Shawn Lucas is the self identified "Noob of All Trades". He is married and the father of three boys, two of whom help with their own podcast every couple of months. Raised on Atari, Nintendo, and Sega, he enjoys all games and will play all of them to the best of his ability, which is often average at best. Currently, he is most interested in Magic, Heroclix, and other games that he can play with Chris and his sons.
Chris responded to my previous article (written a week or so ago, more on that in the next paragraph) with something along the lines of “Eff 3D Mario”. While I respect him and his opinions, I obviously respectfully disagree with that one. I think that the three dimension games have a place in Mario’s history. I explained why in that article. But, I assured him that we returned to Mario’s roots at 2D sidescroller in this article, “Losing my Dimension”.
Yes, that’s meant to invoke the REM song.
I looked up the date stamp on that article and I wrote it on the 16th, so over a week ago. I ignored our YouTube and my podcast “Noob’s Book Club” for just as long, if not longer. Those of you who follow the page might recognize that as a common theme in the past. I update regularly and furiously for a few months at a time and then life gets in the way and I fall off for just as long, if not longer. I promise to start working this weekend to get back on track and stay there. I’m committed to this page this time, no matter what.
New Super Mario Bros
Like comics, the Super Mario games grew up with me. They went from simple side scrollers to more complex 3D exploration games. Then, when I started to have kids, they became simpler again so that I could enjoy them with my kids. Looking it up now, though (thanks Google machine!), I see that the New Super Mario Bros series actually released before Galaxy. So, in the chronology of the actual games, this article makes no sense. Ha! You must be new here. We strive to make no sense at 2 Generations Gaming.
But, in the chronology of my life, I started playing the New Super Mario Bros series with my kids, so it came after my experiences in the third dimension. These games (along with the Mario Kart games, more on that in the next article) gave me a chance to game with my kids and doom them to the same nerdy lifestyle as me. It worked on two out of the three of them. Aiden inherited some dormant athlete gene that manifests in his passion for soccer. But, he still nerds out in his own way.
I don’t know if he actually watches soccer anime, but I know he watched a volleyball one.
Nevertheless, he still partakes in family Mario Kart nights and plays Minecraft with me during school vacations. So, like I say, I know the nerd is buried in there. Hey, kids these days. They’re like onions. They have layers.
Super Mario Maker
I played this one very little. I remember being impressed by the idea and possibilities. We might have even featured it on the web page at some point. Hey, it’s been almost 10 years and almost 500 articles. I’m bound to forget things. (Editor’s Note: We looked it up. There’s at least 2 other articles that mention the game.)
Independent of that, Liam and Quinn enjoyed the heck out of the game. Like they watched me play Portal 2 the second (or third) time around and enjoyed themselves, I watched them play this more than once with the end result always being smiles and eventually laughter.
The Verdict
Mario’s “return” to the second dimension and his cover of the REM song in the form of “Losing my Dimension” came at the perfect time in my life. Sometimes, confidentially, I think I died about 10 years ago and I now live in hell. Conversely, again confidentially, I often think that this might be purgatory and my second chance at redemption. What can I say? I watched a lot of science fiction and movies like The Matrix have a lasting effect on me. Whatever this is, things just seem to work out the way they’re supposed to when they’re supposed to and I wouldn’t choose any other life for myself.
So far, I admit Mario in March has been a bit of a bust this year. The snow stopped just in time to interrupt my carefully laid plans. Admittedly, I still take pride in the fact that I updated the YouTube page regularly until last week and even uploaded a video with some game play that got almost 70 views. Even though the page is almost 10 years old, this is the first time that I focused this much on putting time into making it work as more than just a family page. And, so, we come to “Into the 3rd dimension.”
Uh hoi!
Every time I write that, I think of The Simpsons episode. We watched it last year as a family to celebrate Halloween and I must say, “It holds up.” I’m about to sound like a grumpy old man, but you write what you know. Those early seasons of The Simpsons are just pure magic and will never be surpassed. But, as I often do, I digress.
Super Mario 64
By the time we reach this generation of video games, I grew up. I worked at Yankee Candle (the local warehouse earlier mentioned in the introduction to this page before changed) and lived with my then girlfriend (and eventual wife and mother of my children). If you asked me now how I ended up purchasing a Nintendo 64, I’m sure that I would retcon (but it might be the truth) and give the ages old excuse of all Nintendo has to do is release a Mario, Zelda, and Metroid game and I’ll buy the console.
It’s-a-me!
Truth be told, I think the only one of those three franchises even rumored to be released for the system at the time was Mario. And, more truth be told, I never became a fan of Metroid until Metroid Prime and then Metroid Zero on the Game Boy Advance. Two truths and a lie? No, three embarrassing truths. You know this by now. We revel in our nerd shame around here. Final truth. I forgot all about Zelda and similarly rediscovered the games with Ocarina of Time and later A Link to the Past on the Game Boy Advance.
Not Mario. I played every Mario game available. Especially this one. I loved this game so much and it came at just the right time in my life. Old enough to afford it, but young enough to still have enough time to play until I beat it 100%. I even found Yoshi on the roof.
Super Mario Sunshine
I know that some consider the Nintendo Gamecube to be the weird red headed cousin in between the much more popular Nintendo 64 and Nintendo Wii. However, I have a soft spot for the weird purple cube that played the weird little discs.
Not a bad game. Just…not what I wanted.
That weird cousin gave birth to an equally weird child in Super Mario Sunshine. While much of the traditional Mario game play, and even the three dimensional elements introduced in Super Mario 64, persisted in this game, they also threw quite the wrinkle at us. Mario wore a water spray jet pack on his back that allowed for all kinds of new and cool stuff for him to do. If you watched my video, you know all about how I reacted to this development. While I found it intriguing, I treated it very much the same way I treated Super Mario Bros. 2. I ignored it for other games at the time. To this day, even though Liam picked up a Gamecube, I never went back to play it again. Perhaps this article will inspire me.
Super Mario Galaxy
Okay, this is more like it. The game plays almost exactly like Super Mario 64. But, it adds some new mechanics, as well. Unlike Sunshine, though, those mechanics aren’t too weird. They take some getting used to, but they are more of an extension of the game instead of introducing all new and weird stuff like jet packs.
You fly, bro!
This game truly took Mario into the 3rd dimension. While Super Mario 64 emulated three dimensional game play very well, it wasn’t until Galaxy that you felt like you had full range of motion. I think I went back to finishing Mario games again with this one. As an added bonus, this is the first Mario game that I got to play with the boys.
The Verdict
Like many at the time, I wondered how three dimensional gaming might work with our favorite plumber. Yes, it’s true. Some will try to deny it now, but many people predicted Super Mario 64 as a flop among flops and that side scrolling is the only way to experience these games. As I always do, I will admit that I’m wrong and bringing Mario into the 3rd dimension was a wonderful choice and I’m glad to have seen what they were able to do with the games.
I wrote about my humble beginnings with Super Mario. As I planned to write this article, I realized that I forgot two formative games in that article. So, keep reading to the end to get that addendum. For this article, I want to write about the second phase of my Super Mario experience, which I called Super Mario’s Teenage Rebellion.
Honestly, this part cemented my enjoyment of the series and sent me on the journey that currently finds me on a mission to purchase every Nintendo console that features a Mario, Zelda, and Metroid game. The first such console that I purchased was the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Anyone who lived through that time knew the blood feud between Nintendo and Sega. Like most of you, though, I straddled the fence and played the hell out of both.
Super Nintendo Entertainment System
The first Mario game I played on the Super Nintendo was Super Mario All-Stars, the remake of Super Mario 1, “2”, and 3 along with The Lost Levels. Even though I played all the games on the NES, along with so many others, I still bought the new version. I also beat Super Mario 1 and 3 for the first time with this version of the game. And, I still refused to admit that Super Mario “2” existed outside of a loose commitment to also beat that game that remains unfinished to this day.
Nintendo started to branch out and try new things with the Super Nintendo. The additional memory allowed for different styles of games. One of those experiments was Super Mario RPG. What could go wrong? Super Mario? RPG? Two great tastes that taste great together? Honestly, for me, it was an okay game. But, not until Paper Mario (coming up next week) did I truly enjoy any sort of turn based Mario RPG experience.
No, all I wanted was Mario and more of it. Nintendo gave me that with Super Mario World. So, instead of branching out and expanding my horizons, I simply played more Mario. The game took what I liked about Super Mario Bros. 3 and made it more. More ways to travel through the world. More secret exits and areas. Different power ups and suits. I saw it as the epitome of Super Mario games.
An Addendum and a bit of Nerd Shame
First the bit of nerd shame. Not much because I think the good dad vibes will counteract the shame some. I never played the Mario Kart series until I had kids. We played the game together on the Wii and a couple of years ago we started a tradition of playing as a family once or twice a month. Then again, I almost burned down our house playing on the Wii all those years ago. Not sure how that all washes out.
I forgot two games in the 8-bit article. My friend and I played Dr. Mario every single day during lunch at school after one of us purchased a link cable for our Game Boys. And, even though Super Mario Land more resembled the graphics of the Atari 2600 because of the Game Boy’s limitations, I still played that game until I beat it. Maybe after I do the 16 bit video, I can have an addendum video where I play these two games and the SNES version of Mario Kart.
The Verdict
The series started to come into its own during the transition to 16-bit. Many of the game play styles and mechanics persist in the games to this day. Whenever I feel the need to play an older game, the first emulator that I load is Game Boy Advance and the first game that I load is Super Mario World. Super Mario’s Teenage Rebellion truly gives me the best of all things Mario.
If you told me almost thirty years ago that an Italian plumber who guest starred in another game that I never played would become one of the greatest influences on me as a video game player, I would have never believed you. Mario made little of an impact on my until much later (relatively speaking) in my “career”. As I will show you here (and on the YouTube video I have planned for the end of the week), I played Mario since more or less the beginning. So, at least when it comes to me and my history with video games, I know a bit about Super Mario’s Humble Beginnings.
Atari 2600
Yes, I owned an Atari 2600. After that, my father bought an Atari 7800 because of the better graphics. And, so, started a race to get the latest and greatest video game system that lasted well into my twenties. Then, as life often does, it took me on a nostalgic journey back in time. A few years ago, I purchased a Hyperkin Retron 77 emulator machine for the Atari 2600.
During my time with the machine, I never loaded up Mario Bros or even Donkey Kong. If I’m being totally honest, the main reason I bought it was because Audacity Games released a new cartridge for the system. Two things about that. They never released the second planned game. Also, I found out the Retron wouldn’t play the cart, so I needed to download the ROM to play the game. I also recently remembered my high score that I posted here a few years go for Frostbite.
Yes, I used that as a not so subtle flex.
But, I played Mario Bros on the Atari 2600. I remember vividly our cat at the time (Snowy, ask me more about the name) sitting on the edge of the TV stand and watching as the turtles fell to their demise and wondering why our floor wasn’t littered with 8-bit turtles.
Arcade
I grew into a teenager at a time when arcades represented a gathering place for other teenagers. At our mall, they put the arcade right across the hall from a McDonald’s and the theater. Eventually, as we got more daring, we found a Waldenbooks to buy our Dungeons and Dragons source books and novels. But, we always returned to the arcade. I’m talking about quarters waiting on the Mortal Kombat (II is still the best and you can’t change my mind) or Street Fighter machine. Later, I experimented with Tekken, Virtual Fighter, and even Primal Rage. While those quarters waited or, sometimes to unwind after a particularly heart breaking loss, I went over to the sit down Vs. Super Mario Bros machine to lick my wounds. Then, quarter after quarter, I died to that first goomba on the first run every single time.
Yep, that’s the one.
Nintendo Entertainment System
At some point, my parents relented and bought us a Nintendo Entertainment System for Christmas. Most of the games came second hand from the rental service at my mother’s job. I also got exposed to some other hits like Legend of Zelda during a visit to my grandmother’s house where my cousins played the game.
So, it still took some time for the Mario love to take root. I finally saw the potential of the series with the release of Super Mario Brothers 3 on the NES. It both blew me away with the design and graphics and it allowed me to share my love of video games with my younger brothers.
Younger brothers forced to play Luigi, this is your safe space. Tell us about that.
The Verdict
As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, it took several years and iterations before Mario (and then Luigi and the others) to cement themselves as influential characters in my life. I hope I gave you some indication of Super Mario’s humble beginnings for me as a gamer and I hope you check out the companion video later this week.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my progress in painting some miniatures. Emboldened by that progress, I purchased a Warhammer 40k Recruit Edition starter kit from your local multinational conglomerate. As the images later show, I only assembled some of the Space Marines from that set. No paint, yet. In spite of that, I wanted to actually try some game play. As a result, what follows after a brief explanation are my Warhammer 40k gameplay first impressions.
Thankfully, the set comes with a map and some scenarios to teach you the rules in the context of actually playing the game. I still contend that the best way to learn is by doing. So, I sat down last night and I played through the first two scenarios. As he watched me set up the map, Quinn asked, “Is that Dungeons and Dragons?” “No, Warhammer,” I responded, “but it’s similar.” I realized too late that I should have asked him to play. Then, this article could have told parents how accessible the game is to kids. Based on my limited knowledge, quite. But, a missed opportunity in any case.
Band on the Run
This scenario finds three Space Marine soldiers against 5 Necron Warriors. I only assembled and painted 3 Necrons, so two empty based stand in for the other two. Also, as mentioned, no paint on the Space Marines. Next time, all models painted and ready for service. I promise.
Lone Wolf left on the battlefield
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I played through the scenario as read through and applied each rule. Surprisingly, the first two marines went down very quickly. After that, for some reason, the last guy stood his ground and tried to take on all five of the Necrons by himself. I honestly don’t know what I expected. He held his own for 5 or 6 turns before the dice ultimately betrayed him. After that, I came to my senses. Why not just run? The objective of the Marines was to make it to the other edge of the map to “reunite with their brothers”. So, I replayed the last few rounds of the scenario and he easily made it, thus ending in a draw, as the rules stated.
Surrounded!
In the second scenario, a sole Space Marine lieutenant (not 100% sure of the rank, but either a higher ranking soldier or simply a stronger one) squares off against a swarm of Necron bugs. This one introduces the player to close combat and the concept of units.
The official map
Image 1 of 2
Again, I ended up playing through this scenario twice. The first time, the bugs completely overwhelmed the single soldier. Maybe not completely shocking, but a bit surprising. Every part of the scenario talks about how strong and durable the soldier is and how squishy the bugs are. So, I reset everything, read through the rules again, referenced what I needed from the first scenario, and played again. This time, the marine held his own and eliminated the bugs with ease. That’s more like it.
The Verdict
My Warhammer 40k gameplay first impressions are overwhelmingly positive. The games move at a quicker pace than some other miniature games I played. Some of the rules take time to digest and work through, but that’s true about any game. Like I said in my introduction, I want to finish my armies and get out there and play an actual game. Before that, though, I have a couple of more scenarios to learn a few more rules.
I gave a first impression//preview of all of the new stuff in Battlegrounds at the beginning of the month. Even though I wrote it within a week of release, Blizzard still put out an emergency balance patch because the new Undead tribe came out a bit too spicy. At the time, I only played enough to know that much and that, as a consequence, the reworked hero Putricide followed in that OP-ness. So, after having played quite a few more games, I return to give a Battlegrounds February 2023 second impression.
I come into this article without much of a plan, to be perfectly honest. Is this a list of the strongest tribes? Doubtful. When have you ever known us to give tier or meta lists? What about my impressions of the game mode and thoughts about the longevity going forward. Getting warmer and I might include that as a bonus. Let’s just go with the obvious 2 Generations Gaming standby of my favorite new minions.
Favorite New Minions Honorable Mention
I picked these minions as either situational minions or ones that I think might be good if I ever figure out the situation for them. I actually end up taking General Drakkisath often. It gives two triggers for two of my favorite minions, explained below. Twitch chat loves Felemental. I see how repeated triggers might be beneficial. I always feel like I’m losing tempo though when I play it. Maybe the game offers me at the wrong time. We all know that I think these games have it out for me. I only take Deathswarmer when I think that I might go Undead.
Sinrunner Blanchy falls into the category of “haven’t figured out the situation yet”. What makes me laugh is that it should be easy. Beast and Undead both have numerous buffs available. And, yet, I continue to field a 4/4 with reborn and no buffs to be reborn with. Finally, Titus Rivendare only drops into this territory because it requires a very specific strategy. They reworked him so that multiple copies give extra triggers. But, let me show you the dumb build that got me second place.
And there you see in my hand, the horsie doing little.
Favorite New Minions 10 through 6
10 – Ghoul of the Feast – I probably rate this one too highly because I generally like to go Menagerie with my builds and this one ticks that box for me. But, if you’re here, it isn’t for my strategic analysis.
9 Possessive Banshee – This one buffs the Eternal Knight and the Horsie. But, as mentioned, I almost never get to take advantage of the best buffs on the horsie. If I ever get that one to work, though, you all will be the first to know.
8 Eternal Knight – Speaking of Eternal Knight, I always take the first one in hopes of getting the second one or the Banshee. Playing one without either of those cards just feels bad.
7 Blazing Skyfin – I love these minions that trigger based on other mechanics. Murlocs alone have an almost monopoly on good battlecries, so if I see this one early in the game, I pick this one without hesitation.
6 Colossus of the Sun – A larger Bronze Warden with the Undead tag? That fits so nicely in with my menagerie builds. Plus, the few times I run undead, he gives me the warm and fuzzies.
Favorite New Minions 5 through 1
5 Mecha-Jaraxxus – I remember when Chris first encountered Jaraxxus in game. He texted something about his opponent turning into a demon something or another and then he swore. He swears a lot when playing Hearthstone. I never got the Mecha-Jaraxxus skin. I guess I make up for it by picking this card every time.
4Cyborg Drake – Second only to my enjoyment of menagerie is divine shield build. This card fits right into that build. Not much more needs to be said.
3 Felstomper – Like many of the six drops, I don’t encounter Felstomper very often. But, the couple of times I played him, the game went well and I enjoyed the hell out of it. See the silly build above. Plus, just look at that art. How can you not smile when you see that?
2 Thorncaptain – Dear god, that one drop makes me giggle. I pick it every single time, often double it, and then hold on to both copies for way too long in the hopes of a triple. But, that’s the exact janktastic gaming you come to the page to see.
1Magmaloc – This comes as no surprise if you read my other article earlier in the month. They nerfed him down to a 4 drop and I think they nerfed his drop rate. But, I still force him into every single build as soon as I see the card.
The Verdict
I think I adequately figured out this Battlegrounds February 2023 second impression article. It truly captures the essence of our page. Just enough strategy to make you wonder. A heaping helping of jank that makes you wonder the other way. Thanks for reading. Another update tomorrow.
Battlegrounds February 2023 minion pictures taken from the main Hearthstone page.
I first leaked my plans to build a new Commander deck in my MTGONE Esper Cards article. I continued to refer to the deck in each one of the other articles of the series. Ever since then, I planned to release a Bant Commander update article during this week. However, instead of the planned big reveal of the deck, I can only reveal my commander (or commanders…that’s what we call a tease in the biz, folks) and some other strategery and deck talk. So, this Bant Commander EDH #1 comes in with slightly less fanfare than anticipated.
Now that I chose my commander and theme, deck building should go relatively quickly. Then, once I buy the cards and play against Chris and Jason, I write an assessment. If necessary, I tweak the deck for maximum efficiency or, more likely, maximum fun. Look for those updates in the coming months. For now, join me as I talk about cards.
The Genesis of the Deck
Mondrak, Glory Dominus
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The first cards that caught my eye was Mondrak, Glory Dominus. I considered building around him as the commander. That meant I could include Elesh Norn, Mother of Machines and even swap her in as commander if I wanted. Then, I saw Tekthal, Inquiry Dominus, and everything changed. I needed a UW commander, got less utility from swapping commanders out, and maybe weakened my deck overall. But, you know me. If it ain’t jank, then jank it. Further research showed me that most of the UW commanders weren’t good for the overall token and counters (not counterspell) theme. Enter, green.
Your power is…GREEEEEEN.
Green practically swims in counters of all types. In fact, writing this article reminded me of another card that I used to build a tiny leader deck. Yisan, the Wanderer Bard with proliferate can cheat out all sorts of stupid stuff. Into the 99 you go, Sir.
Bant EDH Update #1: Honorable Mention
Slurrk, All-Ingesting
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In order to find my perfect commander, I searched the Google machine. Initially, I looked for strictly proliferate/token decks, but found few. Either I am on the cutting edge here or I just janked myself into a continued losing streak. Whatever the result, I consider it a win. Then, I just searched Bant commanders and it took me to this page. Kros, Defense Contractor first caught my eye. Being fun police makes me irrationally happy, as you know. The added bonus of giving potential boons to my opponents makes it just the right amount of jank.
Alas, I abandoned the cat for the Angel. Jenara just makes +1/+1 counters ripe for proliferating. But, wait, there’s more! As I scrolled, the page reminded me of partner commanders. First, the Ojutai card and Slurrk also just make +1/+1 counters, but they also fit the jank quota. Second, the Ojutai card and the golem maker fit everything that my deck tries to do. So, it’s settled? Well, not quite.
Bant Partner Commanders I Love
Alharu gives me the +1/+1 counters and tokens that I want. Thrasios gives me card draw and possible ramp. Partner lets me sing Queen’s “You’re My Best Friend” whenever I get a chance to cast them both onto the battlefield together. Really, what more can I ask for from a commander deck?
The Verdict
I overpromised a bit with this Bant EDH Update #1. I think I under delivered a bit, too, but that’s okay. It doesn’t happen often enough around here that once in a while is okay. Now that I picked my commanders, though, the rest of the process will take no time to finish. I already got some ideas of cards to include in the deck. I think the next step after building will be to play around with the deck in xMage to get a feel for it. Be on the lookout for that.
Let me be honest here. I usually use the word “love” because my headline analyzer tells me that strong positive sentiment words drive more traffic. If true, those Russian bots indeed enjoy my positive headlines. However, at the risk of spoiling this article, in this case I mean it. The show, so far, tells a wonderful story in just the manner I enjoy. The Last of Us Part 1 covers episodes 1 through 3 of the show since I just finished episode 3 last night.
I intend to finish the remaining episodes by the end of the week, so maybe part 2 comes before Friday. Being vacation week, I planned the schedule pretty tightly and now we just saw the new Ant Man movie last night. So, of course, I need to add my two bits about that one. Also, I got the idea for another web page a couple of days ago. So, maybe I save part 2 for a less busy week.
Episode 1 – When You’re Lost in the Darkness
I informed social media that I started watching the show in spite of having never played the game. Several people warned me about a particular scene and the potential emotional damage caused. So, I already went in expecting something good. I got something…decent. When talking with some friends about the show, I felt like this episode went about 20-30 minutes too long.
I liked the episode. All of the characters made an impression on me. The scene in question moved me (more the second time I saw it in the recap for some reason) and I ended the episode wanting to see more. But, television and movies are different. I understand that Hollywood is trying new things because it feels like cinema is stagnating right now. But, making TV shows longer just for the sake of it ultimately blurs that line even more.
Sometimes less really is more. I would have to watch the episode again to see just where to trim, but I know there’s fat in there somewhere. In spite of that one sort of nebulous complaint, The Last of Us hooked me. It even made me want to play through the game. I’m sure I own it from some Humble Bundle sale. Score: 7.5/10 on this one.
Episode 2 – Infected
Talk about spoilers! This episode title gives away the big reveal. I’m sure anyone who played the game understood the reference right away. Those of us in the dark maybe continued to stumble in the dark as the fungi infected humans do while hunting our little party before realizing (like The Walking Dead before it) that titles often contain dual meanings.
This episode shows that not everything needs to be dark and gritty to be absolutely terrifying. The fungus that grows over the eyes of the infected in this episode displays as colorful, mimicking the actual spores found in nature. But, those clickers scared the shit out of me and I’m not one to spook easily anymore.
Hell, this episode made me pick up my phone and do a little research. You all know how much I love a show that makes me do my homework. Plus, I found this cool little Google trick that infects your phone with the fungus. And, at the end, they rip our hearts right out of our chests once again. Score: 8.5 out of 10.
Episode 3 – Long Long Time
This episode blew up my social media. After watching it, I see why. Exhausted, but wanting to experience it for myself, I stayed up way too late to finish it. My God. I can’t remember the last time I saw a television episode written, directed, and performed as well as this one. Breaking Bad? But, even that pales in comparison to the tragic beauty of this hour and fifteen minutes of television.
Bear in mind that once I realized that it was this episode, I went in with high expectations. The blueprint for disappointment, right? Wrong. It tells a love story with such tenderness and grace that I wonder how anyone anywhere sees anything more than that love. The story made me cry. The reaction that some have to homosexuality makes me sad.
In addition, the story helps to fill in some of the gaps from the first episodes and moves the story forward. Honestly, if they ended it here, I’d be a happy man. The fact that I still need to watch 3 more episodes both excites and terrifies me. But, I’m ready. Score: Honestly, on the scale, I give it a 10. But that feels both offensive and reductive. Just a masterful display of what a careful and creative team can do.
The Verdict
I hope the show hasn’t peaked too early. I know better than to compare different style episodes by the same standards. Also, thankfully, this isn’t The Walking Dead, so I don’t expect to be shocked into submission simply for the sake of that shock value. Again I hope to have part 2 done by the end of this week, but I hope you enjoyed The Last of Us Part 1.
I wrote about my success Betting the Bowl 2023 yesterday. The cliffs notes version (I discussed this with a student the other day. Do they even do cliffs notes anymore? I know they also had Spark Notes, but I never hear about them either) reads as follows. Local math teacher bets 99 cents to win back 93 cents. Extrapolate that out to any meaningful amount of money and I paid off my mortgage this year. But, there’s more to the Super Bowl than just betting. So, I present our Super Bowl LVII Post Mortem.
Wait, what? More to the Super Bowl than betting? Of course. Food. Commercials. Halftime show. And, oh yea, they played a game, too. Naturally, the game ended with controversy. I heard someone say that if you want to say the NFL is rigged, just look at the fact that Super Bowls always stay competitive until the end of the game and often with a reason to discuss them for at least a week after they end. But, we focus on the positive here.
Food (Not as Fancy as Years Past, But Still Tasty)
Those who follow the page know that we often don’t watch the game around here. In my house, only I care about football. So, I made a deal a few years ago with my family. Now, we pick a movie or television show and watch a marathon. I make the traditional types of food associated with the Super Bowl. Usually, I make jalapeno poppers, twice baked potatoes, chicken and beef sliders, and marinated chicken tenders (I know people get mad when you call them “wings” because people just get mad these days).
Hell, I could make people really apoplectic by saying they’re made out of cauliflower.
This year, I actually received an invitation to watch the game. My father in law invited me over to watch. Usually, he watches with my brother in law, but either he was busy or didn’t care because the Patriots were nowhere to be found this year. As a result, my mother in law made pasta for us and I spread the apps around the remainder of last week.
Commercials (Serena Proves Memorable, Everyone Else Needs a Reminder)
First, ignore the perversity of watching an event strictly for the commercials. I promise to leave my communist agenda at the door if you promise to agree that a billion dollars is too much money for one person to possess. Okay? Okay. Now, about those commercials.
Honestly, thinking back on them, I remember exactly one. Well, I remember two, but the second makes me so furious that I want t o murder who ever came up with the idea. You’re curious, aren’t you? Give me a chance. Maybe I’ll tell you. Okay, just because I want it done and over with. The fucking Jesus commercials. You have multiple billions of dollars to spend and you spend it on two Super Bowl commercials? What about the actual mission of Jesus to feed and clothe the poor? Yeah, I thought so. Sorry for the curse word, but it makes me so mad.
Think POSITIVE!!!
The only other one I remember without looking it up involves Serena Williams giving the Any Given Sunday speech. To show how ineffective I find advertisements, I have no idea what they advertised. Simply that Serena Williams gave the speech. So, yea, billions well spent.
After looking them up, I also enjoyed the Ben Affleck Dunkin Donuts ad, mostly because I remember hearing about it when they filmed it. Seeing Jesse and Walt again brought back good memories. And, I danced a little bit with the couple on hold. Plus, one of my former colleagues posted that they used a local police department’s hold music. That made me smile. Other than that, I used the commercials as God intended, to use the bathroom. He definitely gets us.
Halftime Show (Is She? Am I Allowed to Ask that? Oh Wait, That’s Umbrella!)
Rhianna came out looking very pregnant. I refrained from asking the question because, ignorant of her situation, I wanted to remain respectful. So, I watched, and made a few comments in the group chat with Chris and Jason. My father in law finally broke the ice, so I looked it up. Rhianna performed the halftime show pregnant less than a year after giving birth. I don’t care who you are. That’s impressive. Except, remember how I said that people in this country get mad about everything. Yeah, a certain segment of the population in this country (or Russian bots pretending) got mad about it.
Dab on the haters. You go, girl!
My only complaint. She performed umbrella without Jay-Z. It made me even more upset when I saw that he attended the game. I understand that Jay-Z can do what he wants with his time, but can you imagine the reaction on Twitter? Oh well, I still enjoyed the show. Y’all should try not being such grumpy gusses.
Why I’m Mad the Chiefs Won
I came up with this half baked idea the other day when planning the article in my head. I think I wrote something along these lines when I wrote the preview article. I’m not mad the Chiefs won, but according to my social media, many of my friends and associates are. I wonder why.
5. Betting – I heard none of this talk from the people in my circle, but some of my podcasts talked about how the betting money went heavy in the favor of the Eagles. So, those who bet on the wrong side of the game got their narrative that the NFL fixed the game. Stay mad.
4. Mahomes – I love Mahomes. Granted, even I started to get sick of him a bit this year, so I suppose I sympathize with this line of thinking. Even so, watching him play football puts all of that out of my mind and I fall in love all over again. Stay mad.
3. Eagles Fans – Admittedly, I try not to associate with such lower life forms (I joke Iggs. I love all people), but I understand their pain here. My Steelers won way more Super Bowls than they lost (okay, I’ll stop piling on), but the ones they lost sting with that feeling of what might have been. Take solace in the fact that rarely do Super Bowl runners up ever make it back to the big game the next year and losing both coordinators makes it tougher. Okay, I’m done. But, seriously, stay mad.
2. Patriots Fans – Living in Massachusetts, I associate with many Patriots fans. I saw more than one piss and moan about how the Chiefs bled the last two minutes off the clock. I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to make the comment. Patriots fans during this Super Bowl: I hate what the Chiefs are doing, but I find it strangely familiar and attractive. Stay mad.\
In bill we trust, but Eff Andy Reid, right? Sports are so weird.
1. Refs – Two weeks in a row, the Chiefs benefited from dubious calls at the end of the game. Part of the reason I started to turn on Mahomes was the hit out of bounds against the Bungs. Then, I remembered if not for that, the Bungs maybe went to the Super Bowl. So, eff that. Maybe you think the end of the game sucked. But, a textbook hold and Mahomes threw the ball that way to make sure they caught it on tape. The ref got caught in damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. He’s human. He made a split second decision. Stay mad.
Why I’m Elated the Chiefs Won
Now, we finally come to the reason for writing my Super Bowl LVII post mortem. Hey, I’m a fan, not a professional journalist. I owe nothing in the way of journalistic integrity. I already said that I love Mahomes and hate the Iggs and Bungs. So, the fact that they made those fan bases even more miserable gives me great schadenfreude.
Aside from that, and not to lecture too much, but it’s only a damn game. Like I said to my father when he asked at the beginning for a prediction. First, I said, I usually can predict with some confidence. Not so this year. So, I went with, “Don’t bet against Mahomes.” Then I said, I can’t even really come up with a reason to hate either of these teams except that I’m from Pittsburgh and we hate Philly for some reason. I guess I’m maturing.
I troll, but I love ya, Philly
So, I went with joy. I love Mahomes. Andy Reid deserves a few championships for recognizing and utilizing Mahomes to his full potential. Travis Kelce is a ridiculous talent, too. Juju got run out of Pittsburgh, so good on him for finding a soft landing spot. They all won and good for them.
Five Big Plays
A million years ago, I ran a Pittsburgh Steelers fan page. It existed so early in the days of the internet that it ranked as the #2 or #3 (depending on the week) such page at the time. During the evolution of the page, I came up with the idea for a five big plays section in recaps. I think I used it once before on this page, but don’t remember. Well, if so, the triumphant return of five big plays in this Super Bowl LVII post mortem!
5. KC wins the toss and defers: Not an earth shattering strategy. Most teams now defer to the second half when given the option. But, when Philly went right down and scored, I got a bit nervous. Then, Mahomes matched. Okay, game on. The strategy nearly paid off, but the Chiefs borked the end of the first half before righting the ship at halftime and coming out gangbusters in the second half. That all started with the very first decision of the game.
4. Jalen Hurts Fumble: This changed the entire complexion of the game. But, perversely, not how you expect. A. Philly looked almost unstoppable and they proved it for the rest of the first half. B. The Chiefs defense showed they came to play a bit. C. It kept Mahomes off the field for a ridiculous amount of time. So, no momentum shift and it weirdly benefited Philly. Yet, they took no advantage from it and that showed up later in the game.
3. Pacheco Touchdown: As mentioned, KC deferred. They took the opening kickoff right at Philly and Philly showed no capacity to handle the halftime adjustments made by KC. You want to look for a reason that KC won, look no further. Good experienced coach punks good young coach. Simple formula, really.
Plus, because of the terrible field, he almost blew out his ACL celebrating.
2. The Reversed Fumble: People want to talk about the officiating, but strangely leave this call out of the conversation. If this call stands, I think KC rolls for the rest of the game. Sure, Philly showed some sparks of life in the second half, but I think this play negates any of that if not overturned.
1. The Hold: I may sound very condescending here. I apologize in advance. I understand why people might be upset about this call. Many people who watch the Super Bowl, even those who watch football regularly, can be easily swayed by public opinion. And, yes, I might even be persuaded to agree that the call maybe needed to be ignored. But, I also explained up above how. Put yourself in that ref’s shoes. Really, honestly, think about it. See? We’re all human. And, honestly, it’s very large men playing a child’s game.
The Verdict
I enjoyed Super Bowl LVII. And, I enjoyed writing this Super Bowl LVII post mortem. I missed watching movies or television shows with my family. Especially as the kids get older, you get less and less of a chance of that. But, and not to get too personal here, we got through a lot as a family the last few years and came out stronger. So, those opportunities will present themselves again. I hope you enjoyed this version of the Super Bowl LVII post mortem and see you next year.
Note: All teams and the single logo used on this web page are the property of the NFL. They are used without consent (written or otherwise), but only in good fun. If you’re feeling litigious, please refrain from throwing your vast legal resources at this small page that caters to my kids, Chris (Hi Chris!) and about 25 Russian bots (Hi Sergei!).
I plan to give the post mortem of the actual game. But, you know how we do things around there. Instead of throwing out half baked ideas as soon as the game ends in order to receive early accolades, we throw out half baked ideas after a week so that our bad ideas rise above the cacophony and illustrate just how bad they are. So, first, I present our Betting the Bowl 2023 Post Mortem.
You may remember that I tacked on a betting article at the end of last week as a final preview of the Super Bowl. I got the idea from simultaneous emails that arrived from both Draft Kings and FanDuel telling me about their sportsbook apps opening up in Massachusetts soon. They are eager to take my money. Perhaps they should heed the warnings of this post.
Stupid Prop Bets
The only prop bets I found to discuss in that earlier article were the coin toss (truly a sucker bet) and the Gatorade color. Vegas apparently needed the money this year (see the above picture for commentary) because they dumped purple (purple?! purple?! really?! purple?! I’m just trying to win a damn bet! Shoutout to Jim Mora there.) Gatorade in victory. Maybe next year I will throw some of my windfall (shot up to 10000 fake dollars with my other bets) into more prop bets when the sportsbooks are actually live.
Single Dollar Bets
Even on these stupid bets I made up on the spot to try to ride on the coattails of Simmons, I cleaned up as you will see. Since I only put a dollar overall into the bets, I cleared less than a dollar profit, but you all can do that math. So, let’s do the math.
Most Sure Bet (confidence: high): If you bet the Chefs to win, Mahomes was MVP. I got a bit nervous at the end because Hurts went TF off and I looked at my father in law and said, “If the Chiefs win, can they give Hurts the MVP?” I mean, the guy deserved it. But, the 0.25 parlay paid 0.93 cents and I already made my money back. Cha ching. Lost as a result (0.05 for the Iggs equivalent and crazy 0.10 for Iggs/ Sweat MVP parlay).
Most Sure Bet (confidence level: irrationally high): 0.25 to win 1.75 for Kelce to score first. Chiefs won toss and deferred, so….
Throw Me a Frickin Bone! (confidence level: high): 0.10 to win 0.80 for Hurts to score first. All it took was a questionable call taking it away from Gainwell (16 to 1) and then that ridiculous rugby play to get him there, but 0.80 richer because of it!
Living on the Edge: 0.10 to win 0.08. I called this one wrong because I thought the Chiefs might put this one over in the first half. Turns out the Iggs and their ridiculous rugby play paid this one out in no time. I should watch more football if I’m going to bet on this stupid sport.
Sevens Heaven: Last 0.14 to win 0.13. Tossed this one in to get down to my silly penny parlay. Both teams scored in the first quarter. Easiest money ever.
So, keeping score, I bet 0.99 and made back a profit of 0.94. Pretty damn good if I say so myself.
Perplexing Penny Parlay
I came up with the idea of using my last penny to put together a parlay that, if successful, paid out over 100 dollars. Once I started putting together the bet, it became pretty easy to get it over 100. The actual bet paid out 133.90 (a. if successful and b. if it won)
Before I go on, let me say that I know how parlays work. And I know this one sunk from the get go. But, still, 5 out of 7 hits isn’t a bad percentage and I’d take that any time on single bets. I think next time I might play around with the format and increase it to 1 million dollar payout on a penny. bet. That might be pushing it, but I will get it as high as I can while still making the parlay reasonable.
The Verdict
My betting the bowl 2023 post mortem is mostly a positive. An almost 1:1 payout on basically 5 bets (as some auto failed on the success of others is pretty good. Also, I picked the last two winners and last two MVPs from this year and last year. I said to my father in law several times, my dad always told me not to bet on a game where the ball bounces funny and I intend to keep that line. Still, I had fun and can’t wait to be back next year bigger and better.
