All posts by Noob of All Trades

Shawn Lucas is the self identified "Noob of All Trades". He is married and the father of three boys, two of whom help with their own podcast every couple of months. Raised on Atari, Nintendo, and Sega, he enjoys all games and will play all of them to the best of his ability, which is often average at best. Currently, he is most interested in Magic, Heroclix, and other games that he can play with Chris and his sons.

My Completely Ignorant NFL Preview (NFC)

(Editor’s Note: George McQuarters is still on his summer vacation. It must be nice to be retired. I know, I’m as close to retired as a person can be while still being employed, but we always covet what we can’t have. The grass is always greener than 2 bushes or something like that. As a result, we are going to take the seaon off from picking games and just give you my picks for the divisions an Super Bowl.)

TDLRGiants maybe?, Cardinals, Packers, Panthers. And because I'm a huge fan of schadenfreude, Giants over Pats to complete the trilogy sweep.

So, can we still call this article a preview when it is being published after week 2 of the season is already finished? This is my website and I’ll do what I want. Besides, the rest of it is still relevant. I’m no less ignorant than I was at the beginning of the season other than the fact that I know that the Steelers are 2-0.

A preview?  Two weeks into the season?
A preview? Two weeks into the season?

NFC East

  1. New York Giants – Remember when the NFC East was called the best division in all of football with the best rivalry games? Yeah, this is not that version of the National Football League. I’m picking the Giants by default because Chip Kelly will have his team gassed by game 3, Dallas lost Romo for a considerable part of the season, and Washington is cursed until they bite the bullet (pun intended) and change their name.
  2. Philadelphia Eagles – So, 9-7 could win this division and the runner up could be 6-10 or worse. I have no faith anymore that Chip Kelly can be a competent National Football League head coach. I was confident that the guy in Oregon was just keeping his clipboard warm until everything blew over, but Chip seems determined to make this thing work. All the best, Chip. Should have just taken your paddlin’ and you could have been the toast of college football uniforms.
  3. Dallas Cowboys – So, more fantasy football because nothing people love more than hearing about another person’s fantasy football woes. I had Gronkenstein the year that he blew out his knee. Last year, I had Tony Romo to start the season and he broke his back (or shoulder, something, whatever, what’s important here is that he was one of the reasons that I lost in week 2), so I started to think that the curse was alive and well. Turns out to be one of the best things to happen (get well soon, Tony) since I picked up Blake Bortles and rode him all the way to the title.
  4. Washington (redacted) – I think I wrote this two years ago, but I don’t understand why this stupid team just doesn’t change their name already. The fans will buy the new merchandise after grumbling for a little bit about honoring Native American heritage or some nonsense. That’s a windfall. Plus, after a few years, you can run throw back days and resell the old jerseys to make even more money. I’m not a marketing guy by any stretch, but this feels like a win/win.

NFC West

  1. Arizona Cardinals – I’ve kept an eye on Arizona since Larry Fitzgerald started playing for them. I also like that their field can be wheeled outside of the stadium to get sun. Other than that, I’m not sure that I have a reason to pick Arizona over Seattle for the division. Hey, it’s good to go out on a limb every now and then, right?
  2. Seattle Seahawks – Before the Seahawks started to get good again, I actually forgot that Seattle had a football team. I was sitting and talking with a friend about football and he said, “Seattle”. I replied, not joking, with “Seattle?” He said, “The Seahawks.” “Hmm, they’re still a team.” The Seahawks are good again, but some of the shine is starting to wear off of the turd and they’ll be back to relegation status soon enough.
  3. San Francisco – When your team is making headlines because your back up quarterback has started what could grow into a revolution (and just to be clear, I support his stance and actions) instead of on the field actions, it’s not a good omen for your team finishing high in the standings. I wish Mr. Kaepernick and his allies all the best, but the 49ers are going to stink on ice.
  4. Los Angeles Rams – So, the Rams got sick of their cute and young but vapid wife (LA), decided to try an older and more sophisticated woman (St. Louis) only to realize that wouldn’t work because she’s in love with another (baseball), and came crawling back to the bimbo who is now older and not as pretty (California is in the middle of record drought and wildfires). Hey, I suppose the prospects are better in LA, because you know she’ll get work done. Okay, I’ve taken this metaphor as far as I can.

NFC North

  1. Green Bay Packers – The Packers are the Pats of the NFC right now. As long as they have Rodgers (!) on the team, you can’t count them out for anything. Add to that the fact that this is one of those divisions where you can write off the other three teams sight unseen and this is an easy pick.
  2. Minnesota Vikings– I knew that Teddy Bridgewater was injured. I’m a little worried because I think the next quarterback on their depth chart might be Sean Salisbury and he’s a bit old to be playing quarterback. Then again, I also know that Adrian Petersen is still on this team (note: AD is now injured, too) and capable of carrying them to a .500 record.
  3. Chicago Bears – Da Bears…stink. I have an online friend who is from Chicago and his Facebook posts keep me in the loop when it comes to Da Bears and Da Bulls. His thoughts on the season are not positive, so I guess you could say that I’ve got a bit of insider information here. Worldwide leader, look out!
  4. Detroit Lions – Megatron retired in a very Barry Sanders like move. What does it say about a franchise that it’s brightest stars would rather walk away from the game that they love than be subjected to the misery of having to play on that team. I guess that one notable thing is that Detroit has joined Seattle as a team that I forgot existed. And, this one plays at least once on national TV every year.

NFC South

  1. Carolina Panthers – I admit it. I like Cam Newton. In spite of his NCAA violations (I will always side with the individual over the allegedly corrupt organization), dabbing and celebrating (I will always side with the victim over racists), and hissy fit at the end of the Super Bowl last year (we always want our athletes to be super competitive, except when we don’t), I think he’s a decent individual and a good quarterback. Keep on proving them wrong, Cam.
  2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – The Buccaneers have a strong running back and their quarterback is starting to get hype for something other than stealing crab legs from a local grocery store. They don’t have that dunderhead from Rutgers as coach anymore, so that’s a step in the right direction.
  3. New Orleans Saints – The Saints are back to the Aints again. Sean Payton just doesn’t seem to have the same fire for coaching since winning a Super Bowl and getting suspended for a season. Drew Brees is getting older and thinking about all of the commercials he’ll be able to do just like Peyton Manning.
  4. Atlanta Falcons – The Braves stink. The Falcons stink. The Hawks…are still a team in the NBA, right? Atlanta is starting to feel like the new Cleveland now that the Cavs ended the streak up there.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation (Part 2 – Console)

(Editor’s Note: Anyone else want to share? Oh, Noob, you’re not finished yet? Well, aren’t you the little chatterbox. Please, continue.)

I have played slightly more of a variety on console. Chris picked up a PS4 a couple of months ago and we played some MK and call of Duty on that. I enjoyed the latest MK and even had fun shooting at Chris and his stupid bot teammates. It actually made me consider getting one for myself, but then I remembered that it is summer and I only make enough to pay bills and go on five vacations. I know, I know. Feel sorry for me. If you feel badly enough, I can open a Kickstarter.

I have played a lot on the Wii U. While the boys and I haven’t continued our adventures in New Super Mario Bros. U, we did finally get a chance to rent Pokken Tournament. Unlike Pokemon Go, which feels like an extremely polished beta and fell slightly short of expectations, Pokken Tournament is everything I had hoped it woudl be and maybe even more.

That’s saying something. Pokken Tournament was one of my most anticipated games of the year. Under normal circumstances, a Pokemon fighting game would not excite me so much. I’ve seen too many of these offshoot type games come and go to know that the only reason they get any attention at all is because of the brand name. Nintendo, especially, is famous for green lighting extremely questionable games for their properties.

Remember Pokemon Dash? Of course you don---oh, you do? Well, then, I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry.
Remember Pokemon Dash? Of course you don—oh, you do? Well, then, I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry.

This is not one of those games by any stretch of the imagination. Instead of keeping the development of the game in house, they partnered with the makers of Tekken. Granted, the aforementioned Pokemon Dash was the result of collaboration with an outside company. However, there is a big difference between Namco and whatever out of business company produced that abortion of a game.

Oh, and before you accuse me of a love in with Namco and Tekken, I need to assert that Tekken is not even my favorite game in the technical fighting genre(?) Is that even a thing? Or, did I just make it up? I don’t know. It sounds like a thing. Let’s treat it like a thing because it makes the next paragraph that much easier to write and I don’t have to go into a long back story. Even though we all know that’s what I love and I pretend that you all love it, too, in an attempt to convince myself that it’s all worth it.

So, in what may be a first, a short explanation. Once upon a time, there were two polygonal fighters that revolved more around actual fighting strategy than throwing balls of fire at the opponent. One, of course, was Tekken. The other was Virtua Fighter. I don’t know if the games were meant to be direct competition to one another. But, that’s what we do as gamers. We bring competition where there should be none. After all, look at the Hearthstone phenomenon. Bazinga!

Oh, you've spent the entire game playing strategically and following a carefully crafted gameplan? Here, let me cast a bunch of completely random spells that invalidates all of that and reduces the game to a series of dice rolls and coin flips. Hmm, well played.
Oh, you’ve spent the entire game playing strategically and following a carefully crafted gameplan? Here, let me cast a bunch of completely random spells that invalidates all of that and reduces the game to a series of dice rolls and coin flips. Hmm, well played.

Well, in the great technical fighting game battles of the 1990s, I was firmly in the corner of Virtua Fighter. In fact, Virtua Fighter 2 is probably one of my top 10 games of all time. I say probably, because I haven’t actually ever extended my list officially to 10, but off the top of my head I can’t think of 5 other games that I like better. Hopefully that establishes my credentials as a non fanboy of Tekken. With all of that being said, Namco does make a decent fighting game and they did a heck of a job with Pokken.

They could have just made all of the Pokemon play the exact same and just give them different voices and one or two attacks that fans would recognize. They didn’t. All of the Pokemon play as different fighters with different strategies. This adds a variety and replayability because you want to try to master all of the different styles. The game also makes use of the buddy feature common to many fighting games where you pick a companion Pokemon to fight alongside your main character. Overall, a great game and I can’t wait to play it more and have a more detailed review in November when the boys and I cover the game for Pokemon month.

Pikachu, I choose you! ...to beat the crap out of other Pokemon!

Pikachu, I choose you! …to beat the crap out of other Pokemon!

Aside from my introduction to Pokken, I have actually been catching up (slowly but surely) on my XBox 360 list. I have advanced quite far in the story on both Fallout 3 and Skyrim. I haven’t even been using a walkthrough for Skyrim. Those who know me and have read my articles know that is quite the achievement for such an open world game. I still get distracted by the carrot on a stick side quests, but I’m moving right along. At this pace, I should be done with the main questline right about the time that they release the remake on the XBox One 360 Redux Master edition in 10 years.

Finally, of course, I played some Portal 2. The play through was nothing short of amazing and the game is still special to me. This time was more special, though, because they boys joined me for the journey. Both Liam and Aiden were able to get a kick out of the humor and Quinn was blown away by the sometimes twisted physics of the portal gun. I started an article about why I’m so attached to this game that I will play it time after time over other games that I haven’t yet finished. Maybe I will post it when I’m suffering one of my legendary bouts of writer’s block.

Well, that’s about it for my console summer. I still have two other articles to write about mobile games (where I’ve spent most of my time in the Digital Playground) and tabletop escapades. I haven’t done as much On the Tabletop, but I have gotten back into Magic and started to put together my Hordes armies, so there will be plenty of pictures. Until then, keep on gaming!

My Completely Ignorant NFL Preview (AFC)

(Editor’s Note: Two years ago I picked the playoffs at the beginning of the playoff season. I only got two games wrong, but one of them was the Super Bowl, so I was a last second interception away from getting that one right. I didn’t do as well last year and might have even been outshined by a coin that goes by the name of George McQuarters. Nevertheless, as with previous years, I have done almost no research for this article other than listening to the Sports Guy and Cousin Sal a couple of times on my commute and I saw one half of one preseason game.)

TLDR:Pats, Chefs, Bungles, Colts I guess?, And because I'm a huge fan of schadenfreude, Giants over Pats to complete the trilogy sweep.

AFC East

  1. New England Patriots – Yes, they have no Brady for the first four games. Sure, we just learned that Gronkenstein will be out for at least the opener. None of it matters. Never mind making a deal with the devil, Belichick is Satan himself and this team will continue to win 10+ games and own this terrible division for the rest of eternity. Eff the Pats.
  2. Miami Dolphins – Only because I can’t pick the other three teams in this division to be relegated to a lesser league similar to what the Premier League does, I have to put them in some order. The Dolphins played in the one half of one preseason game I watched and I still think Ryan Tannehill could be a decent quarterback with help. Unfortunately, the Dolphins are not equipped to make good football decisions, so he’ll be out of the league in a couple of years and they’ll be selling the ever popular rebuilding year that turns into a decade of misery. Even so, I’m pretty sure they can fake their way to 8-8 and the ever popular “we have next year”.
  3. New York Jets – Speaking of decade of misery. Sure, they had some successes with Fat Rex and the “Sanchise” (what a cruel joke that turned out to be), but overall it’s been just more irrelevance for yet another New York team. As a resident of Massachusetts, that should give me great joy. I’m a transplant, though, so the joy is vicarious through my father in law who cares much more about this sport than I do.
  4. BuffaloBills – I watched the “Four Falls of Buffalo” last year with a friend. It was sad and inspiring all at once. I grew up in Erie and, due to the NFL home team rules, we got all of the Buffalo games. I saw the whole thing unfold game by game and year by year. I also saw evidence of a fantasy football draft where a player took Tyrod Taylor on purpose. It clearly affected me in a profound way because I’m still talking about it and I can’t get the image out of my head.

AFC West

  1. Kansas City Chefs– Andy Reid is still the coach and Alex Smith is still the quarterback. But, I seem to remember that this team had a good defense and a good running back, even though I couldn’t name a single one of those players if my life depended on it. In the NFL of my and my parent’s youth, a good running game and defense won you games. I’m not sure about this hotsy totsy free wheeling version we have today, but when all else fails, misplaced nostalgia is always a good way to look stupid.
  2. San Diego Chargers – This is another division where the 3 teams besides the divisino winner are more or less interchangeable. Sure, they all wear different colors to distinguish themselves, but they are like those kids in the college aerial pictures where they all stand together to make something and moms everywhere swear they can see their kid. My point is, who the hell knows or cares who will be #2 in the AFC West?
  3. Denver Broncos – Because of our impeccable timing, the Broncos had already played and won their first game when this was written. It is being posted after all but the 2 Monday games have been played, but at least it is not the NFC article, which will be posted after all the first games have been played. Spoiler alerts abound for those in an alternate universe who are reading this one time. However, I have the sneaking suspicion that their 7th round quarterback won’t work out as well as another certain 7th round quarterback who shall remain nameless. The scourge has been lifted from the land and there is no reason to be the one to unleash it. Point is, Manning (even a terrible Manning) to what’s his face is quite the drop off and might take some time for success.
  4. Los Angeles (or are they back in Oakland?) Raiders – The Raiders are another successful team from my youth. As we saw with the bills, though, misguided nostalgia only goes so far and the ghost of Al Davis still haunts this team. Until they prove otherwise, I will just assume that they have drafted Darius Heyward Bey in the first round every year.

AFC North

  1. Cincinnati Bungles – I don’t have any compelling reason to pick the Bungles over the Steelers other than in an attempt to reverse jinx them. The Steelers were driving to beat the Broncos in the playoffs last year with a contest winner starting at running back and the Bungles did their best to lose their only playoff game…to the Steelers.
  2. Pittsburgh Steelers – The Steelers ahve gone from not even having a shotgun package in their offense when I was younger to running a spread pass happy offense with 2 of the top 5 receivers in the league. Oh, they also have a good running back. Even so, some of those guys get in trouble or injured yearly and that always keeps the team from achieving Pats like success. Oh well, it is still good to be a Steelers fan.
  3. Baltimore Rats – It’s certainly better to be a Steelers fan than a Rats fan right now. Even though they have “elite” quarterback Joe Flacco, they were terrible last year. I don’t see any indication that they have done anything to fix that this year.
  4. Cleveland Browns – It is always better to be a Steelers fan than a Browns fan. No more Johnny Football. Instead, they have a rejuvenated (again we’re going with this storyline?) RGIII. The only difference that I see is maybe their quarterback won’t post as many drunken Instagram photos. Will that translate into a better team? Hopefully not, because as a Steelers fan, it is too much fun picking on the Browns and their fans.

AFC South

  1. Indy Colts -How bad is the NFL when you can disregard nearly 90% of the league as a potential threat before the season even starts? What’s worse is that entire divisions can be ignored. Ever since Peyton left the Colts, that’s been the fate of the AFC South. Who cares who wins this division? They’ll just lose in the wild card round.
  2. Houston Texans – I spent 2 or 3 seasons on the Texans bandwagon. I kept thinking that they’d be able to ride their defense and a mediocre quarterback to a title similar to how Denver did last year. They never did and now I see why. They are simply one of the nameless, faceless AFC South teams, doomed to obscurity.
  3. Tennessee Titans – Seriously, does anyone actually know the difference between these teams? They remind me of the old WWF (wrestling, not pandas) jobbers that they’d trot out to face more established wrestlers to ensure that the storylines weren’t ruined before the big pay per view. The Titans are Iron Mike Sharp, Rest in Peace.
  4. Jacksonville Jaguars – Since nobody cares about these teams, I will just take this space to tell one of my long winded and maybe not so relevant stories for which I’m famous. While listening to Simmons and Sal, they both agreed that Blaine Gabbard (That’s not even the Jags QB name. He’s Blake Bortles.) is not very good at football. “Hey,” I shouted at my phone, “that’s my fantasy football championship quarterback that you’re demeaning there!” And, therein lies the allure of the league for 80% of fans.

Join me tomorrow (and pretend that we live in one of the alternate universes where the first week hasn’t happened yet) for the NFC portion of the preview.

What I did on my Summer Vacation (Part 1 – PC)

(Editor’s Note: Welcome back, class. Today, we will share what we did over the summer. Oh, Noob has his hand up, so we will start with him.)

Well, it’s September. Summer is winding down. My wife and kids all started back to school last week. I started back today. What better time than now to reminisce back and write one of those lame essays about “what I did this summer” that were always the first assignments in elementary and middle school. I’m actually writing four of these. This one will focus on PC gaming. Two others will talk about console and mobile games and the final will deal with my tabletop exploits.

I am starting with PC because it allows me to open with a long and meandering story that may more may not have anything to do with the overall point of the article. It is one of my favorite things about writing for the page.

I am currently restricted to my ancient Acer laptop after yet another electronics disaster. I have had computers get stepped on, tripped over, fall off of the couch and chairs, and one even fell down a flight of stairs. I sat on my tablet. I also dropped it out of my bag onto the parking lot after repairing the screen. That happened even though I got smart and started putting it into a case. Oh, but it wasn’t in the case because I took it out to clean the case and then didn’t have time to put it back in. What could go wrong? In that same parking lot, I watched as my month old phone got run over by a car. The point is that I have bad luck with electronics. I have bad luck with vehicles, too, but that is a different story.

If I was ever stupid enough to do this, I'm positive that this is how I would die.
If I was ever stupid enough to do this, I’m positive that this is how I would die.

This last laptop lasted me longer than any other one had by several months. I had no reason to believe that it would not continue to perform for months, if not years. Sure, I had to replace the screen and two hard drives, but the thing kept going. And then, one day, it didn’t.

That’s how it happened. It was working fine as I watched some stupid Hearthstone streamer as another. It was shaping up to be a fine day of relaxation. But, wait, what’s this? The computer does not appear to be charging. That’s okay. Maybe there’s a loose connection in the cord. No. Okay, well, I’ve had this problem before and it was just a quick solder job. I’ll pop on Youtube just to see how to disassemble–

Oh, my. Oh, well, that’s complicated. Okay, that’s fine. It won’t be a quick fix. Just take my time and it will be no problem. Well, to make a long story short (I know, too late!), you know that the story ends with the computer being non-operational. More specifically, I severed one of the ribbon cables. that might have been an easy and cheap fix, too, but by that point, the computer was in so many pieces that I just gave up. I’ve also learned my lesson. My next computer will be a desktop.

Just so we're clear, Twitch, I blame you.
Just so we’re clear, Twitch, I blame you.

So, as a result, I’m restricted to my old laptop that has somehow survived the five plus year purge of electronics. The thing is a tank. t overheads and is only really good for web browsing and word processing, but it works decent for those two things. That brings us, finally, to the reason for this lengthy explanation.

The laptop may not be able to run many of the Steam games I own. So far, it has been unable to download the card images for xMage with any reliability. Heck, it sometimes has trouble playing Twitch streams. One thing it can play, though, is Hearthstone.

Hello, Darkness (no, Hearthstone, that's it), my old frenemy.
Hello, Darkness (no, Hearthstone, that’s it), my old frenemy.

Chris will give me crap about this because the number of times that I’ve texted him to tell him that I uninstalled Hearthstone only to come crawling back. Heck, one of my articles just before the summer hiatus talked about my hate/slightly less intense version of hate relationship with the game. So, I deserve the abuse. All of that notwithstanding, the only PC gaming I’ve done all summer is Hearthstone. I can therefore report that, even though they’ve recently released a new adventure since the last time I covered the game, not much has changed.

In fact, the game has become even more face-centric and control decks exist only in legend, whispered by Mt players as proof that their game is superior. As a dyed in the wool blue mage, I consider myself among that group. The interaction of different archetypes and the ability to win games through different strategy on a consistent basis is what makes MtG a vastly better game. still, when I’m feeling SMOrcish and I just want to point that arrow at the opponent’s face, Hearthstone is there for me.

Old Gods, New Tricks?

(Editor’s Note: The 2 Guys Gaming have a hate/slightly less intense hate relationship with Hearthstone. I will try to keep that bias out of this article, but like the rage that I often feel after only a few games, it may infect the article in slow and steady waves until any semblance of joy is crushed under that weight of despair and hopelessness. How’s that for hype?)

I finally got so fed up with Hearthstone that I deleted it from my phone a couple of weeks ago. This is not a new reaction. I’ve deleted it from the my computer a couple of times and my tablet at least once. I say “at least once” because the game is not currently installed, but I have this strange habit of reinstalling the game a week or two after deletion. I can’t remember if I did that on the tablet or not. Ultimately, I suppose that it doesn’t matter other than several of you reading most likely have similar stories to tell.

It’s not like this phenomenon is unique to Hearthstone for me. I’ve written in the past that I have a similar history with another Blizzard game, World of Warcraft. I take extended breaks from that one, for as long as two years once, and periodically check in to see how the latest expansion has changed the game. WoW is different, though. I have a history and emotional attachment to the game that I don’t have with Hearthstone. Nevertheless, a new expansion was released for Hearthstone a little over a month ago and it brought me running back with promises of a new game play experience.

The game also promises tentacles. Lots of tentacles. I've seen enough of those kinds of movies to know where this is going.
The game also promises tentacles. Lots of tentacles. I’ve seen enough of those kinds of movies to know where this is going.

That’s not to say that I don’t have a history with Hearthstone. I was part of the last wave of closed beta invites after they made the announcement that they were not going to wipe accounts. Granted, I’m a completely free to play account, but if you started playing today, I have a considerable head start in terms of collection. Skill and determination? Maybe not so much. I suppose that none of this is entirely relevant to the point of this article than to draw comparisons and provide a little background. So, then, what is this elusive point of this article? Well, as I mentioned, Hearthstone released an expansion and I’ve come to report what’s changed.

I’m sure by now that you’ve read dozens of articles about the new expansion. As usual, I’m going to try to give a different perspective. If you’re like me and not great at the game, sometimes prone to fits of rage due to the random nature of it, and slightly embarrassed by that second fact, is there any reason to return to the game for Whispers of the Old Gods? Well, the short answer is no.

In general, I like to start with the bad news. But, since I’m making the argument against spending your time and potentially hard earned money on Hearthstone, I will start with the good this time. Yes, in spite of my overall negative attitude about the game, I can still find some positives. There have to be reasons that I keep coming back other than force of habit and addiction. Right?

Yo, y'all got more of that Hearthstone? I'm just asking for a friend.
Y’all got more of that Hearthstone? Just asking for a friend.

Free Packs! (Plus a somewhat worthless Legendary card)

Blizzard isn’t helping the case against addiction. They give you 3 free packs for logging back into the game. You also get a copy of C’Thun, a legendary card. While that might seem impressive, C’Thun is unplayable by himself and requires other cards to buff it into a formidable adversary. But, hey, this is the plus part of the article (and there’s not many plusses, so we’ll keep it positive as long as possible).

You also get two dorks that buff C’Thun, so it’s a start. As two final rewards, if you can get a total of 9 Standard wins (not an easy feat, especially if it is during the try hard portions of the season), you can get 10 additional packs. Hey, it’s something if you can stitch together the wins. Plus, free is free, so it’s worth a shot.

A “Wild” New Mode to Play

The real reason for this update on a game that neither one of us plays or likes all that much is that it, at least nominally, fundamentally changes the way the game is played. Noticing that both the stagnation of the meta and power creep were becoming very real, Blizzard introduced Standard mode and limited the card pool.

I’m not entirely sure how the sets rotate with each new season. Thankfully the program keeps track of all of that for noobs like me and I don’t have to spend brain power. After all, I am a little slow. I have to periodically checkhttp://whatsinstandard.com/to keep up with MtG Standard.

All of that aside, I’m much more of a Legacy player when it comes to card games. I just don’t like limiting myself to the latest few sets. Give us the most powerful cards in the game and let’s go at it. Blizzard calls this mode “Wild”. Aside from the silly (but accurate because I’ve seen some crazy decks) name, it give me an opportunity to continue to use all of the OP cards that I’ve grown accustomed to playing during my time in Hearthstone.

Seriously, does this guy even need a caption? Played in every deck for ever and always drawn on curve.
Seriously, does this guy even need a caption? Played in every deck for ever and always drawn on curve as long as you aren’t me.

Okay, that’s the good news…

Blizzard Balance

People often ridicule Blizzard’s ability to properly balance their games and with good reason. Every round of buffs and/or nerfs in their games either creates a class of super powered beings or renders another group so inept as to make you wonder how they don’t kill themselves with their own weapons. Often, they accomplish both in the same update.

I wasn’t around for the initial rounds of balancing cards, so I’ve never seen a card buffed, if it has indeed ever happened. I have seen some nerfs that have taken cards from staples to unplayable, though. The latest round of cards to be changed reads like a newspaper article about a massacre of a bus load of orphans after they all survived the bus crashing into a fireworks store. All of them were necessary, even if some of them were strange. My goodness, Blizzard wound up and swung for the fences with that nerf bat.

Won't someone please think of the orphans?
Won’t someone please think of the orphans?

In addition, this set introduced new cards, of course. However, the power level of some of those cards is in question. Hearthstone doesn’t experience the same buff/nerf cycles of WoW, but it certainly sees its share of the nerf bat followed by unexplained release of more OP cards. I suppose that the thinking now is that they will only be live for one season, so it isn’t as bad. Honestly, who the hell knows what Blizzard is thinking half the time?

Your new doctor. Or, should I say doctors. 3 mana to call one of them by random, so of course it is 8 mana to get all 3. *shrug*
Your new doctor. Or, should I say doctors. 3 mana to call one of them by random, so of course it is 8 mana to get all 3. *shrug*

About that Meta Shift

Blizzard talked a lot about how the meta had become stale and that Standard would fix that by limiting the pool of cards, which is a logical leap that I can’t make. Sure, at the beginning of the season, things will adjust a bit as people test new cards. Then, once they’ve found the ones that work, they will fit them into the old deck archetypes that have already been established.

That’s exactly what happened this time. Some “new” decks have surfaced, but they’re really just old decks with tweaked strategies thanks to new cards. However, the top playeddeck is still zoo Warlock because being able to draw 2 cards and flood the board every turn is good. Who knew, right?

The Verdict: The update hasn’t changed much. The Standard meta is still full of brainless face decks. Wild is only slightly more varied, but I have seen some interesting stuff in there at least. I haven’t played Arena yet, but that place is always random, so if you’re looking for a challenge and some weird stuff happening, I guess you can always see how that’s changed. Though, a recent unscientific poll revealed that Mage, Paladin, and Rogue are still top selections, so I guess it’s a “more things change” scenario all around.

Earth’s Mightiest (and Miniest) Heroes!

(Editor’s Note: We actually made it through this article without infringing on Stan Lee’s Excelsior copyright. It hasn’t yet had the intended effect of getting sued by the Generalissimo, so maybe we’ll just drop that and try to get famous the old fashioned way. Then again, the well behaved rarely make history, so… Excelsior, fellow Marvelites, and tally ho into the world of Herocilx!)

Imagine, if you will, a future in which the entire Marvel Universe was put into Ant Man’s shrinkerator, or injected with shrinking serum, or however it is that he is making himself so tiny in this iteration of the character. Then, suppose that you could freeze those tiny heroes in a pose that best captures their character. Finally, what if you could then make those mini super powered beings team up, fight, or do whatever you wanted them to do. How cool would that be? Maybe not cool at all for them, but really cool for us. Well, wonder no longer, because we live in that future!

You can almost hear him screaming, "This monster has trapped me in this (admittedly cool) plastic model. Please, release me. Vengeance must be served!
You can almost hear him screaming, “This monster has trapped me in this (admittedly cool) plastic model. Please, release me. Vengeance must be served!

The Gamer Bros and I talked about Heroclix in the latest episode of Noob and Sons. Chris and I talked about it on the main show, too. We’ve both written articles about our experiences in the game. When introduced to it, I never thought that this game would become one of my most played and discussed. But, the gaming gods work in mysterious ways.

When Chris and I played, we were both overwhelmed by the sheer number of rules and interactions. Now that I’ve researched other miniature games, I understand that rules and interactions are par for the course in the genre. Moreover, those who are interested in such games actually prefer having all of those rule. I don’t mind having all the rules. It is a trade off for having such a dynamic game environment.

However, one of the times that Chris and I tried to play was later at night and I just could not focus well enough to finish the game. Also, that rule set can be intimidating and scare off new players. That is the reason that I’m focusing so heavily on the rules in this article. I tried playing the game with Aiden when he was younger because he was the first to buy the figures. He had to play with a greatly reduced rules set just so that he could enjoy himself. Lesson learned, I suppose. these games are not for the weak.

You hear that, you *bleep* *bleep*.  This game isn't for *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*.  You better get your *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* in *bleep* shape or you will get *bleep* in your *bleep* *bleep*.
You hear that, you *bleep* *bleep*. This game isn’t for *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*. You better get your *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* in *bleep* shape or you will get *bleep* in your *bleep* *bleep*.

Still, the games with Chris inspired me to play more. It was during Christmas break, so I only had the boys as partners. Even though they are both older, I don’t think that they have the patience for the actual rules. Heck, as we’ve seen, I barely have the patience sometimes.

I looked up ways to play more than two players. The version I found most intriguing was called “King of the Hill”. You mark off a 3 by 3 (or maybe 4 by 4) area in the middle of the map, designate 4 potential starting zones and the teas battle to be king of the hill. We awarded points based on the number of characters on the “hill” during our first game. That turned out to be neither fair nor representative because larger teams with more characters received a potential disproportionate number of points. In an attempt to fix that, we recorded the point values of the characters in the “hill”. The effect of this was actually two fold. First, it gave all teams access to the maximum number of points. Second, it added strategy to the games in that you wanted to target the higher value opponents and keep them off the “hill”.

The other consideration when playing with the boys is the actual rules of the game. I already discussed this aspect a little bit. From movement to special powers, line of sight to push damage, the rules set of any miniature game is overwhelming. Heroclix, because it is geared to a younger audience is less so. Still, there is a ton of information to process each turn. We eliminated all special powers in the first game. Chris and I spent most of our time looking up the powers on our phones and computers, so that one step eliminated most of the idle time and made the game faster.

[in an unexplained British accent]:  But, without my powers, I am just a pretty blonde muscular guy with a big hammer.  Then again, I suppose that isn't all bad.
[in an inexplicable British accent]: But, without my powers, I am just a pretty blonde muscular guy with a big hammer. Then again, I suppose that isn’t all bad.
We played with powers in the second and third games. By then, though, I had played enough that I knew most of the powers and the rest only required a quick reference check to remind myself. The only thing left was to tackle the somewhat convoluted movement rules of the game. I’m a bit ashamed to admit that I don’t fully understand how actual movement is supposed to work each turn, so we simplified that, too.

Each character got one move or attack per turn. You could take “push” damage to give the option of a second action on any character. This method improved the flow of the game and kept the action at appropriate comic book levels. As I said, I don’t fully know the actual rules, so I’m not sure how different our version is from the official. I do know that it worked for me and the boys and Chris is open to trying them, too, the next time we play.

Now that we’ve worked out the things about the game that we didn’t like, it is a fun game. We have been busy and not able to play at all since the games at Christmas, but summer is coming and we will have more time. Who knows, as we play more, maybe we’ll go back to the actual rules of the game. Probably not, though, because I like our version.

Also, I'm not usually one to respect the rules.
Also, I’m not usually one to respect the rules.

Still Plumbing After All These Years

(Editor’s Note: In anticipation of–finally and yes, really!–the triumphant return of the Noob and Sons podcast, we celebrate our final Mario Monday, in true 2 Guys Gaming fashion, on a Tuesday. Hey, we finally talk about Luigi in this article, so we call it a Two for Tuesday.)

Yes, Luigi, you finally get your day in the sun. I couldn't, with good conscience, continue to ignore you in favor of your brother. People were starting to get worried that you might hurt yourself.
Yes, Luigi, you finally get your day in the sun. I couldn’t, with good conscience, continue to ignore you in favor of your brother. People were starting to get worried that you might hurt yourself.

Well, we’ve gone from the beginning, through the spinoffs, and landed safely in a new dimension. Our travels take us finally into the current–though with us that always means not so current–generation of Mario and Luigi games. We will focus most on Wii U, but I do want to touch on (pun intended) a DS game with Luigi’s Mansion Dark Moon and continue to analyze the DS versions when discussing the other titles.

I think that we can forgo the facade that we are doing this for any reason other than to play games. There will still be analysis of each game, but the page is called 2 Guys Gaming. We need to be true to the name and spirit of the page.

Luigi's_Mansion_Dark_Moon_(Boxart)

We start with a Luigi game finally. Sure, he’s been in some of the other games we’ve covered, but this one is all him. We already talked about this one in the first (and only released so far) episode of the Noob and Sons podcast. I think I also wrote a companion article back then, too.

I stopped playing the game when I got stuck on the clock part where you have to defeat 12 (or maybe more) consecutive waves of ghosts. I really need to go back to finish the game. Life is just too short to deal with frustrating games. I uninstalled Hearthstone from my phone for that same reason. Even so, LMDM is a fun game, so I need to endure the frustration for the time that it takes to beat that part. Liam assures me that it is the hardest part of the game and the rest of the game should go without a problem.

I certainly hope so. In addition to al of the bargain bin games that I have sitting in the closet and my Steam library unplayed, I also have an ever increasing number of unfinished games. I need to start checking those games off so that I can attempt to get value out of the games that I haven’t even opened yet.

Super_Smash_Bros_for_Wii_U_Box_Art

To continue with the theme of spinoff games before getting to the discussion of how Nintendo has kept the gameplay of run and jump fresh for decades, we will talk about the Super Smash Bros series next. I knew of the games, but I’d never played them before last year. Then, Santa brought a Wii U with the game included and I really had no choice. I suppose that it could have gone in the “never been played” pile. Heck, so many other games are there and it grows by the day.

The boys made sure that wouldn’t happen by asking me to play the game with them. It is impossible to say no to your children when they ask to share something that you are passionate about. So, we played a couple of games, but it isn’t a game that excites me. That’s a little strange, because I like all of the characters in the game and I enjoy fighting games, but it’s not two great tastes that taste great together for me.

There’s obviously something to the game. They wouldn’t keep making them and people wouldn’t keep playing them if there wasn’t. Having seen streams of the game, I suspect that it is a competitive scene similar to Hearthstone. People watch players who are very good at the game and play it only to discover that they aren’t as good at the game.

Super_Mario_Maker_Artwork

I’ve also written about this game at least once previously, maybe twice. What makes this game unique among the games on this list is that I’ve never played it. Unlike other games that I haven’t played, it isn’t time nor a lack of interest that has kept me off of this one. In fact, of all of the new Mario games that have been released over the last 10 to 15 years, this is the one that has me most excited.

Some of my favorite games have utilized some form of creative content. One of the first games that really hooked me to an extent that I wanted to play it to the “end”, DOOM, allowed players to mod the game and even build new levels. Heck, at least one of those mods became a new game series in HEXEN and its sequel. More recently, I purchased the PC version of Minecraft because the boys told me that there are mods available for the game. Some of them do the same thing that they did for DOOM and change the game in fundamental ways. More on that in a few months when we talk about Minecraft on the podcast.

I don’t think that Mario Maker allows you to fundamentally change the game. Nevertheless, giving players that power over the history of the Mario franchise opens up so many possibilities. Granted, this assessment is made from total ignorance because I haven’t even watched videos of the game in action, so when I finally do get to play it, I will be completely spoiler free. Hopefully that happens soon as I ordered the game from Gamefly but then the game I sent back seems to have gotten lost in transit.

nsmbu

I often make the statement that all Nintendo has to do is release a new Mario, a new Zelda, and a new Metroid and I will buy the system. Really, though, all they have to do is release a new Mario game and I will get the system. The other two games are just icing on the cake. Mmm, cake. I’ll be right back.

Well, there’s no cake in the house and I’m too lazy to go to the store to buy some. So, back to the discussion of the game. After showing everyone how to make a proper 3D game with Mario 64, Sunshine, and Galaxy, Nintendo has gone back to what made Mario popular in the first place. 2D sidescroller games with the option to play 4 players. The boys and I have played through the first few levels in the game and I can say, without question, that it is as much fun as it was all those years ago. Heck, it might be even more fun because I get to share it with my kids now.

The Mario character is 35 years old this summer. He has outlived Atari, Sega as a console maker and his primary nemesis Sonic the Hedgehog, and shows no signs of slowing down. Just when you think that Nintendo can’t possibly get more from such a simple idea, they surprise you. Other than the 3D games, the franchise has never undergone a major redesign and, still, it remains fresher and more fun than at least half of the franchises out there today. Can’t wait to see what they have in store for us in the years to come.

A New Dimension

(Editor’s Note: We have two Mario Mondays that we’re celebrating this week to make up for last week’s miss due to the holiday and school vacation. Isn’t that crazy?! Well, to make it even more crazy, we’re celebrating this first Mario Monday on what should be Wario Wednesday!)

As “processing power” (whatever the hell that is) increased, programmers took advantage of that increase by pushing games into the third dimension. As with most change, even those int he name of improvement, the journey into 3D was met with mixed response. While most gamers today will argue that 3D gaming as the standard is a good thing because it provides for so many possibilities and a wider variety of games, at the time older gamers were unsure about the change.

I mean, I understand some of the consternation. We went from talking about number of bits and colors to number of polygons and real time physics. DoA and the beach volleyball game introduced even another type of physics, but I will leave it to you to Google that one as it is slightly NSFW. No matter the controversy at the time, 3D was here to stay.

Or, just take a look at the cover of the game.  Think about it...only for a second.  Don't overthink it.  Yep, you got it.  Now, feel free to Google your brains out.
Or, just take a look at the cover of the game. Think about it…only for a second. Don’t overthink it. Yep, you got it. Now, feel free to Google your brains out.

In keeping with the theme of Mario Monday (on Wario Wednesday and a week late!), we will explore how adding this 3rd dimension affected Mario games. Maybe we can talk about what 3D Mario does better than 2D. Perhaps we will discuss if, and how, the 3D could have been done differently or better. Mostly, in keeping with our other tradition of the month, we will simply use it as an excuse to play some great older games.

Super Mario 3D Land/World
Super Mario 3D Land/World

More recent (not the most recent, as I will discuss them more in the next article) Mario games have taken what was great about the early games and brought them into the third dimension. Unlike the other games I cover in this article, these games aren’t complete reworks of the mechanics of Mario.

Instead, they imagine how the old school Mario platformers might play if you were able to turn into the screen instead of just traveling left and right. You have full 3D range of motion, but are still restricted to a mostly linear path. The result is an interesting and unique experience unlike anything offered in most other Mario games.

The Verdict: A unique Mario experience, but I’ve seen 3D platforming done better in other titles.

Super Mario Galaxy
Super Mario Galaxy

A friend texted the other day to sing the praises of this game. It, along with the sequel, are the last two games that present Mario in a completely 3D pseudo sandbox game. Galaxy does give full range of movement, but it is not as immersive of a world as GTA or Red Dead Redemption.

I don’t expect Mario to follow directly in their footsteps. I don’t even know how such a game might work. Part of Mario’s charm is the limited levels that provide immediate gratification when you complete them. So, I’m glad that they kept that part of the games intact. With that being said, the Galaxy games do more with 3 dimensions than any game.

The worlds are contained on spheres and you travel from one to the next in x, y, and z (for you no math people, that’s front-back, left-right, and up-down). Sometimes you luach yourself through the air. Sometimes you free yourself from the “gravity” of one of the microplanets to fall to another. In both cases, the effect is nothing short of magical.

The verdict: Full range of motion makes these games more interesting and fun than other sandbox games in spite of the comparatively limited size of the worlds.

Super Mario Sunshine
Super Mario Sunshine

For some reason, this is one of the least popular Mario games. I’m not sure why, but I suspect that it is because of the different gameplay. In addition to the normal run and jump, mario had a water cannon mounted on his back that allows for all manner of different abilities. It allowed you to reveal secret areas, defeat enemies, and even fly for short distances.

As I discussed, gamers can be the most sensitive when it comes to changes. Any time Wizards of the Coast updates their band and restricted cards, players invariably complain. More recently, Blizzard updated Hearthstone to include a standard mode. You’d have thought that they required players to pay a monthly subscription to remain in the game. While I think that the entire concept of Hearthstone is ridiculous, people enjoy it and the concept of standard is necessary for the health of any card game.

The point of it all is that gamers complain about every change, no matter how small, benign, or even necessary it is. So, it’s no surprise that Mario’s water cannon met with mixed reaction, to put it mildly. Many people hated the idea. What I find funny about that is that it is a logical step between Super Mario 64 and Galaxy. Not content with a 3D world, they pushed the envelop to allow players to more freely move around in the up and down direction.

The verdict: A fun game with slightly different gameplay that wasn’t appreciated in its time. Actually a decent step forward in the evolution of 3D games.

Super Mario 64
Super Mario 64

At the time, this was the greatest game that I had ever played. I wasn’t alone in that sentiment. So many people loved the game for so many reasons. Even today, it remains my favorite Mario game and the first game that I beat to 100%. I had to cheat on a few of the trickier star pieces, but I still got it done. Heck, I even launched myself onto the roof to meet Yoshi.

I purchased an N64 strictly for this game. Sure, I owned other games, but this is the one that sold me the system. It took everything that we loved about Mario and brought it into the brave new world of three dimensions. Unlike the 3D World and Land games, the worlds were immersive and worth exploring beyond just the linear path. That same immersion makes up for the fact that it doesn’t offer the same full range of 3D motion that Galaxy does.

The verdict: In my opinion, still the best Mario game ever made. A great marriage of the old and the new makes for a great experience.

The Legend Grows

(Editor’s Note: Join us in our second installment of Mario Monday!)

Last week on Mario Monday, we explored his evolution from supporting Jumpman to main character of his own line of successful games. This week, we continue with an analysis of some of the games from other genres that star everyone’s favorite plumber.

Oh, jeeze. Oh, Luigi, I didn't know you were there. Oh, Man, this is getting awkward.
Oh, jeeze. Oh, Luigi, I didn’t know you were there. Oh, Man, this is getting awkward.

maybe we will talk about how innovative, inventive, or inspirational the games were. Perhaps we will discuss how the games either created or changed their respective genres. We can explore some of the other games that owe their existence or success to Mario offshoots. Because, honestly, this real reason we’re doing all of this is to play more games.

Dr. Mario
Dr. Mario

My first experience with Mario outside of his strange platforming universe was Dr. Mario. I bought (or got it for Christmas) a Game Boy to play the more traditional Super Mario Land. not a bad version of the game, but the limitations of the system are painfully evident. The Game Boy came bundled with Tetris. Thankfully, that is one tradition that has come back into favor. Who the hell wants to buy a game system just to stare at it? Give me some games, you cheap asses. But, as usual, I digress.

Innovative, inspirational, inventive? At the time, and only having really played Tetris in comparison, I don’t know that I’d call Dr. Mario any of these things. It follows in the footsteps of Tetris by dropping puzzle pieces from the top of the screen and it still revolves around groups of four to take things off the board.

Genre changing or creating? Seeing as how I compared the game to an earlier game in the genre (Tetris, still the most well known and arguably the best puzzle game ever), Dr. Mario did not create a genre. I don’t even think it can be argued that it changed the genre all that much. They changed the game a bit by making the pieces pills and involved clearing certain elements from the board, but as we saw earlier, even that owes it’s existence mainly to Tetris.

The Verdict: A fun, if not necessarily new game in the genre that offered me and my friend Kevin endless entertainment when in high school. If you are looking for more genre defining games, check out any number of the mobile match three games available.

 

Mario Party
Mario Party

I don’t remember if Christine got me a Nintendo 64 for my birthday or if it was just the last time I remember her being interested in video games. Lately, she seems to have infected with the “MOM” virus when it comes to video games and thinks that they just serve the purpose to rot people’s brains. Either way, I picked up Mario Party because it was one of the multiplayer games that interested me and we played it a few times but ultimately decided that it would be more fun with even more people. Being only mildly interested in interacting with society, we didn’t have those people in our lives, so Mario Party hasn’t been a big part of our lives. Maybe now that we have kids, we can help to cure her of “MOM”.

Innovative, Inspirational, Inventive? As much as Mario followed in the footsteps of Tetris to become a doctor, the same cannot be said in any way for Mario Party. The concept of trying to market board games to a younger audience is not new. However, Mario Party put a new spin on this old genre by almost folding the elements that make Mario unique into a board game to create a weird amalgam that works in spite of the fact that it probably shouldn’t.

Genre changing or creating? I wouldn’t say that it changed the board game as video game genre, since most of them still basically just take the board game and try to recreate it as a video game. Sure, they add new animations and sounds, but that was most likely inevitable. I will say that this game and the more narrowly focused Wario Ware are almost a genre to themselves.

The Verdict: If you have a bunch of people over and want something other than Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit, toss in Mario Party whatever number they’re up to and, not to put too fine a point on it, have a party.

Mario RPG
Mario RPG

I don’t think that I ever played that version of Super Mario RPG. I remember it being released and thinking that it was a cool idea at the time. For some reason, though, that never actually translated to playing the game. I think at the time, I was more interested in the Sega Genesis because it offered Mortal Kombat with blood. Ah, to be young and dumb again.

Innovative, Inspirational, Inventive? Having not played the original, I can’t speak as to how different that one was from traditional games in the genre. I have played the GBA version of the game, which I guess isn’t quite the same game, but uses elements from the RPG game and Paper Mario (thanks again, Wikipedia!). In that regard, the game succeeded much like Mario Party. It blended elements from traditional Mario into a different genre of game.

Genre changing or creating? Given such a diverse collection of games in the genre, it is difficult to change the genre as a whole. With that being said, Super Mario RPG and its official and unofficial sequels are different from most of the games that came before. They still have the traditional level system and powers as those games, but the addition of Mario mechanics, at least in the version that I played, add to the game and make it more fun to play in some ways that traditional RPGs.

The Verdict: the Super Mario RPG version of the games offer a new enough experience that they definitely have a place alongside some of the greats like Final Fantasy. I’m not saying the games are as the Final Fantasy games. If you want an introduction to RPGs and love Mario, definitely play these games.

Mario vs. Donkey Kong
Mario vs. Donkey Kong

I think that I’ve mentioned before that the Game Boy Advance is still my favorite mobile platform, even with all of the amazing games available on tablet and phone. What can I say? I think I’ve also said that I’m a “things were better in the old days, get off my lawn” old guy when it comes almost anything, but especially gaming.

Innovative, Inspirational, Inventive? Definitely innovative and inventive, possibly inspirational? The main game has similar game play to the original Donkey Kong, but they tweaked it and added a puzzle element to the game. By itself, that would be enough. They also added new enemies and traps to the game to make it feel like an entirely new game. I don’t know if I can say inspirational because I don’t know of another game like it.

Genre creating or changing? I’m not even sure what genre to classify this game. I suppose it is a puzzle game and that’s what I called it up there, but it also has elements of platformers, too. So, I guess it created the platforming/puzzle cross genre, but it might be the only game in that genre. We oldbies remember Lemmings. Also, is Braid similar? I’ve never played that one. Oh, Toki Tori, too, but I might be the only one that played that game. So, maybe it did create a genre after all.

The verdict: Of the offshoot games (other than the best for last next game to be discussed), this one is the most fun and entertaining as a single player experience. Sure, Mario Party offers a better multiplayer mode, but if you’re only in the mood for a party of one, then this is your game.

Mario Kart
Mario Kart

True story confession time: I might be a filthy casual when it comes to gaming, but I do have my moments of hardcore (or at least semi-hardcore) every now and then. I rented Mario Kart Wii. It might have been from Gamefly, but I think it was actually a legitimate game rental store because we got at least one of the steering wheels. I was playing the game against Liam and I put some oil on the stove to heat up. You may know where this story is going. Well, the oil reached the flash point, caught on fire, and started melting the microwave. We freaked out, called the fire department, and lived with my in laws for 2 weeks while they cleaned our house of the mess.

Innovative, Inspirational, Inventive? Well, it’s not really any of these things necessarily. At the same time, it is all of these things. Does any of that make sense? Of course not, but neither does almost burning down the house while playing the game. The game is a back view racing game similar to Pole Position, but it does add the elements of multiplayer, power ups, and the ability to mess with your friends. All of those things add enough to the game to make it a unique game.

Genre creating or changing? Mario Kart did not create the racing game obviously. It did change the genre in a significant way. It gave rise to the “Kart” subgenre of racing game. Terrible game after terrible game came after Mario Kart with a variety of characters and settings that never lived up to the promise of this one.

The verdict: Mario Kart stands alone (more or less, there are some clones that are actually decent) as the defining and best Kart style game series. After all, no other game ever caused me to burn down the house. Though, I did ignore a “emergencies” to finish defeating a WoW boss once or twice.

Out of the Shadows

(Editor’s Note: Haven’t we done this dance before?)

In addition to my absence from the web page ( for which I have no excuse), I have also been absent from Magic. Chris and I have not gotten together for a couple of months because it is hard being a grown up with kid hobbies. He has other magic contacts that have more or less kept him in the game, but I haven’t made those contacts. Again, it’s rough out there for a grown up kid. Especially one that is a bit antisocial. However, even with his involvement with the game, he still felt the same way about going back to the Eldrazi as I do. We were both completely underwhelmed by both sets in the block. I skipped the second set completely and didn’t even buy a token fat pack.

Signs that things might be different with the latest set showed up early in the spoiler season. We both expressed that, even though it seemed strange to have another repeat visit to a plane, we were both excited to go to Innistrad. I’ve always loved vampire and werewolf lore (except for the more recent strain of Twilight garbage), really enjoy the concept of flip cards, and couldn’t wait to see what new cards and mechanics would be introduced with the set.

I shared a few of the early spoilers with Chris. We discussed others, including the planeswalkers. We joked that everyone whines that the new Jace is crap until some blue mage figures out a way to abuse it. Honestly, though, I’d be hard pressed to tell you anything about this set other than there’s a new Avacyn, a new Jace, and a potentially neat flipwalker. As I said to Chris last night when he joked that I wouldn’t even open the product that I ordered, “I’m just so out of the game right now.”

It scries, it draws, it bounces creatures.  It does what Jace does.  Is it a bit expensive?  Sure, but that's exactly what they said about JTMS when it released.
It scries, it draws, it bounces creatures. It does what Jace does. Is it a bit expensive? Sure, but that’s exactly what they said about JTMS when it released.

Those of you who are regulars to the page (shout out to the two of you who stick through our random disappearances!) know that this is not a new sentiment. I obviously go through phases in the game where I love it and others when I’m moderately disinterested. This time is different, though. Usually when I take one of my breaks from the game, I’m still engaged through conversation or watching Twitch streams. The conversation has been only the minimal ones mentioned earlier and I haven’t watched any Magic streams except for Vintage over the last few months. As I said, completely out of the game.

Cue the (probable mis)quote from a famous movie, “Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.” Later today, I’m going to hang out with Chris and another friend that we played against a few times a couple of years ago. Armed with nothing but a couple of Tiny Leaders decks and a proxied Vintage deck with no purpose other than to fulfill my fantasies of being a Vintage guy, I’m going to wade into Chris’ new Magic frontier with tournaments and actual meta strategy. Wish me luck.

Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Africa anymore.  I know I nailed that one.
Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Africa anymore. I know I nailed that one.

I may revisit this adventure in a later article. For now, I’m boarding a plane (train? time machine? How do you get there?) to Innistrad to see what the set offers filthy casuals like me. I’ve been thinking about buying into the game again. Should I? Let’s explore together, shall we?

Angels and werewolves and vampires (Oh my!) Do you love tribal decks? I know that I do. If you have read, or search for, my deck lists, you will see that my decks are almost always constructed around a theme. More often than not, I also try to choose a tribe. I’ve done goblins and elves (who hasn’t?), zombies, merfolk (not the good kind), minotaur, and the aforementioned angles, werewolves, and vampires (Oh my!) Hell, I think I even got the crazy idea once to build a Homonculus deck. It didn’t go anywhere.

Heck, what can possibly go wrong?
Heck, what can possibly go wrong?

Flip Cards (that aren’t Delver). Chris has expressed disinterest (and even outright disdain) for the idea of flip cards. Nevertheless, the cards persevere in spite of his irrational hatred and prejudice against them. One has even risen above it all to become a Modern and Legacy staple. But anyone can win with Delver. Can anyone build a deck around Arlinn Kord? Yea, probably, but it won’t be one of my signature terrible decks.

I mean, just look at her, won't you?  She's beautiful.
I mean, just look at her, won’t you? She’s beautiful.

Graveyard shenanigans. Both the delirium and madness mechanics allow you to interact with the graveyard–as far as I know–in new and different ways. One of my first decks was an annoying zombie mill deck. Additionally, I have been eyeing a dredge deck online to dip my toes into Vintage without having to take out a second mortgage. So, graveyard shenanigans are right in my wheelhouse. Can’t wait to build my delirium or madness (why not both) deck.

Well, the trip to visit Chris last night was successful. I won both games that I played. When combined with my newly discovered excitement about the new set, I’m right back in. really, though, did you expect any other outcome? Once Magic sticks its hooks into you, you can never truly be free.

I love you, too, Magic the Gathering.
I love you, too, Magic the Gathering.