the small things, in fact. I’m more having trouble with the overlooked part. Who am I to say what people overlook or not? And, so, this post comes two days late and leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth. I’m sorry.

Epilogue

I promise to be better about this page. I got my new phone today, so I can start planning hikes and grabbing pictures of new fishing spots. I’ve been talking with a student at school and he inspired me to find some of those new fishing spots. Stay tuned. I will eventually find my groove here and on the main page.

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Personal Space

Prologue

Well, I half-assed the entry two days ago and completely skipped yesterday. Usually, that portends the end of my commitment to updating the page. Not so this time, true believers. I’m back today with both a new hike and a question to answer. The theme of today’s journal, personal space, refers to the purpose of this journal.

Question: To what extent is your blog a place for your own self expression and creativity vs. a site designed to attract readers? How do you balance that? If sticking to certain topics
and types of posts meant your readership would triple, would you do it?

I think we all know the answer to that question. Nevertheless, I will do my due diligence and write the post as if we are all in suspense about my intentions with this (and, honestly, 2 Guys Gaming) page. This morning, Christine asked about a local place to hike that wasn’t too hilly. I suggested the first part of the Tully loop. She thought it might be too busy there. Then, she said something about Warwick State Forest. If I’m being honest, I probably drove by the place several dozen times and it never registered. Off we went.

The Hike

We loaded Christine, Quinn, the dog, and myself into her car and drove that way. There are two entrances off Athol Road in Warwick. We took the first one coming from Orange. It led straight and had a a turn off to the right. Initially, we started to drive straight, but the trail/road washed out from the recent rain, so we turned around and went to the right. After a short drive, you see Sheomet Pond. We parked in a small turn off and started walking.

This part of the hike was short and only took us about a half an hour before leading back to Athol Road. However, on that hike, we saw several place to get down to the water for fishing. Also, we found (that’s a bit of a strong word as it is pretty well seen from the road) a small area with a make shift fire pit, a stone bench, and a partial damn with the waterfall shown in the featured image of the post. A side road just past the waterfall led to a small beach and a trail around the pond.

Once we got back to Athol Road, we turned around and took the washed out portion of the trail that was straight ahead when we pulled into the area. On this stretch, we found several babbling brooks and not much else. We stopped hiking and turned around when the grade started to get too much and we realized we walked for almost an hour and a half at that point. So, still quite a bit of the area to explore the next time we’re looking for a day hike.

The Journal (Personal Space, duh!)

I make no secret that I use this journal as a personal space. Granted, I don’t write everything in here. A guy has to have some secrets after all. However, in the first entry back, I talked about death, mourning, depression, and the road to recovery. Since then, the entries have been less personal, but that’s just the nature of the questions as opposed to a personal choice to offer less of me.

I never cared much for readership. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I always say that if I could cultivate 2 Guys Gaming into a community of like minded individuals either through my writing, YouTube videos, streaming, or some other method, I would gladly welcome that chance. Initially, I hoped to do the same with this page. To that effort, I have an Instagram (the one the students know about) and Twitter that haven’t been updated (well, this auto posts to Twitter) in several years.

I ordered a new phone, so the Instagram might become more active in the coming weeks and months. Who knows what that will do for readership of the page. If something tripled my readership? I don’t know? What’s 3 times 0? I don’t even think my mother checks this page anymore. She reads 2 Guys Gaming every now and then as she’s remarked about it more than once. I doubt that I’d change anything to increase readership. I write because I like to write. If others find my writings and like it, too, then all the better. But, I’m not going to change what I do simply to cultivate new readers. If I wanted to do that, I’d apply to be a free lance writer for one of the pages that I follow.

Epilogue

We have our answer. I told you it wouldn’t take very long to get to an answer. This blog is one personal space among many. I already mentioned in a previous entry that I have a journal that I update not nearly as much as I should. It’s May 1 again and I always convince myself on the 1st of every month that I will start updating the journal again. I do have to update my super secret journal (oh no, now you know about that one!), so maybe that will inspire me to write in the other journal, too. How’s that for a cliffhanger until tomorrow?