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Super Bowl LVII Post Mortem: A Love Story

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Introduction

I wrote about my success Betting the Bowl 2023 yesterday. The cliffs notes version (I discussed this with a student the other day. Do they even do cliffs notes anymore? I know they also had Spark Notes, but I never hear about them either) reads as follows. Local math teacher bets 99 cents to win back 93 cents. Extrapolate that out to any meaningful amount of money and I paid off my mortgage this year. But, there’s more to the Super Bowl than just betting. So, I present our Super Bowl LVII Post Mortem.

Wait, what? More to the Super Bowl than betting? Of course. Food. Commercials. Halftime show. And, oh yea, they played a game, too. Naturally, the game ended with controversy. I heard someone say that if you want to say the NFL is rigged, just look at the fact that Super Bowls always stay competitive until the end of the game and often with a reason to discuss them for at least a week after they end. But, we focus on the positive here.

Food (Not as Fancy as Years Past, But Still Tasty)

Those who follow the page know that we often don’t watch the game around here. In my house, only I care about football. So, I made a deal a few years ago with my family. Now, we pick a movie or television show and watch a marathon. I make the traditional types of food associated with the Super Bowl. Usually, I make jalapeno poppers, twice baked potatoes, chicken and beef sliders, and marinated chicken tenders (I know people get mad when you call them “wings” because people just get mad these days).

Hell, I could make people really apoplectic by saying they’re made out of cauliflower.

This year, I actually received an invitation to watch the game. My father in law invited me over to watch. Usually, he watches with my brother in law, but either he was busy or didn’t care because the Patriots were nowhere to be found this year. As a result, my mother in law made pasta for us and I spread the apps around the remainder of last week.

Commercials (Serena Proves Memorable, Everyone Else Needs a Reminder)

First, ignore the perversity of watching an event strictly for the commercials. I promise to leave my communist agenda at the door if you promise to agree that a billion dollars is too much money for one person to possess. Okay? Okay. Now, about those commercials.

Honestly, thinking back on them, I remember exactly one. Well, I remember two, but the second makes me so furious that I want t o murder who ever came up with the idea. You’re curious, aren’t you? Give me a chance. Maybe I’ll tell you. Okay, just because I want it done and over with. The fucking Jesus commercials. You have multiple billions of dollars to spend and you spend it on two Super Bowl commercials? What about the actual mission of Jesus to feed and clothe the poor? Yeah, I thought so. Sorry for the curse word, but it makes me so mad.

Think POSITIVE!!!

The only other one I remember without looking it up involves Serena Williams giving the Any Given Sunday speech. To show how ineffective I find advertisements, I have no idea what they advertised. Simply that Serena Williams gave the speech. So, yea, billions well spent.

After looking them up, I also enjoyed the Ben Affleck Dunkin Donuts ad, mostly because I remember hearing about it when they filmed it. Seeing Jesse and Walt again brought back good memories. And, I danced a little bit with the couple on hold. Plus, one of my former colleagues posted that they used a local police department’s hold music. That made me smile. Other than that, I used the commercials as God intended, to use the bathroom. He definitely gets us.

Halftime Show (Is She? Am I Allowed to Ask that? Oh Wait, That’s Umbrella!)

Rhianna came out looking very pregnant. I refrained from asking the question because, ignorant of her situation, I wanted to remain respectful. So, I watched, and made a few comments in the group chat with Chris and Jason. My father in law finally broke the ice, so I looked it up. Rhianna performed the halftime show pregnant less than a year after giving birth. I don’t care who you are. That’s impressive. Except, remember how I said that people in this country get mad about everything. Yeah, a certain segment of the population in this country (or Russian bots pretending) got mad about it.

Dab on the haters. You go, girl!

My only complaint. She performed umbrella without Jay-Z. It made me even more upset when I saw that he attended the game. I understand that Jay-Z can do what he wants with his time, but can you imagine the reaction on Twitter? Oh well, I still enjoyed the show. Y’all should try not being such grumpy gusses.

Why I’m Mad the Chiefs Won

I came up with this half baked idea the other day when planning the article in my head. I think I wrote something along these lines when I wrote the preview article. I’m not mad the Chiefs won, but according to my social media, many of my friends and associates are. I wonder why.

5. Betting – I heard none of this talk from the people in my circle, but some of my podcasts talked about how the betting money went heavy in the favor of the Eagles. So, those who bet on the wrong side of the game got their narrative that the NFL fixed the game. Stay mad.

4. Mahomes – I love Mahomes. Granted, even I started to get sick of him a bit this year, so I suppose I sympathize with this line of thinking. Even so, watching him play football puts all of that out of my mind and I fall in love all over again. Stay mad.

3. Eagles Fans – Admittedly, I try not to associate with such lower life forms (I joke Iggs. I love all people), but I understand their pain here. My Steelers won way more Super Bowls than they lost (okay, I’ll stop piling on), but the ones they lost sting with that feeling of what might have been. Take solace in the fact that rarely do Super Bowl runners up ever make it back to the big game the next year and losing both coordinators makes it tougher. Okay, I’m done. But, seriously, stay mad.

2. Patriots Fans – Living in Massachusetts, I associate with many Patriots fans. I saw more than one piss and moan about how the Chiefs bled the last two minutes off the clock. I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to make the comment. Patriots fans during this Super Bowl: I hate what the Chiefs are doing, but I find it strangely familiar and attractive. Stay mad.\

In bill we trust, but Eff Andy Reid, right? Sports are so weird.

1. Refs – Two weeks in a row, the Chiefs benefited from dubious calls at the end of the game. Part of the reason I started to turn on Mahomes was the hit out of bounds against the Bungs. Then, I remembered if not for that, the Bungs maybe went to the Super Bowl. So, eff that. Maybe you think the end of the game sucked. But, a textbook hold and Mahomes threw the ball that way to make sure they caught it on tape. The ref got caught in damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. He’s human. He made a split second decision. Stay mad.

Why I’m Elated the Chiefs Won

Now, we finally come to the reason for writing my Super Bowl LVII post mortem. Hey, I’m a fan, not a professional journalist. I owe nothing in the way of journalistic integrity. I already said that I love Mahomes and hate the Iggs and Bungs. So, the fact that they made those fan bases even more miserable gives me great schadenfreude.

Aside from that, and not to lecture too much, but it’s only a damn game. Like I said to my father when he asked at the beginning for a prediction. First, I said, I usually can predict with some confidence. Not so this year. So, I went with, “Don’t bet against Mahomes.” Then I said, I can’t even really come up with a reason to hate either of these teams except that I’m from Pittsburgh and we hate Philly for some reason. I guess I’m maturing.

I troll, but I love ya, Philly

So, I went with joy. I love Mahomes. Andy Reid deserves a few championships for recognizing and utilizing Mahomes to his full potential. Travis Kelce is a ridiculous talent, too. Juju got run out of Pittsburgh, so good on him for finding a soft landing spot. They all won and good for them.

Five Big Plays

A million years ago, I ran a Pittsburgh Steelers fan page. It existed so early in the days of the internet that it ranked as the #2 or #3 (depending on the week) such page at the time. During the evolution of the page, I came up with the idea for a five big plays section in recaps. I think I used it once before on this page, but don’t remember. Well, if so, the triumphant return of five big plays in this Super Bowl LVII post mortem!

5. KC wins the toss and defers: Not an earth shattering strategy. Most teams now defer to the second half when given the option. But, when Philly went right down and scored, I got a bit nervous. Then, Mahomes matched. Okay, game on. The strategy nearly paid off, but the Chiefs borked the end of the first half before righting the ship at halftime and coming out gangbusters in the second half. That all started with the very first decision of the game.

4. Jalen Hurts Fumble: This changed the entire complexion of the game. But, perversely, not how you expect. A. Philly looked almost unstoppable and they proved it for the rest of the first half. B. The Chiefs defense showed they came to play a bit. C. It kept Mahomes off the field for a ridiculous amount of time. So, no momentum shift and it weirdly benefited Philly. Yet, they took no advantage from it and that showed up later in the game.

3. Pacheco Touchdown: As mentioned, KC deferred. They took the opening kickoff right at Philly and Philly showed no capacity to handle the halftime adjustments made by KC. You want to look for a reason that KC won, look no further. Good experienced coach punks good young coach. Simple formula, really.

Plus, because of the terrible field, he almost blew out his ACL celebrating.

2. The Reversed Fumble: People want to talk about the officiating, but strangely leave this call out of the conversation. If this call stands, I think KC rolls for the rest of the game. Sure, Philly showed some sparks of life in the second half, but I think this play negates any of that if not overturned.

1. The Hold: I may sound very condescending here. I apologize in advance. I understand why people might be upset about this call. Many people who watch the Super Bowl, even those who watch football regularly, can be easily swayed by public opinion. And, yes, I might even be persuaded to agree that the call maybe needed to be ignored. But, I also explained up above how. Put yourself in that ref’s shoes. Really, honestly, think about it. See? We’re all human. And, honestly, it’s very large men playing a child’s game.

The Verdict

I enjoyed Super Bowl LVII. And, I enjoyed writing this Super Bowl LVII post mortem. I missed watching movies or television shows with my family. Especially as the kids get older, you get less and less of a chance of that. But, and not to get too personal here, we got through a lot as a family the last few years and came out stronger. So, those opportunities will present themselves again. I hope you enjoyed this version of the Super Bowl LVII post mortem and see you next year.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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Betting the Bowl 2023 Post Mortem *

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Introduction

I plan to give the post mortem of the actual game. But, you know how we do things around there. Instead of throwing out half baked ideas as soon as the game ends in order to receive early accolades, we throw out half baked ideas after a week so that our bad ideas rise above the cacophony and illustrate just how bad they are. So, first, I present our Betting the Bowl 2023 Post Mortem.

You may remember that I tacked on a betting article at the end of last week as a final preview of the Super Bowl. I got the idea from simultaneous emails that arrived from both Draft Kings and FanDuel telling me about their sportsbook apps opening up in Massachusetts soon. They are eager to take my money. Perhaps they should heed the warnings of this post.

Stupid Prop Bets

The only prop bets I found to discuss in that earlier article were the coin toss (truly a sucker bet) and the Gatorade color. Vegas apparently needed the money this year (see the above picture for commentary) because they dumped purple (purple?! purple?! really?! purple?! I’m just trying to win a damn bet! Shoutout to Jim Mora there.) Gatorade in victory. Maybe next year I will throw some of my windfall (shot up to 10000 fake dollars with my other bets) into more prop bets when the sportsbooks are actually live.

Single Dollar Bets

Even on these stupid bets I made up on the spot to try to ride on the coattails of Simmons, I cleaned up as you will see. Since I only put a dollar overall into the bets, I cleared less than a dollar profit, but you all can do that math. So, let’s do the math.

Most Sure Bet (confidence: high): If you bet the Chefs to win, Mahomes was MVP. I got a bit nervous at the end because Hurts went TF off and I looked at my father in law and said, “If the Chiefs win, can they give Hurts the MVP?” I mean, the guy deserved it. But, the 0.25 parlay paid 0.93 cents and I already made my money back. Cha ching. Lost as a result (0.05 for the Iggs equivalent and crazy 0.10 for Iggs/ Sweat MVP parlay).

Most Sure Bet (confidence level: irrationally high): 0.25 to win 1.75 for Kelce to score first. Chiefs won toss and deferred, so….

Throw Me a Frickin Bone! (confidence level: high): 0.10 to win 0.80 for Hurts to score first. All it took was a questionable call taking it away from Gainwell (16 to 1) and then that ridiculous rugby play to get him there, but 0.80 richer because of it!

Living on the Edge: 0.10 to win 0.08. I called this one wrong because I thought the Chiefs might put this one over in the first half. Turns out the Iggs and their ridiculous rugby play paid this one out in no time. I should watch more football if I’m going to bet on this stupid sport.

Sevens Heaven: Last 0.14 to win 0.13. Tossed this one in to get down to my silly penny parlay. Both teams scored in the first quarter. Easiest money ever.

So, keeping score, I bet 0.99 and made back a profit of 0.94. Pretty damn good if I say so myself.

Perplexing Penny Parlay

I came up with the idea of using my last penny to put together a parlay that, if successful, paid out over 100 dollars. Once I started putting together the bet, it became pretty easy to get it over 100. The actual bet paid out 133.90 (a. if successful and b. if it won)

Before I go on, let me say that I know how parlays work. And I know this one sunk from the get go. But, still, 5 out of 7 hits isn’t a bad percentage and I’d take that any time on single bets. I think next time I might play around with the format and increase it to 1 million dollar payout on a penny. bet. That might be pushing it, but I will get it as high as I can while still making the parlay reasonable.

The Verdict

My betting the bowl 2023 post mortem is mostly a positive. An almost 1:1 payout on basically 5 bets (as some auto failed on the success of others is pretty good. Also, I picked the last two winners and last two MVPs from this year and last year. I said to my father in law several times, my dad always told me not to bet on a game where the ball bounces funny and I intend to keep that line. Still, I had fun and can’t wait to be back next year bigger and better.

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Betting the Bowl 2023 *

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Introduction

Surely, you anticipated more being written about the big game this year. We gave it such an impressive title, after all. To be perfectly honest, until I got an email from both Fanduel and DraftKings this morning about their sportsbooks being available in Massachusetts soon, I planned no such update. But things move fast around here, and now I’m Betting the Bowl 2023.

Neither of the books is actually live yet. They legalized sports gambling in Massachusetts on my birthday, but I assume that the books in the state got some sort of dispensation to operate before the internet books get their chance. So, as of now, these bets are still only theoretical.

Stupid Super Bowl LVII Prop Bets

As they often do, Simmons and Sal inspired me a bit in this article, too. I listened to them as I half listened to online PD at work today. They mentioned how when they started the podcast, prop bets were still a novelty and not many existed. Sal said that one book listed over 2000 this year. A Google search only gets me about a dozen.

Quite possibly the dumbest bet is the coin toss. You’re either paying 5 dollars to be right or you are paying 105 dollars to be wrong. Both are equally stupid in my opinion. But, I saw they also have odds on winning the coin toss and winning the game. For both teams, those offer plus odds and some intrigue to the proceedings. Then again, if you put money on the coin toss in any bet, perhaps you need to call one of those numbers they advertise on the sites.

They also allow you to bet the Gatorade color. At least that requires some thought. Supposedly blue leads the last few years, but that seems unlikely given the two teams playing. If the Chefs win, they probably repeat orange (+250) from their previous win. The Iggs went with yellow last time. With a +350, you also get green on this bet. I think the best bet you can make every year is the over on the anthem. People always mug the anthem at the Super Bowl.

I expected this section to be longer. But, without access to an actual book, I encountered difficulty finding some of the wackier bets.

Single Dollar Picks

I also stole this idea directly from Simmons. But, while he makes million dollar picks, I thought it might be funny to have single dollar picks. I want to take a dollar, split it up among actual bets I might make before the game. Then, with a single penny, I want to try to put together a parlay that will pay over 100 dollars if it hits. This is how I’m Betting the Bowl 2023.

Most Sure Bet (but the ball bounces funny in this game): 0.25 to win 0.93. If the Chefs win, Mahomes wins MVP, so why not tack on the extra plus money. It just makes sense.

Most Sure Bet (even if the ball bounces funny): 0.25 to win 1.75. I call this one the “take out a second mortgage” bet. Kelce to score first.

Run It Back (who is the MVP if not the QB?): 0.05 to win 0.17. If the Iggs win (and anything is possible when Andy Reid Andy Reids it up) I’m not positive that Hurts is the MVP. But rarely does anyone but the QB win. More on that later.

I Got Nothing (who is the Iggs MVP?): 0.10 to win 36.08. I have no confidence in Hurts as the MVP. The Iggs could easily win with him having Roethisbergian numbers circa Super Bow XL. So, I went completely bonkers with this bet and wrote in Josh Sweat as MVP.

Throw Me a Frickin’ Bone! (I’m the regular season MVP!): 0.10 to win 0.80. Hurts, on the other hand, has good odds to be the first TD scorer.

Living on the edge (They converted one with Chad frigging Henne): 0.10 to win 0.08. -130 that over 1.5 4th down conversions are made. I think the Chefs hit that number before halftime and the odds reflect that.

Sevens Heaven (Unless they miss an extra point): 0.14 to win 0.13. Both teams score at least one touchdown in the first half. I needed something to throw the last 14 cents until I get to my penny bet.

Perplexing Penny Parlay

I thought of this idea as ridiculous. However, once I got going and putting in numbers, it actually became pretty easy to come up with a plausible parlay that pays out over 100 on a single penny bet. Here goes.

Chefs win (+105)

Mahomes MVP (+130)

Kelce First TD (+700)

Either team gets a 2 point conversion (+245)

Both teams score 30+ (+900)

Game goes into overtime (+929)

A single penny pays out 133.90 if this hits.

The Verdict

In all honesty, all of these bets are strictly fictional. I started keeping a spreadsheet with my bets starting with 1000 dollars. I fluctuated during the playoffs and came out ahead 6000 dollars during the Super Bowl. But, I’ll let you in on a secret from last year. Most of my bets from that Super Bowl came during the game and I lost a lot of them. Then, I cleaned up with a Rams win/Kupp MVP parlay. And, so Betting the Bowl 2023 exists only in fantasy right now.

*(Or, La Fiesta de la Super Bowl LVII Mas Grande, Part 2)

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La Fiesta de la Super Bowl LVII Mas Grande

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Introduction

I used many of the superlatives that I often use for the previous 2 rounds. For example, in the past, I wrote the Super Bowl Extravaganza. This year, I applied that title to the conference championship round. Yes, datear reader, not even we at 2 Generations Gaming are immune to the effects of power creep. And, so we arrive at La Fiesta de la Super Bowl LVII Mas Grande a week before the big game.

Honestly, though my interest in the NFL grew over the last few years, I think it peaked last year during the Chefs/Bills playoff game. Everything after that felt anticlimactic. Now, given the sour taste that both conference championship games left, I doubt I will even pay attention to the game this year. Nevertheless, I made a solemn vow to you, dear readers, and I intend to keep that vow.

Why I Want The Iggs to Win

As I Pittsburgh fan, I inexplicably hate everything having to do with Philadelphia. Never mind that, as a red blooded American, I love everything to do with my country, including Philadelphia. I find sports fandom and patriotism confusing and sometimes infuriating. In spite of all of this, I came up with this format for the article, and I intend to see it through to the (possibly) bitter end.

Honestly, I can only come up with one reason to cheer for the Iggs. Those of you who follow the page know that I went from hating the University of Alabama football team to openly and actively loving them all because of one man. No, not Jalen Hurts, though I can appreciate his story and wish him the best. Tua converted me from Bama hater to loyal subject. He’s like a modern day Jesus. But, given that Hurts played for the Tide and got Judased by Saban and Tua, I owe it to him to cheer his team on in the Super Bowl. Plus, I forgot all about Devonta Smith. Go Iggs!

On the negative side, the last play in the Bungs/Chefs game initiated a visceral reaction in me against Patrick Mahomes. I’m not saying that I don’t like the guy anymore, but with Brady “retiring”, I need a new heel to inject with my venomous hatred. Burrow, even though he qualifies by playing for the hated Bungs, is honestly too nice. Mahomes might be, too, but I can hate him tangentially with my overall NFL hatred.

Why I Want the Chefs to Win

I’m sorry, Patrick. I didn’t mean it. I just came up with an idea for an article and went with it. Sometimes things get out of hand. I love you and everything that you do. Except for some of those State Farm commercials. Some of those are just dumb.

And, honestly, how can you hate this?

So, like the Iggs, and virtually every other NFL team. the only reason to cheer for them is their quarterback. In a sport where all of the guys wear helmets and most of them toil in obscurity for their entire careers, the NFL finally figured out a way to give some faces to the names of their quarterbacks.

On the negative side here, my Pittsburgh heritage far outweighs any debt I owe to the United States of America, so eff Philly and eff their stupid football team. The entire city can fall into a sinkhole for all I care. I hope the Chefs bury you and your loved ones in a shallow grave in the Arizona desert. Woah, that got dark.

The Verdict

Again, those who follow the page know that I’m the only one in the house who even cares a little bit about this sport where the ball bounces funny. As a compromise, I came up with the idea to watch a movie franchise as a marathon during the Super Bowl. Of course, that year, my Steelers played the Cardinals, so I snuck away several times to check on the game. We haven’t chosen the series for this year, yet, but I know I will be cooking all day that day regardless of what we watch. La Fiesta de la Super Bowl LVII Mas Grande de Lucas-Mullen will feature many of the traditional Super Bowl appetizers with a Dad twist. Come on over if you don’t care a thing for the game.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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2023 NFL Conference Championship Post Mortem

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Introduction

I unintentionally ended up writing and posting this on the same day that Brady announces his retirement. In the text chain with Chris and Jason, I admitted to being a petty dick about the announcement. When Chris said it sounded genuine, I replied, “Well, good for him for coming to the realization a year too late.” And, then when Jason mentioned that Favre retired twice, I replied with a goat GIF and “Gonna break that record, too.” So, knee deep in all that salt, let’s get going on this 2023 NFL Conference Championship Post Mortem.

Gonna break that record, too.

There, now you can feel super cool like you are a part of our epic text thread. It’s a cool place to be. I refer to it more than once in this article, so the hits keep coming. Okay, enough self aggrandizing. Let’s dig into the fun from the weekend.

Iggs Bury 9ers (and their quarterbacks), 31-7

If you remember, I put together a fake future of the Bungs/9ers at the beginning of the playoffs. That bet looked damn good for most of the playoffs and then came crashing down in this game. I paid little attention to it until the aforementioned text chain brought news of every single 9ers quarterback getting injured. The texts made it sound serious, too. Then, the Iggs poured on the scoring. And, it got worse from there. Purdy ended up back in the game after what sounded like a very serious injury. No way for the season to end, but honestly, did you expect any differnt?

NFL Preserves Their New Golden Boy, 23-20

For most of the first half, it looked like the Chefs might have just enough to keep the Bungs at bay. Chris said something about them being a second half team and, sure enough, they pulled that horseshoe right out of their asses again and I feared I might have to listen to two solid weeks of Joe Burrow fellating. The Bungs left just enough time on the clock for Mahomes to do what Mahomes does. Then, the refs did what the refs sometimes do. I texted, “I like Mahomes, but that was a Premier League flop right there.”

The Verdict

Overall, chalk won this 2023 NFL Conference Championship Post Mortem. A bit boring from a gambling point of view, but I guess sometimes Vegas has to win, right? The old place is just falling apart at the seams, right, fellas? In any case, join us later in the week (probably Sunday since that marks a week until the game for our Super Bowl preview. I don’t have a witty superlative yet, but I’m workshopping a couple and will have a decision by this weekend.

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2023 NFL Conference Championship Extravaganza

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Introduction

Two weeks ago I simply wrote a “preview”. Last week, I wrote the Divisional Round “spectacular“. In the past, the Super Bowl was an extravaganza. For some reason, I upgraded this weekend to 2023 NFL Conference Championship Extravaganza. That means I need to come up with something even bigger for next weekend. Heck, power creep finally comes to 2 Guys Gaming.

At the beginning of the playoffs, I said, “I don’t want it, but I have a feeling that this year we see Bungs/9ers in the Super Bowl.” Now, here we stand, one game before that and it remains a very real possibility. I guess the only solace I take from that is my fake future bet still stands as a very real possibility. My father always told me to never bet the game where the ball bounces funny, but my fake bets the last two years tell me otherwise.

In the past, I wrote a blurb on my thoughts on each of the potential matchups. Since I woke up this morning and realized I never wrote this article, time prevents that. But I posted something on the 2 Guys Gaming Instagram and Twitter pages for each one.

Wrong football, but I got fake stacks and stacks.

9ers at Iggs, 3:00 pm

The only real question mark here is Brock Purdy. I nearly wrote his name as Blake Bortles and then Brock Lesnar. Even showing the success he has in his early career, I left the respect off his name. When I texted the group chat that I would ride Bungs/9ers, Jason mentioned that he thinks that Purdy comes back to being a rookie for this game. The Iggs are no joke, but neither is that Frisco defense. I think they Flacco this one like they did the Pokes last week.

Bungs at Chefs, 6:30 pm

Get used to this. Mahomes, Alllen, and Joe Cool rule the AFC right now and some combination of them in the AFC Championship is the new norm for at least the next 5-6 years. Of the three, Joe Cool gets the least accolades and adoration, but he beats the pants off the others when it counts. If Mahomes’ injury is real, then the Bungs wallop the Chefs. If not, I see a shootout similar to Bills/Chefs last year.

The Verdict

Quick and to the point for this 2023 NFL Conference Championship Extravaganza. I hope for Chefs/Iggs. The NFL doesn’t care much for what I think, so that means that my fake 9ers/Bungs bet pays off. Come back in a couple of weeks for our new and improved Super Bowl preview no matter who plays.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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2023 NFL Divisional Round Post Mortem

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Introduction

I found myself home alone on Saturday as the Chefs/Jags game started. So, I did what any red blooded middle aged American male would do. I listened to the Lumineers on vinyl, built a Lego Lamborghini, and watched the game. My wife and youngest came home from the swim meet during the game, but they went off to their own thing. I watched neither the Iggs/Gynts nor Bungs/BIlls because I knew how they’d end. Fittingly for the losing teams, a true 2023 NFL Divisional Round Post Mortem.

The Lambo in question. Pretty cool set.

I kept an eye on the 9ers/Pokes via Gamecast and the text chain with Jason and Chris. I even started to believe for a bit that maybe the Pokes could pull off the upset. Alas, glad they didn’t because my 9ers/Bungs fake future plus the parlay that I doubled up Sunday morning both still play.

Chefs and Mahomes Play Dead, 27-20

I texted Chris during the game, “Rut roh, Mahomes is hurt.” Then, Chad Henne came into the game and threw a touchdown pass. And, then, Mahomes miraculously came back to hobble/hop/skip his way through some bad passes and ultimately the gutsy win. Tape it, shoot it with painkiller, and get out there, Kid. The NFL won’t make billions without you.

Iggs Silence Gynts and “Sharps”, 38-7

I gave this a sentence or two in the preview. That’s all it deserves. But, my fake tease paid, so that’s nice.

Buffalo Buffalos it Finally, 27-10

I like Josh Allen. I like the city of Buffalo and the Bills. What I don’t like is being right about this team and what it does to my brain. I feel so badly for the city of Buffalo. Cigarette Smoking Man, if you’re out there, remove the curse please. I can’t watch this team rip out the hearts of their fans every year like this.

Pokes Buffalo It, Too, 19-12

Other than the aforementioned and ultimately false hope, and the weird score, I don’t care that much about Dallas or their football team or this game. Like I said, I doubled up on a Bungs/9ers fake moneyline parlay earlier in the day, so I hoped for a 9ers win. Other than that, just go away.

The Verdict

Early in the playoffs, I said how much I didn’t want to see a 9ers/Bungs Super Bowl. Then, on my fake bet sheet, I filled them out as the “likely” combination. With a hobbled Mahomes and an overconfident Iggs team, that might just pay off. Oh well, I never watch the game anyway, so what do I care? 2023 NFL Divisional Round Post Mortem in the books. Conference Championship Extravaganza coming up at the end of the week.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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2023 NFL Divisional Round Spectacular

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Introduction

In our coin flip post mortem, we worried about the Bills, hated the Jags, Bolts, VIkings, and GIants, and didn’t care all that much about the 9ers, Hawks, Bungs, and Rats. In a shocking turn of events, we liked the Cowboys more than any other team last weekend. I guess all I can say about that is, “Thank goodness Mahomes is back this weekend.” He is the only thing making this 2023 NFL Divisional round spectacular.

On that subject, Christine, Craig, Leanne, and I went to the UMass/UConn hockey game last night. The alma mater lost a heartbreaker, 4-3, in overtime. In spite of that, we enjoyed the game. And what does any of this have to do with Mahomes? Well, Craig and I caught up on our usual sport talk. And, he mentioned that he hated Mahomes. Wait, what? I might have to reconsider this friendship after all these years.

Besides, look at these seats!

Jags at Chefs, Saturday 4:25pm

As it happens, Mahomes plays in our first game. Most people think the Chefs roll. The NFL scheduling department clearly believes that, too. They put this as the Saturday matinee because they know the only people watching then are fans of the teams and the degenerate gamblers. Even though that’s not me, what I say next will give you pause. I put a fake 480 on a KC/Phi 6.5 point tease. Still, I plan to meet Christine and Quinn for dinner after his swim meet.

Gynts at Iggs, Saturday 8:15 pm

The sharps all like New York in this game. Other than the fictional money I just mentioned, I don’t care one way or another who wins this game.

Bungs at Bills, Sunday 3:00 pm

I worry again about the Bills this weekend. Like everyone, I want a repeat of Bills-Chefs from last year. However, as I said to Craig yesterday, while I like Allen, I hate him, too. He thinks he’s Mahomes. It doesn’t need to be said. Nevertheless, after that amazing analysis up there, I need to flesh this section out a bit more. So, let me definitively say, “Josh, sweetie, you are no Patrick Mahomes.” Stop trying to be. Play within your game and you will be fine against the Bungs. Because, if I get mothereffing Joe Burrow in the Super Bowl again, I hold you personally responsible.

Pokes at 9ers, Sunday 6:15pm

If I bet on this stupid sport, I’d put my mortgage on the 9ers in this game. They, by far, come into this weekend as the most complete and healthy (in spite of Jimmy G-sus) team. The Pokes defense, when they want to be, can absolutely smother teams. I don’t see that happening this weekend against San Fran.

The Verdict

Truly, only Mahomes makes this 2023 NFL Divisional Round spectacular. Craig said that any potential matchup next weekend is okay with him. I agreed last night, but must have been high on the potential of the hockey game. Today, in the light of a new day, I want Bills/Chefs and Iggs/Pokes. So, we are sure to get Bungs/Chefs and Iggs/9ers. See you next week for the post mortem and conference championships extravaganza.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2023 Post Mortem

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Introduction

Someone called us out on the page many years ago. They said it focused too much on pop culture and not enough on gaming. After that, I changed the tagline to reflect my “occasional pop culture musings”. During especially active times, that includes movie and TV show reviews. Mostly, I just cover major NFL and college events. One of my favorites ever year is the NFL Wild Card weekend, which I dubbed the Coin Flip Weekend. The NFL, as always tried to upsell us by attaching a “super to the beginning.” I refuse, so this is just a regular old NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2023 Post mortem.

Because, honestly, I found none of the games particularly compelling. I think the most controversial thing I texted all weekend was in response to the Bills-Fins game, “Another choke job in the making?” Buffalo played just well enough to avoid that, but I worry about my boy Josh Allen against the horseshoe up Cincy’s ass. More on that in the preview Saturday morning before the games. I forgot until the last minute about my annual previews of the playoffs. Fear not, fans of Flip! I included all of the prognostications in my post mortem.

This year, we upgraded Flip to a Greek coin, a Silver Tetradrachm Bactria bearing the bust of Eucratides. Blame random.org and my weird obsession with Greek things.

Frisco Spanks the Seachickens, 41-23

Prognostications: I picked Frisco. Flip had the 49ers by a count of 52-48.

I admit to thinking that Seattle might have a shot to pull off the upset. Then Brock Purdy things happened (and who knew at the beginning of the year that we would have Brock Purdy things happening in the playoffs?) and Frisco cruised. But they can never take the fact that Geno Smith outperformed Russell Wilson in a major way and reinforced my belief in NFL karma.

Jags Come Back On the Bolts, 31-30, and Shock the World

Prognostications: I foolishly backed the Bolts. Flip believed, 55-45.

Well, they shocked me. Okay, I woke up mildly surprised after catching up on the text chain and seeing the result of the game. You think I’d have more loyalty to the Jags. One year in fantasy football, riddled by injuries at the QB position, I rode Blake Bortles the last few weeks right to one of my two championships. But, like all of the AFC South (and honestly NFC South this year), the best I can muster is thundering indifference. Honestly, I wish we just sent them all overseas and try the NFL Europe experiment again.

Buffalo nearly Buffalos It Away Against the Fins, 34-31

Prognostications: I picked Buffalo in blowout. Flip split it 50-50 with the tiebreaker going to Miami.

A few years ago (maybe many at this point), Buffalo played against New England. They dominated the whole game only to see Golden Boy and the Pats come back on them in spectacular fashion. The game ended on a muffed special teams play and New England won. All I texted Chris was, “That’s why you’re Buffalo.” And, in spite of having a once in a lifetime talent at quarterback, they are still Buffalo.

Gynts and Vikings Forget Their Defenses, 31-24

Prognostications: I picked the Gynts, along with all of the other sharps. Flip gave the Vikings the edge, 51-49

While that score is not particularly high, this game featured almost no defense. Every time I looked up, one team or the other easily gained 15-20 yards and both teams scored seemingly at will. I mean, we all knew Minny was fraudulent all year, but did they have to prove it so convincingly in the playoffs? Ye gods.

Bungs Break Rats’ Hearts, 24-17

Prognostications: Both Flip and I leaned heavily for the Bungs. Him, 55-45

I picked the Bungs. I even put them into one of my fictional future bets to make the Super Bowl. For what it’s worth, I also threw together a long shot of Rats/Pokes that would have paid off my mortgage if it hit. Then, I tuned into the game and witnessed the mess that all AFC North games become and posted. “I’m rooting for the meteor.” Old rivalries die hard, ya’ll Then, I hoped on hope that 1st and goal from the 2 meant that the Rats would pay my mortgage. Alas, the Bungs somehow scored instead and I thought NFL Gamecenter might be drunk. It happens more than you think.

Pokes Get Revenge for Gisele, 31-14

Prognostications: Both I and Flip (54-46) knew Brady is old, but the old man still puts a spook in us.

I texted something about finally being vindicated because Rodgers missed the playoffs and Brady threw for less than 100 in the first half of this game. The “media” started caping pretty hard for the two old guys late in the season and I’m glad they both got theirs. Jason accused me of jinxing it, which I might have, but not even the powerful Lucas jinx can defeat Father Time.

The Verdict

The AFC gives us some potentially great games. The NFC returns serve with two potential ass whippings. I forgot the Coin Flip preview, but remembered the NFL Coin Flip Weekend 2023 Post Mortem. Hopefully that bodes well for the previews and post mortems for the remainder of the playoffs. Who knows, we might even get a cameo from the original USFL. What’s that? A teaser? Stay tuned and find out.

Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).

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December 2022 Hearthstone Battlegrounds Update

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Introduction

As you all know because you read my most recent articles, Hearthstone released a new card set. Blizzard brought us back to Northrend and one of the greatest fantasy story lines ever. The fall of Arthas still haunts my dreams. You all know what a sucker I am for story in video games. I assumed, perhaps wrongly, that this set came with an update to Battlegrounds, too. And, so, I planned to write a December 2022 Hearthstone Battlegrounds update.

Best laid plans, as they say. Spoiler Alert: No major new update to Battlegrounds ever came as a result of March of the Lich King. No new minion types or minions. No new quests. And, no update to the rewards track. I, and I assume most other players since I’m nowhere close to the top time played in this game, finished the track about a month ago. Now, I mainly play to finish the main weekly quest and advance that rewards track.

So, Nothing Then?

Not nothing, no. While I thought that the introduction of the “Undead” keyword into Hearthstone meant big things for the world of Battlegrounds, for now Blizzard kept them out of the game mode. I trust the developers and programmers, so I know they will eventually add them into Battlegrounds, but it’s curious that they didn’t as part of the new set release celebration.

What, then? A new undead hero to serve as a foil for The Lich King? Well, yes and no. Or, rather no and yes. They gave us a new hero. I played him the other day. He’s pretty fun. Technically, he isn’t alive, so you could argue that he fits the theme. Okay, I pulled a muscle stretching that metaphor. Okay, with little further ado, our new hero! *drum roll*

Yes, it’s true. Our intrepid new hero is Enhanc-o-Mechano. *cymbals crashing awkwardly* *a lone cough in the back of the room*

Yeah, a bit of a let down. But, along with this new hero comes a new quest reward. I admit to being underwhelmed by most quest rewards. I had a lot of fun with the one that gives your minions plus seven on stats, but they die after attacking. That took me to a first place finish a couple of weeks ago. Giving a hydra plus twelve stats in your hand every turn is fun, too, and figuring out when to finally play it adds some strategry. But, I think this one might be my favorite.

You can roll the usual bonuses; divine shield, windfury, and reborn are the most fun in that order. There’s also one that gives taunt, which pairs well with Leeroy and poisonous minions. Man, just talking about it makes me want to load up and play Battlegrounds even though I already finished my quest for the week.

The Verdict

Yeah, the December 2022 Hearthstone Battlegrounds update underwhelms for sure. I expected much more. Really, I just wanted them to add undead type to the game mode. That, alone, makes me sad. I hope you’re listening, Blizzard.